AITA for how I reacted after my stepfather demanded I change my wedding?

A bride-to-be’s dream of a Christmas-themed wedding turned into a family showdown when her stepfather demanded a date change, citing religious objections. Tempers flared, ultimatums were thrown, and now apologies are on the table—but who’s really in the wrong?

This Reddit tale unwraps the tension between personal joy and imposed beliefs. Was her reaction a justified stand, or did it frost a family bond? Let’s deck the halls with this festive feud.

‘AITA for how I reacted after my stepfather demanded I change my wedding?’

My (23F) stepfather Rick (52M) has been married to my mother for 8 years. I'm getting married to the love of my life (23M) in a few months. My wedding will be Christmas themed, as it is my favorite holiday and I've always wanted to get married around Christmas.

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My stepfather, however, never liked this idea. He believes it's stupid to 'Make the lord's birthday all about yourself.' Yesterday I went to my mother's house for her birthday, which was lovely, by the way. After dinner my stepfather pulled me aside and brought up the wedding.

He demanded I change my wedding day, as it was 'too close to Christmas' even though that's kind of the point? It's not even on Christmas, it's a few days after. I said that no, I would not change my wedding for him. He said that it was selfish to make the holidays all about me, and Christmas was the day to celebrate Christ, not me.

We got into an argument, to the point where he started screaming at me, saying I was an AH and unreasonable. I yelled at him, telling him if he didn't like it then he wouldn't come. I stormed out of the house with my fiance, and my mother called me earlier,

saying that I don't have to change the day, but please let my stepfather come. My stepfather called me an AH and asked how I could do this to him, and now he wants an apology. I'm starting to think I should apologize, AITA though?

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Weddings are deeply personal, yet family expectations can cast a shadow. The stepfather’s demand to change the date—rooted in his religious views—oversteps into controlling territory, especially since the wedding isn’t on Christmas Day. The bride’s reaction, though heated, reflects her need to protect her vision.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a family therapist, notes, “Imposing beliefs on someone’s milestone event creates resentment—support, not control, fosters harmony.” A 2023 WeddingWire survey found 52% of couples face family pressure over wedding details, with dates being a top conflict. The stepfather’s focus on “selfishness” ironically centers his own feelings, not the couple’s.

This highlights broader boundary issues. Dr. Heitler advises, “Set clear limits early—invitations aren’t mandates.” The bride’s stance was fair, but a calmer delivery might have eased tension.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s wedding planners chimed in with fiery support. Here’s what they had to say:

Sk111W - NTA 'It's selfish not to plan your wedding entirely around my religious beliefs'

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FitOrFat-1999 - 'My stepfather called me an AH and asked how I could do this to him'. Do what to him? You didn't disinvite him, you said if he didn't like it he didn't have to come. The only way I would let him come is if he shuts the F up about the date, now and forever, but since he seems to take this personally that's not likely.. And since your choice of wedding date is your business and not his, absolutely NTA.

Emotional_Fan_7011 - NTA. Don't apologize. Don't change anything. I would uninvite him. He sounds like he is going to start trouble. Honestly, I would start trouble back and tell him Jesus was born in June or July, not December.

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The only reason Christmas is in December was so the Christians could convince the pagans to convert. Then, yell at him that trees are pagan and have nothing to do with Christ's birthday. But, I'm a sarcastic a**hole like that.

[Reddit User] - NTA.. I'm someone may have already said, but Jesus probably wasn't born anywhere near December anyway. *According to the Gospel of Luke, shepherds were watching their flocks at night at the time Jesus was born.

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This detail the only clue in the Gospels about the timing of the birth - suggests that Jesus's birthday was not in the winter, as shepherds would have been watching their flocks only during the lambing season in the spring.*

CoffeeSippingCat - NTA. Tell him “Thank you for your input but you’ve had your wedding and this is ours”. He sounds like he shouldn’t need reminding that Christ’s first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding feast, so it’s doubtful He would mind. Funny that while accusing you of making Christ’s birthday about you, he’s making your wedding about him..

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So very sorry you’re having to deal with such nonsense at what’s meant to be a happy time. In case he’s not reasonable though, you’ll find warnings on this sub about giving your wedding suppliers a password. That way, if someone calls to cancel or to make changes, they know if it’s you or not. Most likely you don’t need to take that sort of step, but can’t hurt.

[Reddit User] - Don’t change anything.. Tell your mom you only want people that love and support you at your wedding and he doesn’t qualify. I doubt very seriously this has anything to do with the date. There’s more to this. Whether it’s about control or he has something else going on, it’ll become clear later.. Don’t invite him or he will spread his “joy” at the wedding.

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Rstar2247 - NTA. This guy thinks he has the right to dictate the terms of your wedding. Yeah, completely the a**hole.

kreeghor - NTA. Do not negotiate with Terrorists. He needs to apologize to you and you should take it one step further.. Tell your mother if he contacts you again she won't be able to come to the wedding.

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lkvwfurry - NTA and tell him if he feels that way he is welcome to skip it. Also he should refuse any Xmas gifts going forward because it should be about Jesus not himself.

_BigJuicy - NTA. No matter anyone's opinions on taste and style, your wedding can be whenever you want it. Your stepfather doesn't get to impose his religious beliefs and practices onto you, nor does he get to demand you change the date because of his sensitive feelings.

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From debunking Christmas myths to urging a firm stance, these takes add spice to the debate. Do they settle the score, or is there more to this holiday clash?

This wedding date drama shows how personal beliefs can clash with personal milestones. The bride’s refusal to budge was her right, but her stepfather’s demands turned a joyful plan into a battleground. Should she apologize to keep the peace, or hold her ground? How would you navigate a family member’s pushy wedding input? Share your thoughts below!

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