WIBTA if I kept my brother in law’s secret?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling city pizzeria, amidst the aroma of fresh dough and mozzarella, a teenage boy and his brother-in-law shared more than just a meal—they shared a secret that could ripple through a marriage. The brother-in-law, a man navigating love and hidden beliefs, confided in his young companion about his atheism, a truth he’s concealed from his devout wife. This clandestine moment sets the stage for a tale of trust, loyalty, and the weight of secrets.

What started as a casual hangout turned into a moral crossroads for the teen. Should he honor his brother-in-law’s trust or spill the beans to his sister? It’s a dilemma that tugs at the heart, inviting readers to ponder the balance between honesty and discretion in family ties.

‘WIBTA if I kept my brother in law’s secret?’

I (16m) was recently invited by me sister's (28f) husband (30m) to hang out in the city, get pizza, watch black adam, and just connect with each other. On the trip home, we got to talking about religion, and he asked me what I though on religion, and to be honest, and that he wouldn't judge.

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I was honest, and said I was atheist, to which he seemed relieved. He then opened up saying that all his life he was pretending to have faith. He hasn't been christian since he was a teenager, and needed to tell someone. He asked me to keep it a secret and not tell anyone I wasn't positive wouldn't pass the info onto his wife or her family, because he loves her despite her faith,

but isn't sure how much his lack of would affect their marriage. My mom is always adamant that couples shoudn't have secrets, but this is really important, and I wanna do the right thing. WIBTA if I kept the secret?

This pizza-fueled confession reveals the tricky terrain of personal beliefs in relationships. The brother-in-law’s secret atheism, hidden to preserve marital harmony, places a heavy burden on a 16-year-old. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Secrets can be a form of intimacy, but when they involve withholding core truths, they risk eroding trust” (Psychology Today). The teen’s dilemma reflects this tension.

The brother-in-law’s fear stems from a broader issue: religious differences in marriage. Research shows 25% of interfaith couples face conflicts over belief disparities, especially when children are involved (Pew Research Center). His secrecy, while protective, risks betrayal if discovered, as it sidelines his wife’s right to know.

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Dr. Lerner’s insight suggests open communication is vital. The brother-in-law could share his beliefs gradually, perhaps starting with shared values rather than stark differences. For the teen, keeping the secret is reasonable but precarious. Experts advise setting boundaries—supporting the brother-in-law while encouraging him to confide in his wife or a therapist to navigate this sensitively.

For others in similar binds, discretion is fair if the secret harms no one, but encouraging honesty is key. The teen could gently nudge his brother-in-law toward openness, perhaps by sharing his own atheism with his sister to test the waters. Trust, after all, thrives on truth, not hidden toppings.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew chimed in with their classic mix of wit and wisdom, serving up opinions hotter than a fresh slice. Here’s what they had to say:

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msdu5276769 − NTA. He confided in you. There's no reason for you to go run and tell his wife. This doesn't affect his love for her. If she cares about what beliefs he holds in his head, she can ask him.

Candid_Future2520 − Adults should not ask children to keep secrets. Edit: all I’m saying is this adult put this minor in a precarious position. One that is potentially marriage ending and that’s a lot of pressure. Either way the OP is NTA.

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CoconutChai73 − NTA but I’d recommend not getting involved in this further. It’s never a good idea to get mixed up in somebody else’s relationship. If you need to speak to him again on this, just tell him you aren’t going to share this secret, but that you don’t want to be put in this position again. If he has concerns or problems he can’t share with his spouse, he shouldn’t be sharing them with his spouse’s 16 year old brother.

Ardentpause − Religion only becomes a problem once kids are involved. Once there are kids though, there's no going back. I'd ask him if he's ok with his kids being raised to be diehard christians. He's going to have to be for the marriage to work.. Whether you keep the secret or not, NAH

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Mysterious_Mind2618 − He shouldn't have put this on a 16 year old ffs. But NTA

venturebirdday − This is a secret that is correct to keep. He is harming no one. Personal faith is no one else's business. Telling would serve no purpose other than betraying the man

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[Reddit User] − NTA. It's not your secret to share, it's up to the husband to decide when/if he wants to share it. It would be different if this was an issue of the husband doing something wrong like cheating, in which case I would probably have told you to do something about it, because it's not fair to your sister. But his lack of faith is not a crime.

sciencelover12345 − NTA. This is the sort of secret that isn’t so bad to keep, more of one you just pay attention to. If he’s told you, it’s likely he is going to tell his wife soon anyway. Whether he already has, hasn’t, will or won’t, you probably won’t be told. You have agreed to keep a secret, it’s not one that needs to be shared.

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You don’t want to be the one who can’t keep a secret. This is something for you to practice discretion on. Also, you and your mom have no place in this man’s marriage. The marriage is between him and his wife. He trusted you on a personal level to confess something that is mostly harmless.

GeekynGlorious − No, you would not be the ah here for keeping this secret. He can tell his wife and family when he is ready. Do they know about you? If not, why not? His reasons are probably the same as yours.. NTA for the bot.

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jammy913 − NTA if you keep the secret. This is not about cheating. But I think you need to ask BIL to keep it a secret that you knew about this fact if ever he decides to open up to your sister. You might even be able to help him open up if you talk about your Atheism with your sister and she's accepting of it, he might feel like he can finally open up to her too.

Even Mother Teresa had doubts about her faith, so hopefully your sister won't ever let something like this come between their marriage/love for one another if she finds out. But either way, this is NOT your secret to share. It doesn't put her at any sort of risk for disease or infection, it's about personal beliefs.

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And what your mother thinks about couples and secrets really doesn't apply here. He didn't share this secret with your mother. I just don't see how it harms anyone that he has this personal belief, so I'm in favor of him being allowed to keep this to himself and shared with you.

It's a shame he can't be honest though, and that he fears that it would change the relationship since he loves her regardless of her beliefs, it'd be nice if she afforded him that same respect. Especially since he's apparently willing to join her when she goes to worship, presumably. I think it's fine to be a safe person for him to discuss this with, and that it's one of those secrets that is harmless to keep.

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These Reddit hot takes are spicier than jalapeño pizza, but do they slice through the complexity of faith and family? The consensus leans toward discretion, but some warn the teen’s caught in a grown-up mess.

This tale of a teen holding a marital secret smells like a recipe for drama. The brother-in-law’s hidden atheism, shared over pizza, leaves the young confidant at a crossroads. Should loyalty to family trump honesty, or is silence the kindest cut? What would you do if you were handed a secret that could shake a marriage? Share your thoughts—would you keep quiet or spill the sauce?

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