AITA for “exposing” and “embarrassing” my brothers girlfriend?

The aroma of traditional Indian dishes filled the air at a grandmother’s 90th birthday celebration, but the real spice came from an unexpected family clash. When a casual kitchen chat revealed that the brother’s girlfriend, Jessica, faked severe allergies to dodge “curry stuff,” a mother’s confrontation turned the party sour. The sibling’s offhand remark about their onion-laden soup sparked the drama, leaving Jessica humiliated and family ties strained.

This Reddit saga serves up a tangy mix of culinary culture, honesty, and unintended consequences. Jessica’s lie to avoid Indian food backfired spectacularly, and the sibling’s slip stirred the pot. As Reddit dishes out verdicts, the question simmers: was exposing her a misstep, or did her deception deserve the heat?

‘AITA for “exposing” and “embarrassing” my brothers girlfriend?’

So I'll keep this as brief as I can. My brother started dating this lady 'Jessica' in January. The three of us live in the same city, about 3hrs from me & my bros parents/extended family so until recently, I was the only member of his family Jessica had met.

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One of my brother's favourite things to eat is this sweet potato and red pepper soup I make. The relevant info here is that this soup features onions as an ingredient - not enough that you'd eat it and go 'oh wow this sure tastes like onions', but enough that if you skipped them it wouldn't taste right.

I make this soup for him approximately once a week, and Jessica has come to love it as much as he does, without ever mentioning any issues after eating it. So, the issue. My brother, Jessica and I traveled to bro and I's hometown for our grandmother's 90th birthday celebration this week.

Our mum was catering it specifically with traditional Indian foods, since that's where she and our grandmother are from. However when we arrived and I offered to help mum with the prep work, I noticed she was making several additional dishes like chicken nuggets, chips and finger sandwiches, and was keeping them well separate from the resr of the food.

I asked what that was about and she casually said 'I'm just making sure that Jessica can have something to eat with her allergies.' I said I didn't know she had allergies and mum said 'yes, she says she's severely allergic to onion, garlic and corriander.' If you're familiar with Indian cuisine at all, you get why it would be an issue for someone with these allergies.

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Except...Jessica eats my soup. All the time. It has onions, and it's never caused her a reaction. The part where I may have been an a**hole is I said this to my mum - which, if you're familiar with Indian mothers, you may understand how that could have been a bad move.

She didn't kick off or act aggressive, but she did confront Jessica about lying and ask if there was something wrong with her cooking. Jessica just got kind of red and stammery and eventually admitted that she just 'doesn't like all that curry stuff' but thought saying she was allergic would be less awkward.

Mum got pissed off because she'd taken such efforts to keep everything separate and whatever to avoid cross-contamination, Jessica got pissed off because Mum was pissed off, my brother got pissed off at me fir saying anything in the first place. Everything got rather awkward and Jessica ended up not even coming to rhe party.

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They now haven't spoken to me all week, except for my brother telling me I'm a gossipy arsehole and I shouldn't have said anything, which...yeah, I kind of get. Was I an a**hole? I didn't intend to cause drama, it was kinda just a surprised 'oh that's weird my soup with onions in doesn't make her ill'. I feel bad for ruining her first impression with our family and embarassing her.. 

Lying about allergies to avoid cultural foods is a risky shortcut that can erode trust, especially in family settings. Dr. Pamela Rutledge, a social psychologist, explains, “Misrepresenting dietary needs to sidestep cultural differences often signals discomfort with honest communication” (psychologytoday). Jessica’s fake allergy claim, meant to avoid awkwardness, burdened the host with extra work and insulted their heritage when exposed.

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This incident highlights broader issues of cultural respect. A 2023 study by the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that 65% of people feel disrespected when their cultural practices, like food, are dismissed (tandfonline). The sibling’s remark, though not malicious, amplified the mother’s hurt by revealing Jessica’s deceit. The mother’s confrontation, while direct, stemmed from wasted effort and cultural pride.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, advises, “Address conflicts with curiosity, not accusation, to foster understanding” (gottman). The sibling could have privately alerted their brother, allowing a quieter resolution. For resolution, an apology for the public fallout, paired with a discussion about cultural respect, could mend ties. Jessica should acknowledge her misstep and embrace honesty. This story underscores the need for tact in sensitive family moments.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crowd dove in like hungry guests at a buffet, serving up support for the sibling with a side of scorn for Jessica’s lie. They praised the accidental truth-telling but tsk-tsked the mother’s blunt approach. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA - you didn't expose her maliciously, you were simple caught in her lie. Nothing would have happenned if Jessica haven't lie to start with. Faking allergies to force people to cater to you needs is very disrespectful.

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I understand that Jessica is mad at you because now, she won't get any respect from this side of the family and will always be seen as the liar. But it's all on her. She played a stupid game, she won a stupid prize.

lauv2308 − NTA. They are just pissed because they got caught on their lie . Do post the soup recipe though , if you don't mind :p

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Unit-Healthy − NTA.. * Jessica lied to your mom to avoid 'all that curry stuff'. * Brother blamed you for gossiping? You answered your mom's honest conversation about how she was trying to do the right kind of cooking for Jessica.. * Your mom sounds great. Poor woman to have Jessica for a possible future DIL.

No-Policy-4095 − NTA - I mean she lied, she got caught. You didn't deliberately go out of your way to expose her. Your mother could have handled it in a more polite way than openly confronting her....but at the end of the day, her lies led up to this.. My open letter to Jessica Dear Jessica, I am sorry your lies caught up with you and resulted in your embarrassment.

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While we are here discussing this, thank you for making things \*that\* much harder for people who have legit allergies to foods by faking them....it's so much fun to have to graphically describe what I mean when I say my child is allergic to shellfish because of so many people saying they are 'allergic' to s**t they really just don't like.

MandaDian − NTA. If she didn’t want to get caught in a lie, she shouldn’t have lied in the first place.

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yellowfin88 − Ummm, gonna need that sweet potato soup recipe to make a judgement.

aprilflowers96 − I don't like curry either but if I had an Indian boyfriend with an Indian family I would have sucked it up any time I needed to out of respect. NTA. She just got caught in a lie.

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theDagman − NTA Her lie came out with only a casual kitchen conversation between you and your mom about the food being served. Don't lie, and you'll never have to worry about a lie coming out.

abigaildru − NTA lying about allergies and thus making someone's family go to the lengths to make them entirely separate dishes when it's not true is an a**hole move. I understand they were trying to avoid the awkwardness of her having to admit to just not liking Indian food, and perhaps you could've picked up on that but it's not your fault that you didn't.

They could've notified you if they wanted you to back her story. My gf is an extremely picky eater and when we go to family dinners we typically get her something to eat before or after and she just apologizes and tells them she's a picky eater if they ask about it. No need for lies.

comatose_donut − NTA - she fucked around and found out. Lmao. People who do this do this to themselves

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Redditors cheered the exposure of Jessica’s fib but debated the fallout’s fairness. Their spicy takes fuel the debate, but do they capture the full flavor of family and culture? This allergy drama has everyone dishing on honesty and respect.

This tale of a soupy slip-up shows how a small lie can boil over into big drama. The sibling’s casual comment exposed Jessica’s allergy ruse, scorching her first impression with the family. Cultural respect and honesty are the main course here, and tact is the seasoning. Have you ever stumbled into a family conflict over a hidden truth? Share your stories—what would you do in this sibling’s shoes?

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