AITA for telling my neighbor and HOA to stuff it and leave?

In a serene lakeside retreat, where chimney smoke curls against crisp fall air, a young homeowner’s peace is disrupted. Mariette, a new neighbor, storms in with complaints about his wood stove, doubting his ownership and dragging the HOA into a baseless feud. Shared on Reddit, this clash crackles with tension.

At 25, he’s lived in his 1930s home for six years, relying on fireplaces for heat. Unbound by the HOA, he rebuffs Mariette’s environmental critiques and the HOA’s false claims, telling them to “stuff it.” It’s a fiery tale of property rights, nosy neighbors, and standing your ground.

‘AITA for telling my neighbor and HOA to stuff it and leave?’

I(25M) own a lakeside property that was legally and officially given to me by my parents. I have been living here for six years and have some great neighbors along with some not-so-great ones. Of all my neighbors I have only ever had problems with one who lives right next door named Mariette.

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She first moved in early this summer as she had the former house on her property demolished and rebuilt. My problems started with her over her the use of my wood stove and fireplaces.. ​ With the temperatures getting colder I have started to use them daily. My house is not equipped with any form of heating outside of the wood stove and a fireplace.

This means that from fall until spring I will constantly have them going to keep my place warm. My family never outfitted the home with anything better because it was for weekend trips and we would winterize and leave it when things got cold. My parents thought of adding oil heating when I moved in however I opposed it because it was a waste of money and didn’t mind splitting logs.. ​

Five days ago after having received my shipment of logs for the fall I was approached by my neighbor Mariette. She came around asking for my parents to which I said that they don’t live here and that I am the homeowner. She didn’t believe me and said that I was too young to be a homeowner before leaving.

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Later that day I heard a knock at my door and thought it was my girlfriend so I gave my usual greeting of “Hey Sweet Cheeks” while opening the door. Unfortunately, it was not her and was Mariette again so I apologized quickly and asked what she wanted. Once again she wanted to speak with my parents to which in a more stern tone said that I was the homeowner.. ​

This time she finally got it and said that I am violating HOA policy by using wood-burning fireplaces indoors and outdoors. In response, I said that as new as the house looks I am not a member of the group and that the town permits fireplaces and burning yard waste. She then went on to ask why I even needed them because they do nothing but harm the environment.

I went on to explain that while the house exterior looks new the house actually has been around since 1930 and still uses a wood stove and fireplace heating. She didn’t believe me yet again and said she would be back with an inspector.. ​ Yesterday once again she came with another person who introduced themselves as an HOA inspector.

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They tried to talk about my fireplaces but I shut them down immediately and said that I am not a member of their group. The guy then tried to lie by saying that the HOA is in control of all the properties in the area.

I immediately called him out on the lie and said that he is either lazy or a moron for not knowing that I am not with them. We went back and forth one more time before I told them I will not listen to them and to stuff it and leave.. ​. Am I an a**hole?

A neighbor’s gripe shouldn’t spark a property war, but Mariette’s crusade against this homeowner’s wood stove reveals a classic boundary violation. Doubting his ownership and siccing the HOA on him—despite his non-membership—shows entitlement, not environmental concern. His sharp dismissal was a stand for autonomy.

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Real estate attorney Bobbi J. Bier notes, “HOAs have no jurisdiction over non-member properties, and misinformation can lead to harassment” (source: Forbes, 2022). Mariette’s claims about environmental harm also falter; wood stoves, when using sustainably sourced wood, have a near-neutral carbon footprint, unlike fossil fuels.

This reflects a growing issue: 20% of homeowners report neighbor disputes over property use, per a 2023 Community Associations Institute survey. He should document interactions and consider a cease-and-desist letter if harassment persists, as Reddit suggests. Staying calm but firm preserves his rights.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s firestarters lit up the comments with bold takes—here’s the heat, served with a smirk.

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HistoricalInaccurate − NTA - If this continues inform the HOA that if they continue to harass you, you have no issues looking into legal counsel. Also, let your neighbor know that she is not allowed on your property and if she come over she is trespassing.

maroongrad − NTA. Sounds like she's going to be a real pain. Much as I hate to say it, it's time to lawyer-up...or you're going to be harassed by her AND the HOA. Also, she's entirely incorrect. A fireplace puts smoke particles into the air but as the wood is usually from dead/fallen trees or trees being cleared for another purpose or sustainably grown wood...

it is FAR more environmentally friendly than other ways of heating. Carbon footprint near zero as opposed to fossil fuels. You are not dealing with someone who has a good connection with reality.

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Speak with a lawyer, send a letter to the HOA letting them know that your neighbor is using them to harass you, she's already made them pay for an inspector, and that it may end in legal troubles. As a good neighbor to the members of the HOA, you hope that this heads-up about her behavior saves them future headaches and costs.

Fire_or_water_kai − NTA But it's time for a lawyer to send a cease and desist to the HOA and your neighbor. This isn't the last you'll hear from them.

Just_an_illusion_ − NTA. Mariette needs to mind her own business. If she really cares so much about how you manage your home, tell her she can pay for it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, I would have done the same. I myself am 100% anti HOA. I don't feel like anyone one should tell me what I can and can't do with my house or property. As for as wood heat, I prefer it over any other form. You do you

DragonflyMon83 − NTA at all. HOA seems like people who have nothing better to do than bully others in most instances anyway. And since you're not under that HOA you are not AH and s**ew them for bothering you.

throwawater − NTA. Be prepared to fight this in court though. It may not come down to it, but being proactive at this point can only help you. Get in touch with a lawyer, and start keeping meticulous records of all interactions moving forward. Don't threaten them with legal action, just keep records and take your lawyer's advice.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - No surprise the HOA lady thinks she’s God.. She’s wrong about the environment too. Wood is a renewable.

b1lllevansatmariposa − NTA, but to be on the safe side, get a lawyer in on this. Are there CCR's associated with the deed to your house? They could make you a member of the HOA, whether you like it or not. That's way most mandatory HOAs work. Not saying that's what's going on here, but a lawyer can tell you.

rjhancock − NTA and get a lawyer to protect you. This will probably escalate.

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These Reddit sparks raise a question: do they fan the flames of justice, or is this neighbor spat too hot for online verdicts?

This homeowner’s clash with Mariette and the HOA burns bright as a testament to defending your space. His refusal to bow to baseless demands protects his home’s heart—its hearth. What would you do if a neighbor meddled in your property? Ever faced an HOA overreach? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep this fire going.

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