AITA for moving in with my mom full time because my dad and stepmom like my sister better?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban home, tension simmers like a pot left too long on the stove. A 16-year-old girl, juggling the demands of club soccer and teenage life, feels like she’s playing second fiddle to her younger sister, a dazzling competitive dancer. The sting of perceived favoritism cuts deep—private school privileges, cross-country trips, and chore exemptions for her sister clash with the girl’s own reality of public school and strict rules. When a heated argument over a simple chore erupts, she makes a bold choice: to pack her bags and move in with her mom full-time, seeking fairness.

The situation feels like a family sitcom gone wrong, where the script unfairly casts one child as the star. Readers can’t help but wonder—how does a teen navigate a home where love seems unevenly distributed? Her decision sparks a firestorm of opinions, pulling us into a story that’s as relatable as it is divisive.

‘AITA for moving in with my mom full time because my dad and stepmom like my sister better?’

My sister (15) is a competitive dancer and I (f16) play club soccer. My dad and stepmom always say they don't have favorites but my sister goes to a fancy private school with one of the best dance programs in the county and I go to public school.

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She also travels all over the country for competitions with my stepmom but I'm not allowed to go even when I don't have games because they don't want me to miss a day of school, even though they're letting my sister miss 1-2 days before the competition then another day after sometimes because she's tired from the time difference.

They also say plane tickets are expensive or there's not enough room on the bus but my dad's a pilot and the airline lets them fly free on stand by or they get discounts when they buy tickets. They even fly first class when it's more than a 2 hour flight.

Another thing that's really annoying is that she never has to do her chores. She sometimes does them but if she has to stay at the studio late or she's tired after practice or classes (which is like 99% of the time) my stepmom does them and she still gets her allowance.

I didn't want to take out the trash the other day so I asked my stepmom to do it for me. She said no and that it only takes a couple minutes. I got upset and said she would've done it if my sister asked and she told me to be quiet and take out the trash.

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We started arguing and she tried to ground me so I called my mom and told her to pick me up. My mom agreed that my stepmom was being a b**ch and said I'm old enough to say I want to live here full time so I texted her and my dad and told them that I'm living with my mom until they start treating me and my sister fairly.

I also told my dad that I'll visit him but I won't come over when his wife is home. His side of the family has been calling me ungrateful and selfish and a brat for doing this to my dad so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.

Family dynamics can feel like walking a tightrope, especially in blended households. The OP’s frustration stems from a perceived imbalance—her sister’s dance career seems to grant her privileges, while the OP’s soccer commitments don’t carry the same weight. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, “Fairness in parenting doesn’t mean treating children identically, but ensuring each feels valued” . Here, the OP’s sense of being overlooked fuels her drastic decision to leave.

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The favoritism debate isn’t just personal—it’s a broader issue. A 2018 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 65% of adolescents in blended families report perceived parental favoritism, often tied to differing interests or opportunities . The OP’s sister benefits from a scholarship and dance earnings, but the OP sees only the perks, not the effort. Her stepmom’s refusal to bend on chores, while excusing her sister, amplifies this divide.

Dr. Gottman suggests open communication to address such tensions. The OP’s choice to live with her mom signals a need for validation. Parents should acknowledge each child’s unique contributions—soccer is no less significant than dance. A calm discussion with her dad, listing specific grievances, could bridge this gap. The OP might also reflect on her sister’s workload to temper resentment.

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For solutions, the family could set clear chore expectations and discuss travel opportunities fairly, perhaps leveraging dad’s airline benefits for the OP’s soccer trips. Engaging in family therapy, as recommended by experts, could foster mutual understanding. The OP should feel empowered to voice her needs while staying open to compromise, ensuring her voice is heard without burning bridges.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew dove into this family drama like it’s the season finale of their favorite show—opinions flying, some supportive, others spicy. Here’s what they had to say:

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[Reddit User] − Nta, what does your sister think. Also they probably are lying to the extended family.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If you're old enough, you make the decisions. They can shove it. IF they really care, then you can always come back- but they're throwing up too many red flags atm

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QCr8onQ − Stop listening to all the noise. Of course your mom sided with you…Taking out the trash is not a big deal and you should not have asked your SM to do it. Take out a sheet of paper and list the benefits and drawbacks of both environments.

