[FINAL UPDATE] AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?

Five months after a painful family visit, a 26-year-old woman grapples with her boyfriend’s parents’ silence following their disapproval of her background. Despite a heartfelt talk and his promise to address it, their lack of outreach casts a shadow over her love for him.

His sister’s apology hasn’t eased the tension, leaving her torn between hope and doubt. This Reddit final update explores the lingering sting of family rejection.

For those who want to read the previous part: Origianl post, update

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‘[FINAL UPDATE] AITAH for wanting to leave my boyfriend for something his parents said?’

I was waiting to see what his parents would say but it’s been 5 months and I still haven’t heard from them. My boyfriend said he spoke to them and they apologized but I don’t know for sure cause I haven’t spoken to them. I told my boyfriend that I was willing to talk with them and he said he’d let them know but they still haven’t reached out.

If they’re apologetic about what they said, it shouldn’t take them this long to reach out. I feel like they want me to be the one that initiates the conversation but I feel like they should be the ones to reach out first! Also, where would I even start?!? I’ve spoken to my boyfriend about this and he seems torn, like he doesn’t know what to do.

As for his sister, although she apologized, things are still awkward between us. Maybe one day we’ll be able to move past this. Anyway, we are still together and things are going great for now. I still love him and I’m hoping that it works out between us but the fact that his parents haven’t made any effort to have a conversation with me or anything is kinda bothering me.. I’ll update you if ever I speak with them!

This update reveals the emotional toll of unresolved family conflict. The woman’s frustration is palpable—her boyfriend’s parents’ failure to apologize for their disapproval signals a lack of accountability, eroding her trust. His torn stance and the awkwardness with his sister highlight a relationship at a crossroads. While their love persists, the family’s inaction threatens its foundation.

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This reflects a common issue in relationships strained by family disapproval. A 2024 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found 70% of couples report ongoing tension when family members don’t address hurtful actions. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “When families fail to own their biases, partners must set firm boundaries to protect the relationship.” The boyfriend’s inaction risks enabling his family’s stance, leaving her vulnerable.

The woman’s refusal to initiate contact is wise—she shouldn’t bear the burden of reconciliation. Her boyfriend must push his parents for a sincere apology or limit their role in their lives. Couples therapy could help them align on boundaries, like avoiding family events until amends are made. If his family remains silent, she may need to prioritize her peace.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s community delivered sharp insights with a touch of tough love. Here’s how they reacted to this lingering family drama.

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Material_Cellist4133 − Girl you are in a relationship with a child who doesn’t have the backbone to defend you in the future.. His parents haven’t apologized. He is still in communication with his family.. What exactly are you going to do when his r**ist parents are r**ist to your biracial children?

Come on… start thinking long term instead of wasting your time on a child who allows his parents to be r**ist. (Yes he allows it because he is still in contact with them even after they haven’t even apologized to you)

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Artistic_Deal3436 − I think you're insane for staying with the man child.

k0rdial − This is scary.. it definitely shouldn’t take them this long to apologise, that’s crazy. You don’t have to initiate anything. Your partner being “torn” is so insane to me. They outright called you a f’n ninja and he put you in an unsafe environment.

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He’d rather keep in good comms with his family that can’t even give you a call or admit they were wrong… it’s been 5 fkn months. Please do not have kids with this man if he expects his parents to be actively in their lives. Can you imagine your child going through the same thing but being too scared to tell you… like you were too scared to tell him..

newoneform − Please girl under no circumstances should you ever reach out to them. It would set a standard that their racism and bad behavior is on you to rectify. They will always be r**ist. And there’s nothing YOU (as a black person) can do to change that.

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And be careful of your man trying to make excuses on their behalf. They’re terrible people full stop. Good luck Also…please know you don’t ever have to be so accommodating for people like them. You should never have been the one to offer a conversation. This may be harsh but they don’t like you.

