AITA for telling my wife it’s her fault that our sons now hate and ignore their sister?

A family kitchen, once filled with laughter, now echoes with silence as a rift tears through a home. A screaming match over stolen AirPods between a 14-year-old boy and his 12-year-old sister spiraled when their mother, 39, sided with her daughter, allegedly declaring her “more important.” The boys, feeling betrayed, have since frozen out their sister and mom, leaving rooms when they enter. The father, 44, laid the blame at his wife’s feet, telling her to “suck it up” as she sobbed, but his words only deepened the wound.

This isn’t just a sibling squabble—it’s a heartbreaking clash of favoritism, trust, and parental missteps. The boys’ icy withdrawal and the mother’s tears paint a home in crisis, while the father’s bluntness stirs debate. Reddit’s calling foul on both parents, but who’s really at fault? Let’s peel back the layers of this family meltdown and find out.

‘AITA for telling my wife it’s her fault that our sons now hate and ignore their sister?’

The Reddit post unveils a father’s frustration and a family’s unraveling after a fight exposed deep-seated favoritism. Here’s the raw story straight from the original poster’s perspective.

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My wife (39f) and I (44m) have three children. Two boys (15,14) and a girl (12). While my wife is a great mom to all of our kids, she always had a special bond with our daughter. I wouldn’t frame it as classic favoritism but as a little bit more attention and love. The boys were always aware of this and teased their mom with it jokingly but it was never a problem because she really is a great mom to them too.

A few weeks ago my 14 year old (let’s call him Jim) and our daughter (let’s call her Anna) had a big fight and a screaming match. It turned out that Anna took Jim’s AirPods to her dance class, forgot them there and tried to lie about it. My wife intervened and apparently took Anna’s side. I wasn’t there so I don’t know. My older son Alex intervened on behalf of his brother and told his mom that she is unfair.

My wife doubled down and told them to f*ck off (again no idea) and that Anna is more important (my boys swear that she said that Anna is more important then them while she swears that she said that Anna is more important than a pair of AirPods). Alex exploded and called his mom a c*** ,took his brother and left. My wife called them for hours but they didn’t answer. In the end she called me and I picked the boys up.

The relationship between our boys and their sister has been dead after this. They don’t talk to her, ignore her when she approaches them and won’t tolerate her presence. When she enters a room, they leave (kitchen for example). It is heartbreaking to watch. My wife tried to mend things and talk to them but she gets aggressively ignored too.

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Yesterday my wife had a breakdown and started to cry after we went to bed and said that home life has been hell for the last weeks. I had little sympathy and told her to suck it up because it’s her fault. She called me an AH and cried even more. AITA? I know I am technically in the right here but my wife is already devastated and remorseful. It is my job now to help her the relationship between girls and boys in our home.

Edit: Anna had to buy her brother a new pair of AirPods. We gave her the money that was supposed to be for her birthday. she will get nothing for her birthday in april. Edit 2: my wife will go to therapy with the boys ASAP. The boys agreed to this. My daughter and I will join if the therapist wants it.

A stolen AirPod sparked a family fire, but favoritism fanned the flames. The mother’s defense of Anna, allegedly prioritizing her over her brothers, confirmed the boys’ fears of unequal love, as mfruitfly notes. Her reported “f*ck off” and harsh words, even if misheard, shattered trust, while Anna’s light punishment—AirPods funded by her birthday money, per the edit—felt like a slap on the wrist, as Sparky1498 critiques. The father’s “suck it up” jab, though honest, was a cold blow to a remorseful wife, landing both parents in Reddit’s ESH crosshairs for failing to act sooner.

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This reflects broader family dynamics issues. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 62% of siblings perceive parental favoritism, often leading to lasting resentment. The boys’ extreme reaction—shunning Anna—signals deep hurt, not just anger.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman says, “Fairness in parenting builds trust; favoritism fractures it”. His insight pins the mother’s bias as the spark, but the father’s passivity, as lipgloss_addict slams, let it fester. The planned therapy, per Edit 2, is a smart start.

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The parents must model accountability: the mother should apologize for her words and bias, and the father should engage actively, not just blame. Anna needs a real consequence, like chores to repay the AirPods.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s diving into this family drama with takes as sharp as a chef’s knife. Here’s a sizzling batch of their thoughts, served with a side of tough love.

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mfruitfly - NTA but you need to follow up that hard truth with action. At the end of the day, what your sons heard was that your wife cares more about Anna than them, affirming what they already felt. And she did absolutely defend Anna when she was lying, Anna wasn't punished for losing an expensive item she STOLE from her brother, and your wife hasn't apologized for being wrong about that, or for what she said.

So, if your wife wants to make this right, she can't just cry, she needs to do something, and so do you. First, if the airpods story is true (aka Anna took them and lost them), then she needs to apologize, the airpods need to be replaced, and Anna needs to be punished. If your wife won't do that, then you need to.

