AITAH for telling my daughter about the real reason for my divorce with her mother?

A quiet restaurant hums with tension as a 46-year-old father sits across from his 22-year-old daughter, baring the raw truth behind his divorce. After a decade of a loveless, “dead bedroom” marriage, he left his ex-wife with unbridled joy, celebrating with a “ditch the b**ch” party. His kids, stung by his glee and their mother’s claims of infidelity, pulled away, but he’s now setting the record straight to shield his new girlfriend from his daughter’s wrath.

His blunt honesty cracks open old wounds, stirring a storm with his ex’s furious texts. The daughter’s slow warming to his girlfriend hints at healing, yet the father’s carefree stance divides loyalties. Reddit buzzes with heated takes, some lauding his candor, others decrying his coldness. This tale of truth and fractured ties unfolds with raw emotion.

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‘AITAH for telling my daughter about the real reason for my divorce with her mother?’

I left my ex-wife after 10 years of deadbedroom. I left as soon as my youngest was 18 and I didnt hide my happiness while doing it. I threw a 'ditch the b**ch' party and I wake up everyday since then, with a smile on my face. My kids were not thrilled at this and stopped talking to me.

I decided not to make amends with them or share my side of the story because I have done my part, I was there till they went to college, if they need me all they have to do is ask. But I am 46 and I plan to fill my life with as much joy and happiness as I can. I just dont have enough time left to try to convince my kids to not hate me.

I asked for divorce one year ago and two days later I met a woman online. My plan was to remain casual. That didnt pan out as I planned because this woman became my gf pretty fast. Apparently my ex has been feeding lies in my kids minds that I left her for my gf and I was already cheating on her.

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My daughter who is the oldest started messaging to my gf on IG, saying bad things to her, how she is a home wrecker. I ask my daughter to meet me and talk to me directly instead of harassing my gf. I bought her dinner and told her that I never cheated on her mother. Which honestly I regret, I should have cheated on her, I wasted my time suffering.

I told her about deadbedroom and how she didn't put effort in our relationship(she is 22 so I think she can handle it). She asked me why didn't I leave her mother before and I told her that I had this notion that I should ride it out until kids are 18. I thought that was right thing to do but I am not sure anymore.

What I do know is that I don't want to think about it. I want to look forward to my future and if she wants to hate me she is free to do so. I seriously do not have any plans to convince her otherwise. I want to spend rest of my life with people who wants to be with me. I really don't have any plans to convince others to be with me, even if they are my own kids.

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So if she wants to spend time with me, my doors are always open for her and her brother but she cant harass the woman who makes me happy. If she has so much problem with her then its best that we keep our distance. My daughter asked me to give her proof that I only started dating my gf after separation and I showed her my messages.

It took her about a month to process it but She eventually apologized to my gf and we spent time on together on new year eve. As my daughter got to know my gf, she understood how cool she is. They are bonding very well. My ex raged when she learned that my daughter spent time with my gf.

My daughter told her about what I said and told her that she does not blame me anymore and want to move on. Now my ex is up my ass, sending me n**ty messages about how I shouldn't have told our daughter about our s** life, how I am disgusting etc etc.. AITAH?

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This father’s saga reveals a thorny clash of truth and family loyalty. His decision to share the “dead bedroom” issue with his daughter countered his ex’s lies, protecting his girlfriend from harassment. The honesty fostered a bond with his daughter, but his “ditch the b**ch” party and dismissive attitude toward his kids’ feelings sowed resentment, complicating their relationship.

Marital dissatisfaction impacts 20% of couples, often straining parent-child ties when oversharing occurs. Dr. Susan Heitler, a family therapist, observes, “Truth with adult children requires sensitivity to their emotional connections.” The father’s bluntness, while factual, ignored his daughter’s tie to her mother, risking further alienation.

His celebratory exit reflects pent-up frustration, but it alienated his children, who likely felt caught in the crossfire. A gentler explanation, framing the divorce as mutual incompatibility, could have clarified the truth without inflaming tensions.

