AITA for not agreeing to “move” Christmas because I have to work?

A festive family Christmas plan unraveled when a last-minute change collided with a work commitment. A 41-year-old Reddit user, locked into double overtime shifts after agreeing to a Christmas Eve celebration, faced their brother’s demand to move the holiday to December 29th for a free Disneyland trip. Offering to join after work, the OP was branded selfish, sparking a heated spat that left family ties frosty.

This AITA post jingles with tension over family flexibility and personal boundaries. Reddit’s decking the halls with support for the OP, but was their stance merry and bright, or a bit Scrooge-like? Let’s unwrap this holiday hullabaloo, where schedules and siblings clash.

‘AITA for not agreeing to “move” Christmas because I have to work?’

A brother’s spontaneous Disney plan threw a wrench into a settled Christmas schedule, stirring family drama. Here’s the Reddit user’s story in their own words:

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About a month ago, my family decided our Christmas plans. We are going to exchange and open presents with all the kids at our parents house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with our individual families (my brother with his wife a kids at his house, etc...). Because of this, I told my job I'd be willing to work the 26-31st.

In response, my boss said I could make double overtime, since no one wants to work that time. My brother (55) calls me (41) last night ask if we could move Christmas at my parents to Saturday the 29th. Apparently his wife scored some free tix to Disneyland and they're going on Christmas eve. His wife wants us to spend the whole day on Saturday the 29th cooking as a family, hanging out, and playing games.

He said 'we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents' to try to sell it to me. I said 'sorry I told my job I'd work. I'm more than happy to join you all around 6pm. But I can't do an all day family thing.' He blew up. He said I'm being selfish bc I care more about making money than family.

I said I didn't mind it being moved, but he has to understand I already made plans because we were originally doing this on Christmas Eve and I've already asked for that day off. Since he's the one who's moving things around, he has to be flexible, not me. I'm 100% willing to do Christmas on Saturday, but just after my work is over.

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No, for him it's all all day family day or nothing. (Of course, if I end up not showing up I'll get s**t from my parents.) Of course he did not agree. He doesn't understand why I can't spend the whole day with the family and just not go to work. Or move the work day to Christmas Eve. My job actually decided not to be open that day bc everyone wanted it off. So I couldn't switch as he suggested.

I keep trying to explain that other people at my job have already made plans to be off Saturday because I said I was going in, and I'm literally going to be the only one at work those days. He called me a spoiled brat and hung up. Am I being the a**hole here? I don't mind celebrating later.

But I do mind being expected to re-arrange my schedule because they want to go to Disneyland for free. I mind being painted as the bad guy because I have boundaries. I mind that we are both too damn old to be having this kind of issue in the first place.

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UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your support. I really wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable or not. Just FYI my bro convinced my parents and my sister that I was being completely unreasonable. The big family Christmas will be Saturday morning (when I'm working). I dropped my gifts for my family and the kids off at my parents house yesterday and was told this.

I told them I hope they have fun and Merry Christmas. I meant that sincerely. They're not going to change and I'm tired of defending myself. The good news is because I'm working that weekend, my boss giving me rest of the week off PAID double OT bc the building will be closed for some light renovations until Jan 2nd! Score!

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This Christmas conundrum exposes the friction of shifting family traditions under pressure. The OP’s commitment to work, based on the original Christmas Eve plan, was a reasonable boundary, especially with the financial incentive of double overtime. The brother’s insistence on an all-day event, dismissing OP’s compromise, reflects an entitlement that ignores the ripple effects of his last-minute change.

Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, notes, “When family members demand unilateral changes without regard for others’ commitments, it breeds resentment” (Source). The brother’s “selfish” accusation projects his own inflexibility, while the family’s alignment with him sidelines OP. A 2023 Journal of Family Psychology study found that 55% of holiday conflicts arise from unequal accommodation of family members’ schedules (Source).

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This ties to broader issues of fairness and family dynamics. The OP’s willingness to join post-work shows flexibility, but the brother’s all-or-nothing stance and the family’s compliance highlight a lack of mutual respect. Advice: OP could calmly reiterate to their parents, “I’m happy to celebrate on the 29th after work; I can’t change my shift since I committed based on our original plan.” Dropping off gifts was a mature move; they could host a post-holiday gathering to reconnect. Family mediation might address recurring favoritism.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit strung up festive support, roasting the brother’s bah-humbug attitude. Here’s what the community had to say about this holiday schedule showdown:

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brownbird8888 − NTA. You made a work commitment. It's not about money at all. It's about keeping to your word. However, your brother is reneging on the family's original plans for Christmas because be scored some free tickets to Disney. If he wants to split chips, he is the one who is choosing $$ over the family.

johnqevil − NTA, and your brother is a bag of d*cks.

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jamster1960 − Okay, two answers: NTA, and WTF? Your brother is being a HUGE A-hole. He wants everyone to move their plans around so they can go to Disneyland? I get asking (although he didn’t say “so we can ALL go to Disneyland - just him). You made commitments based on agreed plans, your boss and coworkers made plans based on that commitment.

Sorry bud, you can’t keep changing things for your own benefit and expect the world to revolve around you and accommodate you. Continue being the adult. Go to work, show up when you can, enjoy the time you get with family, and let him be the one who “ruins” his Christmas.

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CheyBridgeMan − NTA. And unfortunately, when people are this unreasonable and egocentric, it gets worse, not better the more people are in the mix. You accommodated the original plan. You are trying to mitigate the change in a reasonable way. He is definitely being the a**hole.

And as a side note: it sounds like maybe you don’t have kids. I think it’s always worse when you don’t have kids because people assume you have all the free time and money in the world and should accommodate them “because kids”.

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rhys12579 − NTA. They made plans for the 24th you made a schedule around that and then changed the date to the 29th and are surprised you have already planned other things that can't be cancelled.

curiousrut − NTA. He says you care more about work than spending time with your family? How about the fact that he cares more about his plans to go to Disney that didn’t previously exist than his family? At least work you need to do to have money. His trip is literally for fun. You made your work schedule around the initial plans.

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Your brother is definitely TA and honestly so is the rest of your family if they move Christmas for you brother knowing you can’t make it. They can’t just choose one child like that. It’s his fault and he should be the one to have to compromise.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your brother accusing you of being selfish is hilarious though when the reason he wants to move it is for himself.

ShaydeeInOz − NTA. Families man.. I got nothing for ya honey but he needs to sit the f**k down.

magicfluff − NTA. the 'spoiled brat' comment sounds like someone is projecting.... If he can't stick to the original plans, he can't get upset when people can't make the sudden changes (especially this close to Christmas when everyone already has their schedules figured out).

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udumslut − I don't understand the bro.. 1. Brother tries to move pre-determined Christmas festivities bc WiFeY wAnTs DiSnEyLaNd. Is not selfish. 2. OP tries to compromise as there are other commitments that have been made that cannot be backed out of. Wicked selfish.. NTA, but can other siblings/parents weigh in and let brother know what a rigid, selfish ass he's being?

These Reddit sleigh bells ring for OP, but do they miss the family’s perspective? Is OP’s work-first stance fair, or a tad frosty?

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This Christmas clash jingles with the tension of a family divided by a Disney-driven schedule shake-up. The OP’s refusal to ditch work for a last-minute holiday move won Reddit’s cheers, but their brother’s “selfish” jab and the family’s shift left them out in the cold. Was OP right to hold their ground, or could they have warmed to a compromise? Have you faced family demands to rearrange your holidays? What would you do to keep the season bright? Deck the comments below and keep the convo merry!

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