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Your sons also want to see you stick up for them, not sit by and watch this unfold, and you are a parent to Anna to, so you can make this happen. Then your wife needs to fully apologize for taking Anna's side, and if she truly believes she didn't say the things BOTH your sons heard, she needs to explain herself without yelling, and still apologize for how it came across.

And then- still not done- your wife needs to address why she would jump to Anna's side and not give what her son's said equal weight. In a standoff of children where the truth can't be determined (if that's even the case here), then a parent shouldn't take a side. We all know why she took Anna's side, and what was once mild favoritism has now created an environment where your sons feel UNSAFE.

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They know their mother will not defend them, will not listen to them, will not care for them, if Anna stands in the way of those things. Your wife can only fix that- and you need to be active in it too- by changing the way she acts, being patient, and demonstrating changed behavior over time.

Connect_Guide_7546 - Classic favoritism is classic favoritism. She should be called out on it. At some point the damage becomes irreparable. The boys now have each other. Your mother has not been a mother to them or the mother they needed. Your wife wanted a best friend, playmate, and someone to fulfill her emotional needs.

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She got your daughter. NTA for calling her out but also YTA for letting it go this long. You knew this was happening. It's great you're on the boys side NOW but where was this years ago when they started noticing it and you knew they knew noticed it?

LeamhAish - 'I wouldn’t frame it as classic favoritism but as a little bit more attention and love.' That made me so sad to read. You're on your sons' side, but you're not on it enough if you don't see that as 'classic favoritism.'. NTA, I guess.

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Lazuli_Rose - I wasn’t there so I don’t know.. (again no idea). They don’t talk to her, ignore her when she approaches them and won’t tolerate her presence. When she enters a room, they leave (kitchen for example). It is heartbreaking to watch. So this is how you deal with a big family problem? You weren't there so you don't do anything.

Your wife needs to apologize, Anna needs to be punished and your boys need to work on forgiving. YOU need to work becoming an involved parent instead of just sitting idly by and taking the stance that since you weren't there you can't do anything.. ESH.

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Stormschance - NTA for telling your wife what you did but may be for other reasons.. Anna needs to own up for her actions and apologize and be clearly punished.. Your wife needs to acknowledge clearly her unfairness and apologise for it..

If the boys are unwilling to listen directly a written letter or a video is an option. I’ve a feeling this was a final straw for the boys. They know what punishment they’d get if they lost their iPods, but Anna stole, lost the iPods and lied and got defended.

Sparky1498 - So what was the punishment again? Daughter had to buy new AirPods for which you gave the funds for in lieu of her birthday 2 months away? How is that a punishment?

Likelihood is come April mum will buy a ‘small’ present anyway- daughter at best felt mildly pissed in the moment but there are no immediate consequences such as a grounding / removal of something she cares about or realistically- replacing the AirPods and making her pay back over time (whether that be extra chores or selling something she cares about)

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I get she is 12 and tbh fronting up the AirPods and saying in 2 months she doesn’t get a present is not an immediate response - it just delays and negates the punishment. Obviously you have bigger fish to fry in your family dynamics but honestly- I don’t see your sons feeling any differently anytime soon as they are still seeing this as no real consequence for their sister. YTA.

7hr0wn - So there are five children and zero parents in this family.. ESH, though the people who are 39 and 44 should know better.. My wife doubled down and told them to f*ck off. This is not parenting.. I had little sympathy and told her to suck it up because it’s her fault. This is not a helpful contribution. If you and your wife didn't want to be parents, then the time to have that conversation was 15 years ago.

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[Reddit User] - You wrote this like a completely passive bystander but you're in this mess too. ESH, both you and your wife. You should be involved in fixing this dynamic, you've been aware of this and still let it get out of control even if you didn't directly cause it.

lipgloss_addict - You are 100% the a**hole. You knew the kids weren't treated equally and you still downplay it.. You clearly don't believe your sons, and bases on you4 answers here your reasoning is likely, 'I wasn't there'.

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So you let things go until ita family fracture time.  What is your problem? Why didn't you intervene before? Why are you so hands off now? Your family blew up and your reaction is appalling.  You should be encouraging therapy.  Or accept your sons will go NC with you as soon as they can.

FirmSugar669 - There is no way your wife doesn’t buy Anna a bday gift.

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These Reddit cuts are raw, but do they slice to the core? Are they right to roast both parents, or is someone getting a pass?

This family’s AirPod fight exploded into a saga of broken bonds and parental regrets. The mother’s favoritism, real or perceived, and the father’s hands-off approach have left their sons and daughter worlds apart, with Reddit pointing fingers at both. As therapy looms, one question echoes: can this family stitch their love back together, or is the rift too deep? Readers, what would you do if favoritism tore your home apart? Drop your stories and verdicts below—this tale’s still unraveling!

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