Slight-Strain1886 − Sorry but you are wasting time in a relationship full of problems. Truths you have to understand. 1 - His country may even apologize, but they will still be r**ist towards you, your family, children, etc., behind your back.. 2 - His sister is probably r**ist too, she's just not as stupid to expose it as they are.

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3. Your boyfriend is very cowardly, for lack of a better word, for simply not taking decisive action here and simply pushing his stupid ass. What does he think will happen? Will everything magically be resolved? News, the world doesn't work like that, i**ot. Now imagine you deciding to marry him, having children with him, a house and everything.

The level of hell that will be in his life will be no joke, because he doesn't take any action about it. You will definitely be mentally destroyed with insults and more. I would honestly break up with him and make it very clear that his lack of courage will get him into trouble and that he is allowing himself to be pulled down the same s**thole as his family.. Please think carefully about what I'm saying here.

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Realuvbby − A white man’s parents called you a nigger and you still stayed with him and say you love him. Maybe when they call your children the same is when you’ll realize that one time was enough. Embarrassing to hear, even more embarrassing that you’re still in denial

BabylonBronze − They haven’t reached out because they aren’t sorry, and I would wager they don’t think you both will last. If you plan on sticking around out of spite you’re only making a fool of yourself unless he cuts them off completely and even that isn’t really foolproof.

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They reduced your humanity and personhood to a slur in your absence. Which means anytime you’re not around, imagine what else they’ve said? Especially now. An apology from them counts for nothing aside from symbolism at best. I highly doubt they care about your feelings at all.

Your boyfriend is suspect too in his responses to your concerns about how long it’s taking. Sounds like he hopes you’ll get over it the longer this takes, because in reality he should be seething that someone, let alone family, would call his so-called girlfriend a SLUR! Word of advice — if you plan on having kids, don’t bring biracial children into a family of racial purists.

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You’d be setting your kids up for profound emotional failure. Take from a bw who went through something similar yearsssss ago, I left and ended up meeting the guy/husband of my dreams. Don’t let him and his family stand in the way of you finding a guy (and his family) who ACTUALLY love you.

LaNina1101 − Do you really want to expose any possible future children to this kind of treatment. Imagine there would be a wedding. Your family whom you love would be there. How would you feel exposing them to these kind of people. How can you ever look at those people ever again knowing how they feel about you?

An apology is totally pointless because it is simply how they feel, whether they expressed it or not this is how they feel about you. They cannot be trusted.. Suppose you would have a child. You could never trust them around your kids. This is an untenable situation. You're only putting off the inevitable. He did not cut off his family and of course you shouldn't have to ask. But you're making it harder for yourself.

ActualAgency5593 − You shouldn’t be speaking to them OR him. Being lonely is no excuse for this.

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AnimaLumen − Honestly the fact that he hasn’t given his parents an ultimatum to get their s**t together and do whatever is necessary to mend the bridge that they napalmed to bits, is a huge red flag IMO. He cannot be neutral in this, and if he is then he is not as much of an “ally” as he thinks he is and he certainly has no business being in a relationship with a POC.

The fact that he “doesn’t know what to do” blows my mind because my parents would have gotten an ultimatum REAL FUCKIN FAST if they said something so heinous about my partner. They can either swallow their pride, apologize and kiss ass as long as it takes for my partner to feel comfortable with them or they can forget about having any kind of relationship with either of us.

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It’s actually quite simple and idk why you are letting him do this wishy washy “ooo idk what to do I can’t force them to be decent human beings :(“ b**lshit. This is something that will become a gigantic pain in your ass and possibly endanger your well-being, as well as that of any possible children you may have with him and bring into a family that will probably see them as less than just for existing.

These Reddit responses cut deep, but do they capture the full stakes? Is it about waiting for amends or safeguarding her future?

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This final chapter asks: can love endure when a family’s disapproval festers unaddressed? The woman’s patience hangs by a thread as her boyfriend’s parents stay silent, testing her trust. His commitment to her is clear, but their inaction speaks louder. What would you do if your partner’s family refused to make amends? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this emotional stalemate?

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