AITA for kicking out my boyfriend when he lied about going to online college?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine pouring your heart into supporting your partner, juggling two jobs to cover bills, only to find out they’ve been lying about chasing their dreams. For one woman, this gut-punch came when her boyfriend of eight years, Alex, admitted he dropped out of online college but kept up the charade while she paid the rent. His minimal chores in their tiny apartment didn’t soften the blow of his deception.

The betrayal stung, leading her to kick him out of their shared home, sparking a firestorm of criticism from friends and family. Readers can feel the weight of her dilemma: love tangled with trust broken, all while footing the bill. This story dives into the messy heart of relationships, where honesty and effort collide, leaving everyone wondering how to balance love with accountability.

‘AITA for kicking out my boyfriend when he lied about going to online college?’

The consensus so far, according to all of my friends and family, is that I'm the a**hole, but I feel like they're all biased towards my boyfriend and not listening to my side of the story.

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Alex and I have been dating since high school. We've been together eight years. Last year he decided to start college for degree in graphic design, and his parents are paying for his tuition.

He was living in a college dorm first semester, then the pandemic started, he was removed from campus housing, and we decided to move in together. He *was supposed to* be doing college online via zoom or Google or whatever. I work a full time job and a part time job and I pay for all of the bills.

Alex contributes $200 towards the $900 rent, which he gets from his parents. I've been supporting him without any complaints because I know when he's graduated he'll be able to support both of us on a nicer salary than what I make as a grocery clerk and delivering pizza.

Last week Alex confessed to me that he finished second semester of freshman year online and then decided to drop out because he didn't like the online classes. Up until now, I was under the impression that he was still in class because he spent most of his time on his laptop. I asked if he was looking for a job and he said no.

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He said his job is keeping the house clean and cooking dinner but I feel like that's minimal effort. We live in a tiny apartment, we do not have pets, we do not have kids; vacuuming once a week and making a meal for two people is not a real job.

I took his keys and told him to leave. My name is on the apartment lease and I pay the rent. I think we were both thinking it'd just be for a night or two but it's been a week now and he's only come back once, to get some of his stuff he forgot. I haven't packed anything up yet and I'm not sure if I want him gone for good or not.

I really don't think this is worth breaking up over and I love living together with him, but I don't wanna support an able-bodied adult man if he's not at least trying to do something to better himself. He's staying at his mom's house now and she's pissed at me. My own parents think I'm being ridiculous and overreacting.

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Our friends have all taken his side and one of them even called me abusive for kicking him out. Alex hasn't said one way or the other whether he wants to come back, we actually haven't spoken/messaged much at all since I kicked him out.. AITA?

Discovering a partner’s lie about something as big as college is like finding a crack in the foundation of your relationship. This woman, working two jobs to support Alex, faced a breach of trust when he admitted to dropping out without telling her. His minimal contribution—$200 toward rent and basic chores—pales against her financial burden, highlighting an imbalance. The real sting? He hid his decision for months, undermining their shared future.

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A 2022 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 67% of relationship conflicts stem from undisclosed decisions, eroding trust. Alex’s secrecy and lack of initiative clash with the woman’s expectation of mutual effort, especially since she banked on his future degree. His assumption that chores sufficed shows a disconnect in their partnership.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “Trust is built in the small moments of honesty and accountability” . Alex’s failure to communicate his dropout violated this principle, leaving the woman justified in her reaction. Her decision to set boundaries by asking him to leave reflects self-respect, not overreaction.

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Moving forward, she could initiate an honest conversation about expectations, perhaps setting conditions for his return, like securing a job. Couples facing similar issues should prioritize open communication and shared goals. This story underscores that love doesn’t mean carrying someone else’s weight—mutual effort is the glue that holds partnerships together.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for this relationship drama. Here’s their unfiltered take:

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Stuck_suck − NTA because he’s seemingly not asking to stay. It really looks like he has intentionally sabotaged both his education and your relationship. From all appearances, he looks perfectly happy to go home with mom and not come back to your apartment, I’m sorry to say.

InsidiousToilet − Definitely NTA. He lied to you about something that directly relates to your future together, and kept it from you so that he could skate by while you do everything for him. I'd be pissed, just as you *rightfully* are. Parents can be pissed all they want, but it's *not* their relationship.

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It's yours. Think about what your future together would look like with this kind of behavior. If he slacks off this much, what will he do in the future, especially if something were to happen to you, such that he'd have to bear everything on his own?. You're doing the right thing.

Bambie-Rizzo − NTA. Why is everyone okay with him taking advantage of you? He doesn’t want to finish his degree, fine. Get a job and contribute. You don’t get to appoint yourself a house spouse without consulting with your partner. Drop him, drop your friends. You’d think your parents would want someone better for you!

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DepartmentOutrageous − 100% NTA. He LIED and completely took advantage of your generosity. Trash took itself out.

[Reddit User] − Well I am on your side. I don't think anyone knows what is really going on with him, so their opinions on your actual financial and living situation do not matter.. You were under the impression that your boyfriend was pursing his degree. That was a lie. So he's been lying for over 9 months.

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Sitting in the apartment without even an online job to pay a light bill. His family is only mad because they have an extra drain on their resources, that's not your business. I wonder how you didn't know he wasn't in school, but working two jobs makes it difficult to catch a liar slipping. Keep him out your house until he gets a job (since you don't want to break up with his lying ass). Make sure he brings you 4 pay stubs as proof of employment.. ​. NTA

Prymaat_Conehead − NTA - Him being the house spouse only works if it is agreed upon by you both. Which it was not, you were left in the dark about being the breadwinner. If he can't pull his weight he should stay with mommy.

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ruinedbymovies − NTA- truthfulness and trust are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. He abused your trust and took advantage of his parents, it also doesn’t sound like you have great communication as a couple?

Graysconfused − Absolutely NTA, and this internet stranger is proud of you for putting your foot down. Don't let him back in

notMateo − Imo NTA. Originally I wanted to say no assholes, but he kept very very important information from you. That's a breach of trust. I don't think you overreacted at all; if he was going to drop out I think it's important to at least communicate that to you. The fact that he did none of that means he got what he deserves.

That said, I hope this is a stepping stone in your relationship and not the end of it. A lot of Reddit loves to see someone do one bad thing and say things like 'DIVORCE HIM AND KILL THE CHILDREN', but it's clear you still care about him, so maybe it's time to talk it out?

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Anyways I should stop soapboxing. This isn't an advice subreddit after all. Hope whatever happens with you it's for the best.

Ryuloulou − NTA . He scammed you and lied to your face for months. How is that a sane relationship ? if you like him enough to forgive that, I wouldn‘t advise to living together as long as he doesn’t work. You cannot be a sugar mommy on a Clerk salary

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These Redditors backed the woman’s stand, slamming Alex’s deception and freeloading ways. Some questioned her friends’ loyalty, others urged her to hold firm. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the breakup flames?

This tale of broken trust and tough choices lights up the messy reality of relationships built on unequal effort. The woman’s decision to kick Alex out wasn’t just about a lie—it was about reclaiming her boundaries. When trust takes a hit, how do you rebuild, or know when to walk away? Share your thoughts and experiences below—what would you do if your partner’s lie left you footing the bill?

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