AITA for saying no to my wife to be a bridesmaid?

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Wedding bells should ring with joy, but for one Reddit user, they’re sounding a costly alarm. Set to be his brother’s best man, he balked when the bride demanded his wife, a reluctant bridesmaid, don a lavender wardrobe for a week-long bachelorette bash, showers, and more—thousands of dollars for outfits she’d never rewear.

Knowing his wife’s dislike for the bride’s vibe, he nixed her role, opting for guest status. The bride’s “aesthetic” dreams clashed with their budget and comfort, sparking a family feud. In a world of Instagram-perfect weddings, this tale of boundaries and bold moves unfolds. Can the couple stand firm, or will the bride’s vision steamroll their choice?

‘AITA for saying no to my wife to be a bridesmaid?’

I (am or was) going to be the best man at my brother’s wedding next year. My wife was invited to be a bridesmaid and she Initially said yes. It turns out that the bride is now expecting my wife to get a whole new wardrobe for the bridal showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal, and reception dinner on top of her bridesmaid's dress.

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The only color she’s allowed to wear to all of these events is the same lavender color as her bridesmaid dress. She was even given a few swatches of that material to take shopping with her. The shoes and makeup have to match for photos. Even pajamas have to match.

The bachelorette party is a week getaway plus all of the other events it’s like an additional 10 days of clothes that my wife will never wear again. She normally wears black or dark color clothes. I bring this up to my brother after he brings hands me the swatches of fabric. I told him this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

He said that’s why they giving me almost a year to get all of the items together for the bachelorette and weddings. I’m thinking of my wife’s reaction because she’s already not great friends with the bride. I told my brother that my wife can attend the wedding as a guest and not a bridesmaid.

My bother gets mad saying I’m upsetting his fiancée’s aesthetic that she’s had planned. He’s just asking for a few days of accommodation and I said no. He tells me I’m no longer his best man for this and I’m selfish for destroying his fiancée’s dream wedding over a few dresses.

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Edit: I don’t know why Reddit would think I didn’t discuss this with my wife. I told her afterward and she laughed saying “Hard pass” Maybe when your grow up get into a functional healthy relationship you’ll understand that you can predict your partner’s moods and boundaries.

This Reddit user’s stand against his brother’s fiancée’s wedding demands is a bold boundary move. The bride’s insistence on a lavender wardrobe for multiple events, including a pricey week-long bachelorette trip, burdens the user’s wife, who isn’t even close to her. By declining the bridesmaid role, the user honored his wife’s comfort, but his brother’s reaction—dumping him as best man—shows clashing priorities. Reddit’s support calls out the bride’s entitlement.

Wedding costs are soaring. A 2023 The Knot study found bridesmaids spend $1,800 on average, excluding travel. The bride’s demands push this far higher, ignoring the user’s wife’s preferences. Her “aesthetic” vision risks alienating loved ones for fleeting photos.

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Dr. Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out, notes, “Weddings amplify entitlement when couples prioritize image over relationships.” The bride’s rigid rules reflect this, while the user’s decision protects his wife’s boundaries. His brother’s loyalty to his fiancée overlooks family ties, escalating the drama.

The user could propose a calm talk, suggesting the bride adjust expectations, like covering some costs or relaxing dress codes. If tensions persist, attending as guests keeps the peace without sacrificing values. This saga shows weddings should celebrate love, not control.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit unleashed colorful takes on this wedding showdown. Here’s what they said:

[Reddit User] - NTA It’s so incredibly selfish when brides do s**t like this. It’s unfair to expect everyone to spend what will ultimately be thousands to try and accomodate this type of request. Your brother is being delusional.

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My judgement would have been different if you hadn't clarified that your wife felt the same. Yeah, there was no prior discussion, but as someone who's been married for going on 11 years, I get that at some point, you can predict their feelings on a subject. Sometimes, you get it wrong, but you already knew your wife was tepid in their feelings towards bride.

