AITA for telling my parents they need to learn to live without me?

Family dynamics in large households can be both a blessing and a burden—especially when responsibilities extend far beyond what a teenager should have to manage. In this heartfelt account, a 17-year-old, the oldest of 10 siblings, has long been treated as a third parent rather than just a child.

From early mornings making beds to constant caretaking of younger siblings, he’s shouldered the weight of a household that’s always hungry for extra help. His life has been defined by meeting the needs of his family, often at the expense of his own childhood.

Now, with the reality of turning 18 and the prospect of moving out looming large, he reached his limit. When his parents expressed anxiety over losing his support, he boldly told them they needed to learn to live without him. His declaration wasn’t made in anger alone—it was the cry of someone who’s given too much for too long and is ready to reclaim his own life.

‘AITA for telling my parents they need to learn to live without me?’

Family therapist Dr. Emily Harding explains that when children are forced into adult roles, it can fundamentally alter their emotional development. She notes, “Taking on responsibilities meant for adults can lead to deep-seated feelings of resentment and burnout.” In this case, the eldest sibling has been burdened with tasks ranging from managing daily chores to making critical decisions for his younger siblings.

This early assumption of adult duties often leaves children feeling undervalued and stripped of their own identity. Dr. Harding believes that the long-term impact of such expectations can include difficulty establishing personal boundaries later in life.

Moreover, Dr. Harding emphasizes that every family member deserves to have their own space and time to grow. “When one child is consistently relied upon to keep the household running, it sends a message that their personal needs are secondary,” she says.

For this 17-year-old, the constant demands have overshadowed the joys of adolescence. His feeling of being exploited—as if he were an unpaid caregiver rather than a son—has reached a critical tipping point. His declaration that his parents need to learn to live without him represents a desperate need to reclaim a lost sense of self and independence.

Additionally, experts highlight the importance of equitable distribution of responsibilities in fostering healthy family dynamics. Dr. Harding suggests that parents should actively work to balance household duties so that no one child is overburdened.

“It’s essential for families to recognize that every member’s well-being matters, and that includes allowing space for personal growth and development,” she explains. This situation underscores a broader issue in family systems where high expectations can sometimes lead to long-term emotional scars if left unaddressed.

Finally, while it’s understandable for parents to feel anxious at the thought of losing a key support figure, Dr. Harding stresses that healthy boundaries benefit everyone involved. “Encouraging a child to grow into their own role in the family is an act of love,” she concludes. In this instance, the young man’s decision is not an act of abandonment but a necessary step toward establishing a healthier, more balanced future for himself—and ultimately, for the family as a whole.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community has expressed a range of opinions on this emotional dilemma. Many users empathized with the young man’s need to step back, noting that no one should be forced to sacrifice their childhood for family obligations.

Some argued that his parents should have gradually distributed responsibilities more fairly instead of relying solely on him. Others felt torn, acknowledging the difficulty of managing a large family while maintaining individual well-being. Overall, the sentiment reflected a call for more balanced expectations and open communication among family members.

This story raises crucial questions about the balance between family duty and personal growth. Is it fair to expect a teenager to function as an additional parent in a large family? How can families restructure responsibilities to ensure every member’s well-being? We invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—what strategies might help prevent one person from feeling overburdened, and how can families better support each other as they evolve?