MIL keeps walking in my house unannounced – AITA?

A creaky door swings open, and a startled mom juggles a toddler while scrambling for a robe—her mother-in-law (MIL) has strolled in again, unannounced. For this Reddit user, their kind-hearted, 80-year-old MIL’s habit of barging into their home, even using a spare key, is wearing thin.

Despite pleas to ring the doorbell, nothing changes, and her husband brushes it off, saying family gets a free pass. In their cozy home, where a toddler’s chaos reigns, this tale of boundaries and frustration unfolds. Can the user reclaim their privacy without ruffling family feathers, or will MIL’s surprise visits keep sparking tension?

‘MIL keeps walking in my house unannounced – AITA?’

My 80-ish year old mother in law lives about a mile from my husband and I. She is a wonderful person. She helps us and is kind and has great intentions. I love her dearly. However, I am getting frustrated because she seems to think it is okay to walk into my home at any time without knocking, ringing the bell, or even letting us know she's coming over.

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If the doors are locked, she uses the spare key we gave her for emergencies. It startles me. I'm not always wearing appropriate clothing for guests, especially since I have a toddler who doesn't allow me to close any doors (bedroom or bathroom) because she gets into everything if I do, even if its only for a minute or two.

My husband doesn't agree with my frustrations, but he did talk to her about ringing the bell. He said she can drop by anytime, but asked her not to just walk in. Even after the conversation, nothing changed. She just walked in again without letting us know she was even coming over.

I'm beyond frustrated. My husband is now upset with me and thinks I need to let it go. He says that she is family and that she should be able to just walk in anytime. He says that it is my issue and that I am the one who is the problem, not her.. Am I the a**hole for just wanting her to ring the doorbell when she comes over?. ​

This Reddit user’s frustration with their MIL’s unannounced visits highlights a classic boundary clash. The user’s home, a whirlwind of toddler chaos, demands privacy, yet their MIL’s casual walk-ins—key in hand—disrupt it. The husband’s dismissal, insisting family needs no boundaries, fuels the tension. Reddit’s fixes, like changing locks, underscore the user’s right to feel secure.

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Boundary issues are common in families. A 2020 Psychology Today article notes 60% of couples face in-law conflicts, often over uninvited intrusions. The MIL’s kindness doesn’t negate the user’s need for control over their space, especially with a toddler’s demands. The husband’s stance risks alienating his spouse by prioritizing his mother’s feelings.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Healthy couples align on boundaries to protect their shared space.” The husband’s refusal to enforce a simple doorbell rule undermines this. The user’s request isn’t about rejecting MIL but ensuring comfort at home. To resolve this, they could install a chain lock for immediate control and calmly explain to MIL that ringing the bell respects their space. A family meeting, emphasizing mutual respect, might align the husband. If resistance persists, a therapist could help navigate this dynamic.

This saga shows boundaries are key to harmony. The user should stand firm while keeping talks kind to preserve family ties.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit brought the sass, dishing out bold ideas for this boundary battle. Here’s what they shared:

simplemindedturtle - Nta. I’d change the locks or take her key away. Husband needs to understand it’s your home too, you deserve to be comfortable in you own home. If it were me as soon as I hear the door open I’m getting n**ed or start doing something weird. Make her feel uncomfortable.

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Highlife-Mom - Your husband is the issue here, not MIL.

AlaskanPuppyMom - NTA. Install a chain on the doors so she can't open them.

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scootypuffs9 - NTA, she may be family, she may be wonderful, but it's your damn house. My petty ass can think of two options; install a deadbolt on the exterior doors, a spare key can't unlock a steel bar, or just only wear thong bikinis or something incredibly revealing that would make her uncomfortable to see you in. Nobody gets hurt and mayble she'll learn her lesson.

NonniSpumoni - NTA...but you have a HUSBAND problem, my dear. He DOESN'T RESPECT YOUR PRIVACY OR FEELINGS. Install a chain lock on all of your doors. You will need one soon because your toddler will be old enough to open doors and escape n**ed down the road when you try and go to the bathroom for 15 seconds. (Trust me on this) But...boundaries are good to have. Show your husband these comments.

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Asking for a phone call is not a big deal. It's a small ask. He should be able to get his mom to behave in a way that is only polite, FFS... Even if I lived NEXT DOOR to my children I would f**king text for permission before coming over. They want to put a tiny home in their backyard for me...I would not go to the main house from there without texting...it's only polite. A d common sense.

rTracker_rTracker - When she comes over, immediately pick up your keys and run out to “do an errand.”. Every. Time.. Do not offer her a drink. Barely say hello. And just head straight out the door. Treat yourself to a Burke Williams (or equivalent) membership and always have that go bag packed and ready.. Anytime she comes over is an immediate spa day for you - sauna, hot tub you name it.. Just say you have an treatment booked.. Byeeeee

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Hefty_Ad_3583 - NTA but give one of your family member a key and just text them randomly to come over and see how he likes it

Winter-eyed - Get a ring camera with motion sensor. It will give you extra warning time and you can activate the speaker and tell her you need a few minutes and you’ll come to meet her at the door.. Your husband is wrong. You have a right to feel secure and comfortable in your own home.

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TarzanKitty - NTA. You deserve to feel safe and relaxed in your own home.

ceggle143 - Refuse to have s** with your husband until he gets it.. “Let’s have s**.”. “But your mother could walk in.”. “It’s ten pm!”. “You said she could swing by whenever…” (insert innocent shrug) EDIT for clarification: because people are commenting on this— this isn’t a suggestion as a means of revenge. It’s not “oh he won’t listen, so I’ll deny him s**.” OP’s husband doesn’t understand how she feels.

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To know someone could walk in to your own house whenever they want makes you feel violated. The only way OP’s husband is going to get this is if she demonstrates to him all the ways she feels uncomfortable in her own home knowing MIL could let herself in whenever.

S** is absolutely one of those times. How is she supposed to get in the mood and feel comfortable and at ease having s** with her husband if MIL decides it’s a good time to swing by and investigate what’s happening?

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These fiery takes push for privacy, but do they go too far?

This tale of unannounced visits reveals how small habits can spark big tensions. The user’s plea for a doorbell ring is a fair bid for privacy, not a rejection of their sweet MIL. Clear boundaries and open talks could steer this family back to harmony. What would you do if an in-law kept popping into your home uninvited? Drop your thoughts below!

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