Snackgirl_Currywurst - NTA. PEOPLE, HE *KNOWS* HIS WIFE! If this would happen to my partner, I'd expect to have my back, too. This isn't 'speaking for her', this is backing her up. That's actually his job at a husband.. Back to the topic: this is nuts. Good thing you didn't take their s**t.

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NTA and your wife is awesome with the 'hard pass.' Brides (and couples) put WAY too much pressure on how the day will go and can go overboard with demands. The aesthetic should be the love between the people getting married and celebrating that love.. Edit: spelling

No_Scientist7086 - NTA If your wife thinks it’s terrible too. I would not be a part of that. That’s insane. The wedding is the only place they should be dictating a dress code.

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Emsintheair - NTA no one needs to be looking like a Parma violet for more then a day

alv269 - NTA. What is up with people expecting others to shell out thousands of dollars to be part of their wedding, and even pre-wedding activities? I also don't get these week long getaways that everyone but the bride pays for.

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extrabigcomfycouch - Lol @ the edit. I can get behind maybe matching pyjamas-though should be a gift from bride-but the rest is instagram-ridiculous. Loved yours and your wife’s reaction.. NTA

A bachelorette party used to be a one night thing. The entitlement of some people has gotten out of hand. It's also a year in advance, so there's plenty of time for her to find someone else that can keep with her aesthetics.

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Runs13point1s - INFO: what does your wife want?

ResponseMountain6580 - NTA because you know your wife well enough to know that she is not going to enjoy being dressed up in lavender for days at a time, and basically you aren't deciding for her, you are telling your brother what her reaction would be. It sounded from the title like you were stopping her from doing something she wanted to do. Clearly this isn't the case, but I can see why people thought that before the edit.

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Starr_Lights - NTA This is after the edit. People aren't accessories and your not an Ah when you don't bend to their will.

HarLeighMom - Ugh, if I read/hear about a bride's or couple's wedding aesthetic, I'm going to scream into a pillow. I get themes are a thing and wanting things to look nice the day of, but the whole idea of aesthetic is just, ugh. I wonder if my red hair or shorter arms have kept me out of wedding parties because it would take away from the esthetic.

I do know that my BIL got screamed at by his new wife during pictures because he was being nice and bringing me to the front and to stand near my husband for this huge group photo. She wanted people where she wanted them and that excluded me being anywhere near the front near center.

It was photo kind of from above so me being in front wasn't necessary (I'm 4'11' for context). My brother in law was being sweet wanting me to be at least near my husband, but it didn't fit the bride's vision. 'We spent $5000 on this photographer and I don't want her looking like she's part of the wedding party!'

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My judgement would have been different if you hadn't clarified that your wife felt the same. Yeah, there was no prior discussion, but as someone who's been married for going on 11 years, I get that at some point, you can predict their feelings on a subject. Sometimes, you get it wrong, but you already knew your wife was tepid in their feelings towards bride.

NTA and your wife is awesome with the 'hard pass.' Brides (and couples) put WAY too much pressure on how the day will go and can go overboard with demands. The aesthetic should be the love between the people getting married and celebrating that love.. Edit: spelling

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Emsintheair - NTA no one needs to be looking like a Parma violet for more then a day

extrabigcomfycouch - Lol @ the edit. I can get behind maybe matching pyjamas-though should be a gift from bride-but the rest is instagram-ridiculous. Loved yours and your wife’s reaction.. NTA

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Runs13point1s - INFO: what does your wife want?

These spicy opinions slam the bride’s demands, but do they miss any nuance?

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This wedding tale reveals how a bride’s vision can clash with practical boundaries. The user’s choice to prioritize his wife’s comfort over costly demands was fair, but it cost him his best man role. Open talks or stepping back as guests could mend ties. What would you do if a wedding’s “aesthetic” demanded your wallet and style? Drop your thoughts below!

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