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The father’s progress with his daughter shows promise, but empathy is key moving forward. Acknowledging his kids’ pain and encouraging open talks can rebuild trust. Sidestepping his ex’s anger while focusing on positive connections will better serve his goal of a joyful life.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s response is sharply divided, with most users labeling the father YTA or ESH for his callous attitude. They criticize his “ditch the b**ch” party and indifference toward his children’s feelings as selfish and disrespectful, arguing that his lack of effort to maintain ties post-divorce—dismissing their need for a father after 18—deepened their hurt. His harsh language about their mother further fueled their resentment.

A minority see him as NTA for telling his daughter the truth, viewing it as a justified response to his ex’s lies about infidelity. They commend his honesty for clearing his girlfriend’s name and rebuilding a bond with his daughter. Even supporters, however, fault his overall demeanor, suggesting his resentment and apathy overshadow any defense of his actions.

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[Reddit User] − lol pretty sure you have to actually have s** in order to have a s** life to talk about.

Prize_Crow1396 − You're not the a**hole for this particular truth but...besides that, you sound like a major one. Edit: based on the comments, dude sounds like such a piece of trash that this post can't be anything but troll bait.

One-Confidence-6858 − Why on earth did you stay “for the kids” when you don’t seem to care about your kids at all? You could have been getting laid regularly for the past 11 years or so and not have to deal with your children. There isn’t a magic switch that flips at 18 and all of a sudden kids don’t need their dad in their life.

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Of course they were upset with their parents getting a divorce, honestly they’re probably just as upset with your apparent apathy towards them as they are the divorce. You could have been an actual mature adult and explained to them that you and their mother weren’t compatible and that’s why you were divorcing.

Instead you let resentment build for 10 years and decided f**k all of them. Kids survive divorce everyday. Trauma comes from parents who stay and take out their unhappiness in their marriage on their kids.

[Reddit User] − Dude why do you resent your own children so much

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Tightsandals − NTA about setting things straight when your ex lied. But honestly, your whole attitude is pretty AH-ish. Dumping your kids, because you “did your part” as if it didn’t even cross your mind that you’re a parent for life, because you love your kids and want to watch them turn into thriving adults,

celebrate their successes and help them out when life gets rough… that kind of thing. I have an ex too, I get it, but that whole “ditch the b**ch” language, I hope you spoke in a respectful manner in front of your children. She is their mother.

lilvixen95 − I can’t imagine why your ex didn’t want to have s** with you

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Trailsya − I threw a 'ditch the b**ch' party. And you wonder why your kids were mad at you.. Maybe your ex is annoying af, but you don't seem to be 100% all there either.

Smallios − ESH your poor children. A ‘ditch the b**ch’ party? Jesus Christ you didn’t take them into consideration at all did you?

[Reddit User] − YTA. You threw a “ditch the b**ch” party and didn’t think your kids would be mad at you? At the end of the day, that’s their mother. That alone was extremely disrespectful. And your overall don’t-give-a-f**k attitude in this post—especially about your kids!—tells me all I need to know about you as a person. Gosh, I wonder why the s** dried up…. I would loooooove to hear her side of the story.

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[Reddit User] − I never cheated on her mother. Which honestly I regret, I should have cheated on her. Good grief.. You DO know that you can surround yourself with happiness WITHOUT trashing your ex, right?. Try it. Maybe someone besides your girlfriend will come along for the ride.

Your whole 'I don't give a s**t if my kids hate me or not' attitude screams that you should have left a long time ago. It would have been kinder to them.. Mild YTA for your gross attitude.

This divorce story is a raw tangle of truth, resentment, and fractured bonds. The father’s candid talk cleared lies but stirred a storm, with his ex raging and his kids reeling from his callous exit. Reddit’s split, torn between his right to honesty and his cold approach. Should parents share such intimate truths with adult kids, or keep the past buried? What would you do to mend family ties after a bitter split? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this messy saga!

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