Then make a second list of the reasons why you don’t feel valued at your father’s house. Put the first list away for a week and then review it. Take the second list and go for coffee with your dad.. Don’t react, make thoughtful decisions.

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overseas-mango − INFO. Is your sister your 1/2 sister? Meaning she’s your dad’s and stepmom’s daughter? If yes, you’re always going to be a third class citizen in that house. Good for you for going to your mom’s house. NTA

Breadyterri − From your replies in the comments, I think you need to take a step back and really evaluate things. Your sister goes to a fancy private school and you don’t because she has a scholarship. She has a higher allowance because a part of it is money that she herself makes.

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Getting out of chores can be debated but if she’s really going all out for her career at such a young age, I would say it’s kind of understandable (I know people may disagree with this).

It also seems like she can miss school because of her school and you can’t miss them because of yours - she is able to get competition leave so her missing days for her competitions don’t affect her the way missing your days would affect you.

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I think there’s a lot of bitterness so you may be seeing everything your sister gets from a different perspective, but it seems more reasonable than in your original post with the added information. Of course, it doesn’t excuse how your stepmom or dad treats you.

But I think the most important thing right now is to sit down and actually talk with your father - exclude the stepmom please. Bring up your issues in a calm and collected way. Maybe make a list so that your father doesn’t derail the conversation. Good luck OP!

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Suitable-Cod-1381 − NTA. You're not being treated fairly at all. Staying in that environment will only harm your mental health and your relationship with your sister and this isn't her fault, it's 100% on your dad and stepmom. They're the AHs here

Enggi_god − YTA. Your sister is in a different career path as compared to you. Most performing arts have a short career and unfortunately for your sister, it appears to be early in her life.

1) Your sister goes to fancy private school with dance program because your sister actually makes money from dancing which probably goes towards school fees. 2) Your sister goes to competitions and events to make money. This is essentially work. She is missing out on school.

You joining your stepmom and sister is skipping school for a vacation. **How is it fair that you get a vacation and your sister works? Especially if your sister earnings are funding the trip**. 3) Travelling for work is a pain. It gets old really fast. Even first class, though better than economy, is tiresome if you are going on work.

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Its typically airport-hotel-work-hotel-airport with hotel leg missing at times. Stress of planning flights, missing luggage, cancelled flights etc. 4) **Your sister makes more money than your mom. Getting allowance is in itself a small percentage of her earnings.

If she has to travel, earn money and come back home and do chores instead of resting, it would be very unfair to her**. 5) Your mom gave up on your sister when she was 10 because your sister was choosing step mother over her.

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When she was 10. **I would like to know what a 10 year old can do to make her mom go no contact?** Anyways, your mom was judging her 10 year old daughter and decided to go no contact. Your mom is jealous of the green that your sister makes. Your mom is a mega a**hole.

CatsFightFridays − NTA. Parents don't like admitting when they favor one child over another. Go live with your mom. And maybe contact your extended family and tell them your side of the story (if you care). Sorry this is happening. Good luck!

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LionFyre13G − I’m confused why you think they’re favoring her when it sounds like she has a really high commitment to something that could potentially become her xareer

Aggressive_Mood214 − NTA. Of course his family is going to take his side. Don't worry about them, do what's best for YOU.

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These Redditors brought the heat, cheering the OP’s bold move or questioning her perspective with a side of shade. Some see her dad and stepmom as the real culprits, while others argue her sister’s hustle justifies the perks. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This story of favoritism and family friction hits home for anyone who’s felt overshadowed. The OP’s decision to choose her mom’s house over a perceived unfair environment sparks a bigger question about fairness in blended families. Should parents strive for equal treatment, or is it fair to prioritize one child’s unique talents? Her bold move invites us to reflect on balancing love and opportunity. What would you do if you felt like the odd one out in your family? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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