AITA for wanting a child free wedding, but still allowing my daughter to be there?

A bride-to-be envisions her October wedding as an elegant, child-free affair, but her plans hit a snag. Her 5-year-old daughter, set to be the flower girl, is the only child allowed, sparking a family feud when her future mother-in-law cries foul.

The bride’s heart races as whispers of unfairness spread among relatives. Her wedding, meant to be a joyous milestone, now feels like a battlefield. Reddit’s weighing in, and the drama’s as rich as wedding cake.

‘AITA for wanting a child free wedding, but still allowing my daughter to be there?’

My fiancé and I are getting married in October and while getting ready to send invitations out, my future MIL saw that I had a note stating that children under 14 are not allowed to attend the ceremony and reception, there was also a note stating if they need accommodations for a babysitter to let me know because I am hiring my usual babysitter for my reception and she is able to take on up to 6 kids.

My MIL asked what I’m going to do about my daughter, and I said she is going to be in the ceremony as a flower girl (she is 5), and then after the ceremony she is going to be with her babysitter. My MIL asked if I thought it was going to be unfair, and that if I’m saying absolutely no children under 14, then my child who is under 14 isn’t allowed to be there.

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Of course my MIL went to both sides of the family and I guess quite a few people are upset that I’m making this rule and not enforcing it with my own child. AITA? Should I be enforcing the rule with my child, I also feel like it’s my wedding and if I feel like my child is well behaved enough to be a part of it then that is my decision.

Weddings are joyous but can ignite family tensions. The bride’s choice to include her daughter as a flower girl while enforcing a child-free rule is a personal call that’s ruffled feathers. Her mother-in-law’s fairness argument pits sentiment against consistency.

This reflects wider wedding planning pressures. A 2023 survey by The Knot shows 65% of couples face family pushback on guest lists (source). The bride’s daughter, as part of the ceremony, is a common exception.

Dr. John Gottman says, “Healthy boundaries allow individuals to honor their needs” (source). The bride’s babysitting offer shows balance, but her mother-in-law’s objections hint at control.

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She should clarify her daughter’s role and stand firm. Open talk can ease drama.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s got opinions hotter than a summer reception. Here’s the scoop:

CatteHerder − NTA- your daughter isn't *attending* the ceremony, she's literally *a part of the wedding ceremony itself*.. It'd be weird for her *not* to be there.. This is a really stupid hill for her to want to die on.. Edited egregious swypo

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Organic_Extension750 − NTA. It's your wedding. Of course your child should be there. Your MIL should mind her own business especially since you are offering a baby sitter for those who need one.

HowardProject − NTA - she is your daughter and she is the flower girl and she will be with a babysitter during the reception.. Anyone who thinks it's unfair can stay home

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msspider66 − NTA!!! I never understood why people have to put no children or something similar on invitations. Most civilized people should understand that only the people listed are invited. - The Jones Family- means the entire household. - Jim and Helga Jones - means just the two of them Easy peasy!

Unfortunately some people don’t grasp that being invited to a formal event does not mean you can bring who you want. They can not bring their aunts stepsons 14 year old girlfriend. That said there are levels of who attends. The daughter of the bride has one of the highest priorities to be there, not matter what her age.

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Cousin Tillie’s five offspring do not have any priority. Your future MIL seems like a real s**t stirrer. Stick to your guns. If anyone says they won’t attend because they can’t bring their kids, tell them in your sweetest tone that they will be missed.

jennylouwhoo − NTA. It’s your wedding and your daughter. If your guest can’t understand that then they are selfish. We had limited kids at our wedding and everyone who attended understood why those kids were there.

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0biterdicta − NTA. Children of the bride and/or groom are an understandable exception to the child free rule. Of course you want your kid to be part of your special day.

doplkyj − Wow first your MIL is drama! Make boundaries clear now. And it’s your daughter she should 100% be in your wedding Anyone that see’s this as unfair is just trying to start drama honestly I don’t think anyone else was upset I think MIL is just telling you this

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TemporaryMeringue714 − NTA Did you actually hear anyone say they were upset or say it wasn't fair? If she did bring it up to others, then she is wrong for stirring things up. Just do your thing.

TheUnwrittenScript − NTA. It’s extremely common and accepted at child free wedding to allow flower girl/ring bearer/your own immediate family. I’ve been to several, and had one myself.

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Scottish_squirrel − I had my niece at my wedding who was 5. All other children were banned. Although someone showed up with newborn and babysitter in tow and made a big fuss about space for the pram. Being a parent now last thing I'd actually want is attending a wedding with my children.

It's a day to let loose and have fun. I've worked bar at weddings where the bride & groom have their own small babies and completely miss out on the day tending to the child (who'd have absolutely no memories of it).

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These takes are spicy, but do they see the full picture? Is the mother-in-law stirring trouble, or is there a point to her gripe? The bride’s in a classic wedding conundrum.

Wedding planning is like tightrope walking—balance is key. The bride’s daughter-as-flower-girl exception sparked a family clash. Is she right to bend her rule, or is fairness at stake? What would you do in her place? Share below!

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