AITA for telling my BFs sister (infront of the entire family) that I dont care about her opinion?

A family birthday party turns tense when a woman, fed up with her boyfriend’s sister’s relentless criticism of her parenting, publicly declares she doesn’t care about her opinion. In front of everyone, the sister mocks the woman’s shy 3-year-old daughter for clinging to her, prompting an angry retort from the mother.

This isn’t just a single remark—it’s a clash over boundaries and respect within a family. The boyfriend supports her, but some guests deem her disrespectful. Reddit largely backs her, condemning the sister’s interference. As the party atmosphere fades, the story unveils the challenges of protecting a child from unsolicited advice.

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‘AITA for telling my BFs sister (infront of the entire family) that I dont care about her opinion?’

She is 43 and I'm 29f. I have been with my BF for 2 1/2 years. I have a 3, almost 4, year old daughter from a previous relationship. I only just met my BFs sister this past year because my BF and I both lived out of state. Now within the first week of moving back to the states is when I met her. My daughter obviously came with me and she is not a fan of strangers, at all.

She clung to me the entire time and refused to be put down. This is the first encounter with this woman and it really set me off.. her one and only reaction to seeing my child in obvious discomfort around strangers was to tell me I needed to put my kid down and let her scream because she needed to learn she wasnt going to get her own way.

My BF, who is a god send, took my daughter upon hearing this and brought her outdoors to play and basically told his sister that it was none of her business. For awhile she toned it down, though the comments did come often. They were more passive aggressive comments that weren't spoken to me.

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Such as 'Everyone babies their kids today' or 'When I was growing up I was lucky to get any attention if I acted the way some of these kids act'. Because of these comments, we do not go over there often and I'm far from close with her. Fast forward to last weekend. She had a small birthday party for her neice.

She tends to go all out during these events because she has no kids of her own and cannot have them. She invited over 20 people and we didnt know any of them, including my boyfriend; who collectively knew like 6 people. My daughter was super o**rwhelmed and again, wouldnt let me set her down.

My bfs sister took this as a moment to call me out infront of everyone while having a conversation with her SIL (my bfs brothers wife) who is pregnant with her first child. She said 'See, you need to nip that in the bud early on or you will have a cling on and end up going to college with them.' A lot of people laughed. My face was beat f**king red.

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I was embarrassed, o**rwhelmed and irate. My BF immeduately jumped to my defense and his sister put her hands up and said 'I'm just saying'. This is when I responded with 'And we dont give a damn about your opinion on how I should and shouldnt raise my daughter.' We then took leave.

My BF is now getting messages from people that were there (who have never heard how terrible his sister can be to me and my daughter) stating that I acted disrespectful and that I need to pull the stick out of my ass. That since I am now apart of this family that I need to start taking people's opinions and applying them and that me calling her out in front of everyone was a d**k move.

They also tried saying that the sister started crying infront of everyone after we left and said 'I feel so hurt and disrespected that I need to go have a moment by myself' and apparently went upstairs to her room for 20+ minutes.. AITA?

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The OP’s public dismissal of her boyfriend’s sister’s opinion was a defense of her daughter and an assertion of boundaries after repeated unsolicited criticism. The sister, childless, persistently offered unwanted advice, particularly mocking the 3-year-old’s shy behavior in a crowded setting, showing a lack of empathy and overstepping her role.

About 60% of parents report feeling judged for their parenting choices, often by relatives without child-rearing experience. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Unsolicited advice, especially when public, can undermine a parent’s confidence.” The sister’s public criticism escalated the conflict unnecessarily.

The OP could have responded privately to avoid publicly shaming the sister, but the persistent provocation and hurtful comments make her reaction understandable. The boyfriend’s support reinforces her stance, though family reactions suggest a need for clearer boundary-setting in the future.

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To move forward, the OP should discuss with her boyfriend how to handle future comments, possibly addressing the sister privately to explain the impact of her words. The sister owes an apology and should refrain from inappropriate opinions. Family counseling could help establish mutual respect, especially as the OP integrates into the boyfriend’s family.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit overwhelmingly supports the OP as NTA, arguing that the boyfriend’s sister was rude to publicly criticize the OP’s parenting, especially targeting a 3-year-old’s natural shyness. Users emphasize that the sister, having no children, lacks the authority to judge and should have offered advice privately, if at all, rather than shaming the OP in front of others.

