AITA for “taking vacation” and leaving my husband with every single house duty there is for 4 days?

Picture a mom juggling 12-hour work-from-home shifts, a lively 4-year-old, and a house that’s crumbling under neglected chores. For three years, she’s been the backbone of her family, but her husband’s contributions have dwindled to late-night naps on the couch. Desperate for a break, she hatches a plan: drop her son with grandma and escape to a cozy cabin for four days of peace. Sounds dreamy, right? Until her husband cries foul.

This Reddit gem dives into the chaos of modern marriage, where burnout meets miscommunication. Was her solo getaway a bold act of self-care or a selfish dodge of family duties? With a toddler, a messy house, and a fuming spouse in the mix, this story’s got all the ingredients for a relatable domestic showdown. Let’s unpack the drama!

‘AITA for “taking vacation” and leaving my husband with every single house duty there is for 4 days?’

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, recently married (15 months ago). We have a 4 year old son. For the past 3 years I have worked from home (such a god send), 12 hour shifts 4 days a week. It's a struggle, because my husband gets home from work at 1am and takes 2 to 3 hours to unwind so he doesnt get to bed until maybe 3 or 4am and sleeps basically all day until he has to leave for work.

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On his days off he spends that with me and our son, obviously, but I have noticed that as time goes on, he does less and less around the house. Before this he would make dinner on his days off, take care of ALL of sons needs and do basic cleaning so that I could have a breather.

Now he doesnt make dinner at all, falls asleep on the couch by 7 so I have son duty 24/7 and hasnt lifted a finger to clean in weeks. So on my 3 days off a week, I end up having to deep clean my entire house because I dont have time to do anything on my work days aside from the bare minimum.

2 weeks ago I asked him for some help. He happily obliged for all of 30 minutes before taking off to go help a buddy with his car and didnt do jack squat after returning home because he 'was tired'. I needed a break. I told him this. His way of comforting me was by hugging me and saying 'You're doing such a good job'.

Didn't offer to help or anything. So, I made a plan. Asked my mom to take my son for 4 days and planned a vacation for myself with work. I dropped my son off yesterday with my mom (i only did this because my husband obviously works) and took off to our cabin 58 miles away to relax.

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My husband started texting me last night asking where I was. I told him the cabin. He asked where our son was so I told him. He then started going off about how this is selfish of me and that if he had realized I wasnt merely stressed out that he would have helped out more.

Used the argument that he too is stressed out and tired. He claims my communication on the issue was terrible and that I could have been more open and laid it out. Says that I'm an AH for taking a vacation without him because he 'could have used it too'.

But the thing is, I straight out told him I needed a break. I asked him for help. He disregarded it all. But now I'm curious if I'm an AH.. ETA: Our conversations went exactly as I wrote them above. So maybe I was lacking in the communication department.

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This vacation saga lays bare the strain of unequal household labor. As marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Shared responsibility is the cornerstone of a thriving partnership” . Her husband’s minimal effort, despite her explicit pleas, signals a disconnect in their partnership.

The husband’s frustration at being left out is valid; sudden disappearances can feel like betrayal. But his failure to act on her requests—offering hugs instead of help—shifted the burden entirely onto her. The mom’s decision to arrange childcare shows foresight, not neglect. Gottman advises couples to negotiate chores explicitly, perhaps with a shared task list.

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For solutions, they could schedule regular check-ins to divide duties or set “unwind” boundaries for his late nights. Her solo break was a wake-up call, but ongoing communication is key.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit came in hot with opinions, serving up support and shade in equal measure. Here’s a roundup of the juiciest takes, tossed with a pinch of humor!

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ToTwoTooToo − NTA I'm so sick and tired of people saying OP sucks too for not communicating, but who tells her what needs to be done around the house or how to take care of a child. Does husband not have eyes? Can he not see what needs to be cleaned, tidied or cooked? Does he not know his child's needs? If he didn't before maybe his 'four day vacation' without a child to care for or a wife to clean up after him opened his eyes.

