AITA for choosing to house one son and kicking out the other after finding out what he did to his brother?

The family home, once a haven of shared memories, became a battleground of broken trust. A father, grappling with his son Jack’s painful divorce, learned a devastating truth: Jack’s wife had cheated with his other son, Andrew. The revelation shattered the family, prompting the father to welcome Jack, who was struggling financially, while demanding Andrew leave for his betrayal.

Andrew’s pleas for shelter fell on deaf ears, as the father’s anger and Jack’s hurt took precedence. This raw saga of loyalty and consequence unfolds with heated family disputes and external criticism, painting a stark portrait of a parent forced to choose between sons. It’s a gripping tale of fractured bonds, where love for family clashes with the sting of disloyalty.

‘AITA for choosing to house one son and kicking out the other after finding out what he did to his brother?’

What’s going on right now has been really difficult on everyone. My son Jack (26M) just left his wife of 3 years after finding out she’s been having an affair. He didn’t want me to know the details at all, just insisted only me and him spend time together somewhere public.

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I thought it was because he just didn’t want anyone to know what was going on, but it was really because my other son Andrew (27M) was living with me and he didn’t want to see him. Jack told me he’s running out of money and can’t afford the motel he’s staying at right now.

But he refused to come back to live with me while he goes through the divorce. He finally told me Andrew is the one his wife cheated with. To say I was *disgusted* and horrified is an understatement. That night I gave Andrew a piece of my mind and told him he’s not longer welcome in my home.

The reason he was living with me was also because of his financial problems since he was out of work due to covid. This entire time he knew what was going on but acted like the innocent party until I confronted him. He pleaded with me not to throw him out when he has no place to go.

But I told him as of right now I only have one child because we sure as heck didn’t raise our kids to betray their own family and involve themselves in someone else’s marriage. Since he’s been living with my a while he was given a timeframe to pack up his things and leave.

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Once he was out Jack came to stay with me but haven’t heard the end of it from my ex in laws or his mom. Who conveniently cannot house him either, for one thing because they’re back in their home country, and they are yelling at me for playing favorites with my kids and punishing Andrew when he was already in a rough spot.

They believe as their father I should’ve mediated between them so they could learn to live together. But I wasn’t about to put Jack through that. He wants nothing to do with Andrew and I feel like I need to respect that, not make them hug it out and make up.

I’m also just very angry at Andrew and frankly don’t want to be around him at all either. Yes right now he’s stuck crashing at different friends houses, he keeps begging to come back because everything has been hard. Does it make me an a**hole to not help him out?

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This family crisis lays bare the devastation of betrayal within sibling bonds. The father’s decision to evict Andrew after his affair with Jack’s wife reflects a protective instinct for Jack, who endured both marital and familial disloyalty. Andrew’s deception, hiding his actions while living under his father’s roof, justified the father’s anger and his choice to prioritize Jack’s well-being. The ultimatum to Andrew, while harsh, stems from a breached trust that’s hard to mend.

Sibling betrayal, especially involving infidelity, can fracture families deeply. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 18% of family estrangements involve sibling conflicts over romantic entanglements, often leading to long-term rifts. The father’s refusal to mediate, as demanded by Andrew’s relatives, aligns with respecting Jack’s need for space, avoiding further emotional harm.

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Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Betrayal within families requires clear boundaries to heal; forcing reconciliation often deepens wounds”. Here, the father’s stance supports Jack’s healing while holding Andrew accountable. Andrew’s lack of remorse, evident in his initial silence, fuels the father’s resolve. Gottman’s insight validates prioritizing the betrayed over the betrayer in such cases.

For resolution, the father could maintain his boundary while offering Andrew resources, like job listings, to ease his transition, as Reddit’s newbeginingshey implied. Family therapy might help in time, but only if Andrew shows accountability. The father’s ex-in-laws’ criticism seems misplaced, as their absence limits their role. This case invites reflection on balancing parental duty with accountability in family conflicts.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s response was a fierce wave of support for the father, with commenters unanimously declaring him not the asshole. They viewed Andrew’s affair as a vile betrayal, not just of Jack but of family values, and cheered the father for standing by the wronged son. The community saw Andrew’s eviction as a deserved consequence, with many, like SteampunkHarley, sarcastically suggesting he live with Jack’s ex-wife.

Commenters like Mysterious-System680 praised the father for not forcing Jack to coexist with Andrew, emphasizing that family ties don’t excuse such actions. The community dismissed the ex-in-laws’ complaints as irrelevant, urging the father to block them. These opinions reflect a shared belief that betrayal demands accountability, not forgiveness, especially when it shatters a sibling’s life.

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Apart-Sleep-5627 − NTA. Andrew can go live with his brother's ex wife since he wants to be in her bed so bad. I'd never want to put my child in a situation like that either. I respect you for thinking of your son's feelings. A betrayal like that, and I'd never want to look at that child again.

It's one thing to be cheated on, but cheated on with your own brother HAD to suck. And for him to knowingly and willingly sleep with his brother's wife? Nope. I personally wouldn't claim him either. NTA.

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Careful-Listen2277 − NTA right now he’s stuck crashing at different friends houses, he keeps begging to come back because everything has been hard Thing's haven't been that hard for him since he was able to have an affair with his brother's wife

despite not having his own place.. Why can't his brother's ex wife house him? ETA: If Andrew had the same energy to get a job like he does with sleeping with his brother's ex wife then he would've been CEO by now.

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newbeginingshey − If Andrew is able bodied enough to have an affair with his brother’s wife, then he’s able bodied enough to get a job and support himself - and not try to get busybodies from around the world to harass you after you housed him rent free for two years without any thanks.. NTA

usernamesarestewpid − NTA. Why are people so keen on betraying their siblings?

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[Reddit User] − NTA at all. Block your ex inlaws and his mom. This is none of their business. This is between you and Andrew. Andrew brought this on himself. How did he THINK you would react?

Oh yeah, he didn't think you would ever find out! Hold your ground. For all appearances, Jack is the innocent party here so should get priority. Andrew should just be grateful that he still has friends to crash at their homes..

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SteampunkHarley − NTA. Andrew wanted his brothers wife that bad, he can move in with her 🤷🏼‍♀️

CrystalQueen3000 − NTA. Jack was betrayed by his wife and brother and even tried to cover up what Andrew had done.. Andrew needs to learn that actions have consequences.

Mysterious-System680 − NTA, and it’s good to see a parent who doesn’t demand that the betrayed sibling tolerate the presence of the betrayer because they’re “family”.

No_Meringue_9031 − NTA.. He made his bed... he gets to sleep in it. Guess he needs to find a job now.

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cave_mandarin − Holy S**T.. NTA. The only a**hole here is Andrew.

This tale of a father’s tough choice reveals the raw pain of family betrayal, where one son’s actions tore apart sibling bonds and tested parental loyalty. By choosing Jack over Andrew, the father stood for accountability, but the fallout raises questions about forgiveness and family ties. How do you navigate a betrayal that pits one loved one against another? Share your thoughts below and unpack this heart-wrenching family saga.

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