They praise the boyfriend for defending the OP and her daughter, while criticizing the family’s response, stating the sister brought the consequences on herself by initiating the conflict. Reddit views the sister’s crying and departure as emotional manipulation, affirming the OP’s right to protect her child and set clear boundaries.

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FuntimeChris79 − NTA. I think it's funny that your 4 year old isn't permitted to get o**rwhelmed in front of people but she is lmao!

[Reddit User] − NTA. I got way more upset at people for a lot less when my 12 year old was a toddler. First off, it's not her business. Second, if she wants to give some parenting advice, it should be done in private and not publicly as a way to embarrass someone. Third, it usually helps to actually BE a parent prior to trying to give parenting advice, I'M JUST SAYING.. Your boyfriend sounds like a keeper, BTW.

MsBaseball34 − NTA - she called YOU out in front of a room of strangers. After multiple times of instructing your how to raise YOUR child. She deserved it. Anyone that calls you on this should be told the entire story.

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Robot941 − I would have said, 'When you get your own, SIL, you can do whatever you want with it.' But, again, I'm petty and vindictive. NTA. Also, he sure comment next time, 'Adults these days, crying at other people's birthday parties! Can you imagine anyone so pathetic?'

[Reddit User] − NTA. You actually responded perfectly, imho. She intended to make you look bad. That’s all there is to it. You responded without accusations, or name-caking, or anything really, except for pointing out a truth. Next time she needs a reminder, give her the reminder and when she gets “I’m disrespected!” again, just raise your hands and say “I’m just saying”.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Her behavior is wack. I'm 100% convinced she resents you for having a kid tbh.

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adragon02 − Here's a f**king hot take people can't seem to understand. If *you* were a d**k by 'disrespecting her in front of everyone' then *she* was being a d**k *first* by disrespecting you and your boyfriend about your parenting methods. She needs to back off, and get her head out of her ass. OP, you are DEFINITELY NTA. Do NOT let them bully you.

FullmetalPinetree − Fast forward to last weekend. She had a small birthday party for her neice. She tends to go all out during these events because she has no kids of her own and cannot have them. and we didnt know any of them, including my boyfriend; who collectively knew like 6 people. My daughter was super o**rwhelmed and again, wouldnt let me set her down..

Uhm, sorry?. She invited over 20 people. Immediate 'Bf's Sis is TA' .. That aside, NTA. It's your kid. You are the only one (aside the law/CPS and maybe the babydaddy) who has a say in how you treat your kid.

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owlcityy − NTA As a mom, myself and I’m sure others agree, I cannot stand unsolicited advice nor tolerate condescending comments about how I go about handling my kiddo. I don’t let my kiddo get away with everything and I know he’s well behaved, but it definitely would irk me if someone said comments like what your SIL said. Hopefully, she will learn to keep comments to herself if she wants to continue to be in your life.

AliceReadsThis − Adult sticks to a few people at a party - They're introverted, they have a core friend group, they're tired it was a long day at work. It's OK. Female Adult refuses to engage with certain Male Adults at a gathering - It's a safety issue, he must be giving off 'vibes', she has standards, she had boundaries. It's OK.

Adult Males go outside to play basketball during a party - They're bored, they're blowing off steam, it's a guy thing. It's OK. Child is shy or cautious around new people - They're brats, they need to learn to socialize, you're coddling them, they have to learn to hug everyone, you're raising them to be rude, I don't have kids but I know better than you.... Squawk not OK, Squawk not OK, Squawk not OK.

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Why do we try and force kids to do certain things that are perfectly fine for adults. I'm not talking about please and thank you, screaming rude words or things that are legal for adults and not kids just about simple practical boundaries. It's OK for an adult to say let me have a drink and wander around by myself for a few minutes to get used to the crowd I don't know anybody here

But a kid should somehow be comfortable happily and immediately greeting hugging and running to each adult whether they know them or not because the adult demands it. That is not OK.. You are absolutely NTA.

This birthday party saga is a fiery clash over family boundaries and child protection, as the OP’s sharp retort shakes the mood. Reddit backs her, condemning the sister’s meddling and calling for respect. How do you handle unsolicited family advice? What would you do when your child is publicly criticized? Share your thoughts below—let’s dissect this drama!

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