StAlvis − NTA. Asked my mom to take my son for 4 days. I was all ready to give you NTA **even assuming** you were leaving your husband to work out care for his son.. he 'could have used it too'. He has a house to himself, with no wife nor child to worry about. How is he **not also getting a vacation**?

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beckdawg19 − ESH, but man am I on your side. I absolutely see why you needed the break, and you even went above and beyond to find a babysitter. But, man, just disappearing for four days like that is not okay. I'm not saying you should have invited him with, but it's just basic communication to tell your spouse where you and his child are before vanishing for days.. So, N T A for taking the vacation, but ESH because you literally just left.

Doris_Useless − It's so telling that he wants to blame his decision not to contribute on you by saying you didn't communicate. He knows he needs to throw in equally, he knows he wasn't doing it, and he knows that you told him. He's upset at facing the consequences of his own actions and he should be apologizing to you. NTA.

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Walter-the-Wobot − ESH Your husband is taking you for granted and should be doing an equal share of the chores/childcare on his days off. However dropping your son off at your mother's and taking off for 4 days without telling him isn't the answer either.

FarTree9 − NTA. You told him you needed help, you told him you needed a break and still nothing. You took care of your child so arrangements, so good for you I say.

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TakeItEZBroski − NTA I grew up with my mom constantly doing everything and being constantly stressed about it. In my eyes, its 50-50, or nothing. I personally believe you should've done more to rile him up. Maybe leave the house a mess? Would've been pretty funny! But seriously, you asked him for weeks/months so f**k it. He can clean the house and order takeout for 4 days. He will live.

Candy4Evr − NTA. Your hubby, on the other hand...

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Purple_Moon_Flower − Hard NTA. All those people saying its a d**k move to not tell him where his kid was, its not like he was even doing the bare minimum of taking care of them.

MissMurderpants − My gal, I feel ya. My EX hubs was a 50% guy and a month before I married my current hubs we went to my cousins wedding. My uncle gave me the best advice.. Marriage is 100/100% not 50/50%. Too many people only show up and it shows.

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People are selfish and I think it’s one of the major reasons marriages fail because partners only think for them self and not as a partnership. I get hubs is tired and you are too. I hear your frustrations totally and he not only isn’t helping out he isn’t using his own eyes to see what the problems are because he *expects* you to take care of it all..

I think this is the pushback you need to talk to hubby. Hubs, I need you to listen to me for the next X amount of minutes and not interrupt. You will get your turn, I just need you to head me at this time. Over the last few years I’ve noticed a distinct lack of effort on your part when it comes to the household and child duties.

This is something I’ve talked to you about consistently and you often do acknowledge me, but minutes later you stop helping and go do whatever claiming I have it under control. This needs to stop. I’m being burned out and this is a big enough problem that I am really thinking about our marriage and our future..

I am not your mother to clean up after you. I am not your maid. I am not your chef. And most definitely I am not your nanny. I didn’t sign up for these job when we married and it all needs to stop now. Going forward things need to change. You clean as you go.

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It takes minutes to pick up your clothes or wash your dishes. I’m giving you an hour after work to unwind. I am expecting you to wake up earlier to give me a break from toddler duty before you go to work and on one of your days off you are on daddy duty.. I’d set up other boundaries you might have..

**NTA**. To all the E sh and Y ta, it’s obvious you have not dealt with a partner like this and good on you.Her getting away for alone time is AOk. Kid was being watched. Hubs was probably just miffed for whatever and instantly accused her of things.. **Never asking her if she was ok** that’s why I think he is entirely TA.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, but are they onto something or just fanning the flames?

This cabin caper shows that even the strongest marriages can buckle under unspoken expectations. The mom’s getaway was a desperate bid for relief, but her husband’s reaction reveals a deeper need for teamwork. With a toddler and two tired parents, finding balance is no small feat. Would you sneak off for a break or hash it out first? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this marriage convo cooking!

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