AITA for not wanting to be a chef?

In a sunlit apartment where the scent of fresh herbs lingers, one Redditor stands firm against the call of the kitchen. Their boyfriend, ever the enthusiastic home cook, dreams of bonding over sizzling pans, but the OP finds cooking as appealing as a soggy sandwich. To them, it’s a tedious task that sparks no joy, only frustration. Their resistance, marked by “accidental” kitchen blunders, sets the stage for a domestic drama that’s equal parts relatable and revealing.

This culinary standoff unfolds with a mix of humor and tension, as the OP’s antics—like swapping ingredients or oversalting dishes—turn cooking lessons into chaos. The clash highlights a deeper struggle over shared responsibilities in a relationship. As the couple navigates this simmering conflict, the Reddit community dives in with fiery opinions, offering a glimpse into how small chores can stir big emotions.

‘AITA for not wanting to be a chef?’

I am not great with cooking and never have been or want to. I didn't do any cooking as a child and never learnt to do it growing up. I moved in to live with my boyfriend last summer and he mostly does the cooking apart from when we eat out etc. etc.

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He has since we moved in together been trying to get me to do more cooking and tried to teach me and I have no interest in learning it and cooking isn't pleasant as an experience to me. He isn't a good teacher and he doesn't make it fun so I don't see why he keeps wanting to do it again and again. It doesn't seem exciting to me just a time waster.

I have spoken to my boyfriend and said that the experience of cooking isn't a pleasant one and I would rather just not be good at cooking but he doesn't think it's possible and will not give up no matter what I say. I have no choice but to be an a**hole but does it make me an a**hole if he forces me to choose the a**hole route by not listening?

I have had no choice but to be deliberatly frustrating to teach to try and make it less interesting to him and whenever he asks me to buy ingredients to teach I forget them or get slightly wrong like instead of mushrooms I get brown mushrooms etc.

Etc. I have also added lots of extra salt to food and overflew pans of water and added mayonnaise to different things. This is very frustrating to my boyfriend because he can't teach the recipes he wants to and he might lose interest. I think maybe this makes me an a**hole but is it still the a**hole if I tried not being and it shortens the issue?

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This kitchen clash reveals a classic relationship struggle: balancing individual preferences with shared duties. The OP’s passive-aggressive sabotage—like oversalting dishes or “forgetting” ingredients—dodges responsibility, while their boyfriend’s persistence may feel overbearing. A recent study found that most couples argue over chores, with cooking a common flashpoint.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Small, consistent efforts in sharing tasks build trust.” The OP’s tactics undermine this, signaling a communication gap. Honest dialogue, like proposing alternative chores or occasional takeout, could restore balance. Couples counseling or a chore chart might help, fostering teamwork without culinary coercion.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community served up blunt feedback, calling the OP selfish for dodging cooking, a basic life skill. They criticized the OP’s sneaky tactics—like oversalting or buying wrong ingredients—as unfair, leaving their boyfriend to handle all kitchen duties. The consensus? Dodging responsibility with petty moves strains the relationship and shirks adult accountability.

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Many sympathized with the boyfriend, seeing his teaching efforts as a push for partnership, not culinary mastery. The OP’s behavior struck them as immature, hinting at deeper communication issues. Redditors agree: shared effort matters, and weaponized incompetence only brews trouble in relationships.

piezombi3 − YTA. Holy s**t do you expect your boyfriend to cook for you the rest of your life? This isn't about him 'wanting to teach', it's him trying to get you to learn a **basic survival skill** that he doesn't want to shoulder 100%. It doesn't matter if you aren't 'good' at cooking.

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Pick up a handful of recipes, do them, take some f**king criticism, then improve them. Then just make those recipes every time it's your turn to cook.. Im not good at cooking either, but I do it so my wife isn't the only one cooking.. Christ you're dense.

Padloq − YTA for using weaponized incompetence to get out of cooking or even learning to cook

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elbwil − YTA - It just sounds a little unfair that you're leaving all the cooking to your boyfriend just because you find cooking boring and a bad experience. Purposefully going out of your way to not learn how to cook and mess things up is a real a**hole move.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Cooking is a basic human skill and you’re giving the partner the run around by being slyly difficult.

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No-Recognition3929 − YTA, my fiance says that everyone should know how to make at least one breakfast meal, one lunch meal, one dinner meal, and one dessert and I certainly think that is true. You need to be able to feed yourself, you are an adult.

crazyfrog89 − Absolutely 100% YTA. You sound like my ex. S**t at cooking so expected me to cook every meal. Tried to teach her but she would sabotage it as well. You are not being fair to him by shouldering part of adult responsibility. I feel sorry for him.

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Edit to add. Just because you hate cooking doesn't mean you shouldn't know how to do it. Learn the basics so you can help your partner. I'm genuinely stunned by this and more than a little irritated. How did you function without him?

Olivia-Clara − YTA. A dishonest title. He doesn't want you to be a chef. And you know that. You sound like a male not wanting to learn how to sew his own buttons.... Reasons why he might want you to be able to cook:.

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* For your HEALTH to you both. * For you to be INDEPENDENT. * For him to REST and not be your personal chef. Really he is doing this for you both and tries to make it as fun as possible for you by teaching you 'recipes'

Artistic_Snow7849 − Yta for being so passive aggressive. Just tell him you would rather break up than learn how to cook. Whatever happens, happens. Do you really want to stay in this kind of relationship where he keeps forcing you to do things you don't want to do and you keep sabotaging things?

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Independent-Ninja-65 − I may get downvoted for this but I think YTA, you think he might be sick of cooking for you all the time and may want a break? Or that it might be nice to have someone make something for you/take the pressure off from constantly cooking.

I get it's frustrating that he won't drop it but the way you're going about it just seems petty and childish. If you really don't want to cook just sit him down and clearly and thoroughly communicate it because it just seems like you've said 'I don't particularly enjoy it' but what you need to say is 'I do not want to cook,

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I do not want to learn to cook and you constantly forcing me to do this is really bothering me'. Also as an adult you need to be able to cook some basic food at the moment you come across like a child, he's not asking you to be a chef just to cook something at some point.

Mae-gobaith − YTA and you know it.. you're using your bf and then being deliberately infuriating when he tried to teach you basics to take care of yourself... You're a complete an utter AH What would happen if bf got into some form of accident or some kind of long term medical issue came up...

Would you be feeding yourself and him only food you can order in... One, I hope you have an income that can support that.. two, your health and waist taking a hit like that might compromise you being able to provide other basic help he might need... I think you're the kind of person who would leave for

no other reason than he is unable to care for himself right now and that makes you a huge AH especially because you expect him to baby you and cook all of your meals.. no one loves cooking that much that that is something they would want to do... Get over yourself and stop being so selfish and entitled

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This tale of kitchen rebellion serves up a spicy reminder that relationships thrive on compromise and teamwork. The OP’s culinary defiance might feel like a stand for freedom, but their sneaky tactics risk spoiling more than just dinner. Balancing household duties requires honest conversation, not sabotage. Have you ever clashed with a partner over chores? Share your stories and solutions below—how do you keep the peace in your shared space?

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