AITA for making a joke about a guy being a virgin at a cosplay meetup?

Amid the vibrant chaos of a cosplay meetup, where colorful costumes and camera flashes filled the air, a boyfriend’s attempt to shield his girlfriend from a persistent admirer went awry. His sharp-tongued joke, targeting a “creepy” cosplayer’s presumed virginity, aimed to deflect but instead landed like a poorly aimed arrow, leaving his girlfriend red-faced and the crowd awkward. What started as a protective gesture turned into a social fumble, stirring tension in a world of fantasy and fun.

This Reddit tale dives into the messy intersection of loyalty, humor, and respect. The boyfriend’s quip, meant to ward off an uncomfortable encounter, instead sparked a rift with his girlfriend, who found his words crass and embarrassing. With egos bruised and boundaries tested, this story invites readers into a lively drama where good intentions collide with bad judgment.

‘AITA for making a joke about a guy being a virgin at a cosplay meetup?’

My (M21) girlfriend (F22) is a cosplayer and takes pictures for her social media and twitch. My girlfriend is active in the cosplaying community and goes to these gatherings where different people cosplaying video game characters and anime characters come to meet up and take pictures and stuff.

My girlfriend went to this smaller scale meetup of around 30 cosplayers and I went with her to help her take pictures and also just hang out with her. We went and there was this creepy, weird guy following my girlfriend around and asking her questions and talking about his cosplay and stuff.

He was cosplaying some kind of pirate, but I don’t know what it was because I don’t watch anime or play a lot of video games. My girlfriend was clearly uncomfortable with this guy so I told him we are going to take pictures so please leave.

He took offense to this and started asking me where my cosplay is and said I don’t understand anything and told me I probably don’t even know who he’s cosplaying as. He had a face full of pimples and also looked like the stereotypical anime gamer nerd so I asked him if he was cosplaying captain red beard of the Virgin Islands.

My girlfriend immediately said “babe” and said I was being rude and forced me to apologize. We got home and my girlfriend says she is embarrassed by my behavior and called me an a**hole. Aita?

Defending a partner can feel like stepping into a hero’s role, but this boyfriend’s sharp jab at a cosplayer’s presumed virginity turned a tense moment into a social misstep. The cosplayer’s behavior—following and pestering the girlfriend—was inappropriate, but the boyfriend’s personal insult, mocking virginity and appearance, escalated the situation unnecessarily. His girlfriend’s embarrassment highlights how good intentions can misfire when humor crosses into cruelty.

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Cosplay communities thrive on creativity and inclusion, but they’re not immune to social friction. The boyfriend’s choice to stereotype the cosplayer as a “nerdy virgin” tapped into outdated tropes, alienating his girlfriend and likely fueling the cosplayer’s defensiveness. Instead of addressing the behavior directly, the insult shifted focus to personal traits, undermining the girlfriend’s comfort and agency in her own space.

Dr. Jesse Fox, a communication expert specializing in online communities, notes, “Humor that targets personal traits, like virginity or appearance, often backfires in social settings, as it alienates rather than resolves.” The boyfriend’s quip, while protective, ignored his girlfriend’s lead and embarrassed her in her community. A direct call-out of the cosplayer’s actions—such as, “You’re making her uncomfortable, please stop”—would have kept the focus on the issue.

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To move forward, the boyfriend should apologize sincerely and discuss with his girlfriend how to handle similar situations, respecting her preferences. This incident underscores the need for empathy in hobby spaces, where respect for boundaries trumps quick-witted jabs. It’s a reminder to act as a partner, not a provocateur, when tensions rise.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users were quick to weigh in, with most calling out both the boyfriend and the cosplayer for their behavior. They criticized the cosplayer’s creepy persistence but slammed the boyfriend’s virgin joke as immature and irrelevant, arguing it embarrassed his girlfriend more than it helped. Some felt he should have followed her lead or addressed the cosplayer’s actions directly.

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The community agreed that while protecting a partner is noble, personal insults are a cheap shot. The split opinions highlight the fine line between standing up for someone and stealing their spotlight with unnecessary drama.

lellyla - ESH except the gf. Gf is going around doing her hobby, and has a creepy guy and a possessive bf following her around getting in her way.

ArcaneArcher89 - ESH, everyone but your GF. All you had to say was “doesn’t matter, please leave us alone”. Honestly, I’d like to say more, but my personal feelings would probably get in the way, since your post gives off strong “jock bully” vibes. Also, making fun of someone’s virginity or lack there of is an automatic AH move.

rjhancock - YTA. Go after the behavior, not the individual. And frankly, if you’re going to be helping your GF out with her passion, might want to learn about it and take interest in it.. You embarrassed her in her element.

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pnutbuttercups56 - ESH except your GF. The guy is being a creep. You had the opportunity to address his bad behavior but instead you called him a virgin. Being a creep has nothing to do with whether you've had S** or not.

instead of fueling toxicity and definitely playing into the creep's complex you could have told him off for ignoring what your GF was saying. Told him off for not respecting boundaries. But you didn't.

Quirky_Conference_91 - Watching out for your GF is not AH behavior, but thinking it's ok to insult people based on their appearance is. Low blow and low life behavior. I would have been embarrassed AF of you, too. Next time try asking her if she needs any help before you go 0-100.. YTA.

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[Reddit User] - YTA. Why didn’t you *ask* your girlfriend if she wanted your help handling the creep before you decided to step in?

RelativeAssistant923 - ESH Him moreso, and for obvious reasons. You for bodyshaming him here about acne, and making a joke about his s** life, and most importantly, not following your girlfriend's lead. To the first point, his pimples have nothing to do with his behavior.

Assuming he is the a**hole creep you described, you just fueled what's probably his excuse for his behavior. Next time he's thinking 'oh, so it's only creepy if someone unattractive does it', he's going to be thinking about you and how you clearly think less of him because of how he looks.

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To the latter point, she's the one he was being an a**hole to, right? She's the one who has to deal with this s**t all the time, you don't. Have you asked her how she wants you to handle it next time you're in that situation? If not, you're extra an a**hole: go apologize for making it about you, ask her what she wants you to do if something like that happens again, and do that next time.

frankdiddit - NTA as a girl that has been pestered by guys, catcalled and followed on streets- this is the type of sh*t that sometimes needs to be said when people don’t stop at NO. You told him he needed to leave and he didn’t listen. Some people don’t stop until they are publicly humiliated.

I do want to write I understand why your gf is embarrassed. She probably wanted to have a good time with that group. Edit: I would like to add, next time don’t do this. She doesn’t want you to do things like that so don’t. Find a nicer way to say it for her.

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[Reddit User] - YTA, there are better ways of handling the situation than making those comments. I too would have been unhappy with the pirates behaviour, but reducing hi. down to a stereotype shows your immaturity.

You could have called out his behaviour and said he’s being creepy for following your GF around, it is making her uncomfortable so leave her alone etc; all which directly talk about his behaviour. But making personal comments, and stereotyping on top of that, isn’t ok.

sunfloweries - YTA. there were so many ways for you to handle this maturely. instead, you opted to pick on his appearance. and apparently you think being a virgin is something to be ashamed about. how 90s teen movie of you.

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This cosplay clash shows how a well-meaning defense can unravel into a public blunder. The boyfriend’s apology, prompted by his girlfriend’s dismay, was a step toward mending things, but it’s clear that respect and tact matter in tight-knit communities. How would you handle a creepy encounter without crossing the line? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this colorful debate going!

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