AITA for telling dad that he was selfish for wanting to raise his employee’s salary?
In a cozy small-town office, where the hum of a struggling family business filled the air, a daughter’s bold stand sparked a heated family debate. Jane, a hardworking 23-year-old who’d become like family, was set to chase her college dreams, but her boss—the OP’s dad—had other plans. Murmuring about a raise to keep her tethered to a sinking ship, he stirred tension, prompting his daughter to call him out for putting his business above Jane’s future.
The office, cluttered with old files and the scent of coffee, was more than a workplace for Jane—it was a second home. Loved like a daughter by the family, she’d spent Thanksgivings with them, filling a void left by a lost sister. Yet, with the business faltering and no real future, the daughter’s blunt words to her dad—calling his raise idea selfish—ignited a clash over loyalty, ambition, and what it means to truly care.
‘AITA for telling dad that he was selfish for wanting to raise his employee’s salary?’
This family clash cuts to the heart of balancing personal care with professional ethics. The OP’s dad, emotionally attached to Jane, saw a raise as a way to keep her close, but the OP viewed it as a trap. Dr. Amy Edmondson, a leadership expert, notes, “Good intentions don’t justify actions that limit others’ growth” . The dad’s offer, though heartfelt, risks anchoring Jane to a dead-end job.
The OP’s blunt call-out, while harsh, stems from genuine concern for Jane’s future. The dad’s business, described as barely surviving, offers no long-term prospects, especially with his retirement looming. A 2021 study from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that a bachelor’s degree significantly boosts career mobility and earnings . By pushing Jane toward college, the OP champions her potential over her dad’s short-term needs.
This situation reflects a broader tension: employers using financial incentives to retain talent in unpromising roles. Jane, young and without a family safety net, might feel pressured to stay due to her bond with the family. The dad’s raise could exploit her fears of change, even unintentionally. The OP’s stance challenges this dynamic, urging her dad to prioritize Jane’s long-term success over his emotional or business interests.
To resolve this, the OP could soften her approach, as her mom suggested, by acknowledging her dad’s care for Jane while emphasizing college as her best path. Dr. Edmondson advises open dialogue to align intentions with outcomes. The OP might encourage Jane directly, offering support for her transition, while suggesting her dad provide a scholarship or farewell bonus instead of a raise.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit users were split but passionate, with many praising the OP for defending Jane’s college dreams against a potentially manipulative raise. They saw the dad’s offer as a selfish bid to keep Jane in a failing business, though some argued it’s Jane’s choice and the OP shouldn’t interfere.
Others felt the OP overstepped by dictating Jane’s path, emphasizing her right to decide. The debate underscores the fine line between protecting someone’s future and respecting their autonomy, with no easy answers.
This family feud over a raise reveals the messy interplay of care, control, and ambition. The OP’s push for Jane’s college dreams clashes with her dad’s desire to keep her close, raising questions about what true support looks like. How would you navigate helping someone chase their goals while respecting their choices? Share your thoughts below.
