AITA For Not Returning To My Job?

The hum of creative energy in a freelance design studio turned sour, like ink spilled on a fresh canvas. A seasoned Project Director, who built the team from scratch, faced a gut-wrenching betrayal when their protégé’s affair with a client unraveled, tangled with the team’s plot to hide it from her husband, their trusted accountant. Stung by secret meetings and eroded trust, the director walked away, leaving behind a team now scrambling to survive.

This isn’t just a tale of workplace drama—it’s a vivid clash of loyalty, ethics, and personal values. The director’s exit, though graceful, left clients wary and projects teetering, sparking pleas for their return. Yet, the sting of deception lingers, painting a raw portrait of a leader choosing integrity over obligation in a world where trust is as fragile as a sketch on tracing paper.

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‘AITA For Not Returning To My Job?’

I used to be the 'Project Director' of a design team. A bunch of Freelance artist that pool their talents together to do projects, it was founded by me. Now, full disclosure, I had recently dealt with my own brush with infidelity before this situation; and it may have influenced my reaction.

My former protégé, Dawn, had an affair with a client. This bothered me for a number of reasons. One because of the unprofessionalism of it, and how that's influenced the actual work. Dawn had been allowing changes, and other work to be done outside of what is contracted, causing more work for others that isn't being paid, but that's the business side.

My big issue, other than being disappointed as hell with it, is I not only brought Dawn up into the group and trained her, but I introduced her to her husband Kurt and was the best man at that wedding. He is our free lance accountant in money man. I've known him longer than Dawn.

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The issue came about when I found out, the team wanted to rug sweep the situation, even though Kurt is our friend and does investments, taxes, and financial consultant for everyone on the team. They all wanted to hide it from him and just go about like nothing was wrong, a decision they decided behind my back without consulting me,

because a member of the team, had the false impression that I was too close to Dawn because I liked her. Given the situation, I wasn't happy with anyone and the whole meetings behind my back, and the deceptions and betrayals involved were too much for me. So I decided to leave the team I started.

I promoted my replacement, settled all accounts, and made sure things could run without me. No one wanted me to leave, and everyone said I was tripping. But I don't feel like working with people who would do that to someone like Kurt who has helped us all over the years in many ways above and beyond just what we hired him to do.

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I'm also not cool with several meetings behind my back to hide the situation and come up with a plan of action without me. If ya'll can do all that, ya'll obviously don't need me. Seem pretty organized to me. I'll bow out gracefully.

So I left, but now, a month later it seems they're losing clients and projects because apparently I'm the person some of these companies and clients trust. I am by no means the most talented artist on my team, but it's the other stuff, the business stuff that's faltering.

I'm being begged to rejoin the team so they don't lose a $30,000 project; but I don't want to work with these people anymore. It's not a work environment I enjoy being in anymore. You got unprofessionalism all around, and I'm not saying everything cause of character limitations

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But I definitely feel slighted a lot of the discussions and decisions was made behind my back, and if they'll let something like that happen to Kurt, a friend and valuable business partner, I just don't trust them.. But since I won't come back, people are saying I'm an a**hole. Am I?

This workplace drama cuts deep, exposing cracks in trust and ethics. The Project Director, reeling from their protégé Dawn’s affair with a client and the team’s covert plan to shield it from her husband Kurt, faced a betrayal that struck both personally and professionally. Dawn’s unprofessionalism—allowing unpaid contract changes—compounded the issue, but the team’s secret meetings to bury the truth shattered the director’s faith. Their exit was a stand for integrity, even if it left the team floundering.

Workplace ethics breaches, like this cover-up, can destabilize teams. A 2021 study in the Journal of Business Ethics found that 60% of employees who witness unethical behavior, such as hiding infidelity or contract violations, report decreased trust and productivity. The director’s departure reflects a broader trend of leaders prioritizing values over dysfunctional environments, especially when trust is broken.

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Dr. Linda Treviño, an ethics expert, states, “When ethical breaches are swept under the rug, it erodes organizational trust, driving away those who value integrity”. Here, the director’s exit aligns with protecting their principles, especially given their personal history with infidelity. The team’s secrecy, sidelining their founder, justified the decision to walk away, as trust is the backbone of collaborative work.

To resolve this, the team needs transparent communication and accountability, perhaps through mediation or ethics training. The director could consider informing Kurt, as Reddit’s kathieblog suggested, to honor their friendship, but returning to a toxic environment isn’t obligated. Starting anew or consulting independently might better suit their values. This case invites reflection on balancing loyalty with ethical standards in professional life.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s response was a fiery rally behind the director, with commenters unanimously backing their exit. They saw the team’s secret meetings and cover-up of Dawn’s affair as a gross betrayal, not just of Kurt but of the director’s trust and leadership. The consensus was clear: the team’s unethical behavior and lack of transparency earned their current struggles, and the director owes them nothing.

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Commenters like CelticSkye and NotSoAverage_sister praised the director’s graceful exit, noting they went above and beyond by ensuring a smooth transition. The community viewed the team’s plea for their return as self-serving, with some, like don_clay, even suggesting starting a new team with Kurt. These opinions reflect a shared belief that integrity trumps obligation, especially when a workplace turns toxic with deception.

jtyashiro − NTA. Having people sneaking around behind your back and conspiring to keep secrets from a key team member is not a safe work environment. Whilst it isn't a deal breaker for everyone, if that is where you set your boundary and feel like you need trust in your team mates to work, you have that right.. Out of curiosity, did you tell Kurt about your reason for leaving?

TellSomebodyIt_ − NTA - That’s an unhealthy work environment and you’re not obligated to be a part of it regardless. Did you tell Kurt?

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AccordingTelevision6 − NTA, they're dealing with the consequences of their unprofessionalism now. It's not your fault at all, you can't be expected to work at a job indefinitely that you don't want to just because you feel bad, if that was the case nobody would ever change jobs.

CelticSkye − NTA - First, you are not obligated to work for or with anyone you don't want to. Free will is awesome like that. Second, I wouldn't want to work with this team either. They've shown they have little morals/ethics in both the professional and personal.

If they're willing to hold meetings to literally agree to lie to people, including their boss, then they're willing to lie to anyone about anything.. I'm not surprised they're losing business, but that's not your fault, it's theirs.

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They've not yet learned that in business, people that know what they're doing can see through the b**lshit. And people with a good head for business won't deal with companies that come with drama/b**lshit.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You saw unethical actions on the team and left, that's your choosing and they have no say in that. This is a prime example of what happens when you start going behind peoples back, especially to people who give and give and give to see things succeed. Karma bit them and now they're scrambling.

They're saying you're an a**hole because you won't help them gain a massive project. But if you go back, can they guarantee now more backstabbing? Probably not. You'll go back, you'll get massive projects and most likely more decisions being made behind your back. You're the fact of the company in their eyes and that's it.. Don't go back. Also wondering if Kurt was ever made aware of the issues?

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JudgeJudAITA − NTA. I wasn’t happy. So I decided to leave the team I started.. All the reason you need to leave a job.. I promoted my replacement, settled all accounts, and made sure things could run without me.

More than you were obligated to do, but there are a lot of details missing in “settled all accounts,” though likely none that would ultimately change the judgement, unless you were actively poaching or viciously badmouthing your ex-team on the way out.. No one wanted me to leave, and everyone said I was tripping..

They don’t get to make demands. If you are not happy, you can leave. See above. In your account, you gave them notice and helped them prepare for life after your departure. That they dropped the ball you handed to them is neither your fault nor your responsibility.

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kathieblog − NTA Seems fairly cut and dried. Plenty of solid reasons to walk away. You even went the extra mile by getting your replacement squared away. You reap what you sow and it sounds like that's exactly what's happening to them. How you are dealing with the knowledge of Dawn's infidelity, Kurt's lack of knowledge (do you believe he's that out of it to not know?) and your own feelings about this situation?

Walking away from the business aspect is one thing, but if you were his best man, sounds to me like there's a friendship beyond work there which is either dangling inexplicably or that you're still having to walk on eggshells around him avoiding the conversation at all costs.

Could this question about being an a**hole from the work side of things be more of a question about you not getting real with your buddy, Kurt, now that the work aspect has been handled for all intents and purposes? You would be an a**hole, slightly, if you don't address this in a heart-to-heart with him, IMO.

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NotSoAverage_sister − NTA. You're not a businessman, you're a BUSINESS, man! I didn't get that line until a while after I heard the song. You didn't just do the business, you were the brain and the heart of that business. Sometimes the brain and heart disagree, but it sounds like neither of them wanted to work with those people anymore.

Heart: Poor Kurt, everyone is just fine with him being blind-sided by this, or just being left in the dark about his wife. I can't believe they thought I would be okay with this, because they know how I feel about cheaters.

Brain: they had secret meetings about this situation? Exactly WHAT ELSE have they had secret meetings about? How many times did Dawn step out of bounds with the contract? How many other contracts has she ignored?. Let's bring in another organ:. What does your gut tell you?

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teresajs − NTA You don't owe them anything. They've shown you that they don't have the same ethics and integrity as you; you don't need to 'save' their jobs.

don_clay − NTA, I'd tell Kurt to join your team, start a new team, and start taking away their jobs. You started the original team and helped all of them and then they betrayed you. Don't let them drag you down anymore.

This story paints a stark picture of a leader choosing principles over a team they built, torn apart by betrayal and secrecy. The director’s exit wasn’t just about leaving a job—it was a stand against a culture that excused infidelity and sidelined trust. As the team falters, the question lingers: when does loyalty end, and self-respect begin? Share your thoughts below—how would you navigate a workplace where ethics and trust collapse?

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