AITA for sending my son to school with less food and explicitly telling him not to share with his best friend?

In a bustling middle school cafeteria, two 13-year-old boys once shared laughter and lunches, their friendship a bright spot in the chaos of eighth grade. But now, one boy sits with an empty tray, his stomach growling, as his best friend’s mom draws a hard line: no more shared food. For a year, she packed extra meals for Peter, her son’s friend, suspecting neglect at home. With money tight, she’s stopped, instructing her son, Gregory, not to share—a decision that’s sparked a fiery confrontation with Peter’s mother and left her questioning her choice.

This isn’t just about sandwiches; it’s about the weight of responsibility, financial strain, and a child caught in the crossfire. Reddit’s divided, praising her for prioritizing her family but slamming her for not alerting authorities about Peter’s situation. As the story unfolds, readers are drawn into a messy tangle of compassion, duty, and tough calls. Can kindness stretch only so far before it snaps?

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‘AITA for sending my son to school with less food and explicitly telling him not to share with his best friend?’

This Reddit post reveals a parent’s struggle to balance generosity with financial reality, complicated by signs of neglect in their son’s friend’s home. Here’s the story in their own words:

This situation began a year ago and blew up in our faces last week. My son Gregory is 13 years old. He just began the 8th grade. His friend, Peter, is also 13 and began the 8th grade too. Gregory and Peter have been friends since elementary school. Last year, I noticed that Gregory would be ravenously hungry after school every day.

He would come home and eat a frozen dinner or something, and then help himself to seconds at dinner time. I chalked this up to him being a 12-year-old boy and let it be. Something about the situation was nagging at me though, and while Gregory wasn't clear about why at first, he eventually came clean.

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Peter was being sent to school every day with no lunch. It looks to me like a typical case of neglectful and unfit parents. The one time that Gregory went to their house he came home with comments about it smelling really bad and his Peter's parents locking themselves in the garage for hours.

Feeling bad for Peter, I decided to discretely begin giving Gregory more food every day, just about doubling all his food. Over time I became less discrete and began packing a separate lunch for Peter. I was never thanked for this by anyone, but I knew Peter was eating the food I sent.

This year, things are different. Money is tighter for personal reasons and frankly with how expensive things are, I have decided not to spend exorbitant amounts of money supporting someone else's child. I sat Gregory down and told him that I would be packing him one lunch which is for him and him alone. I made it extremely clear: do not share with anyone, and this includes Peter

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Gregory followed my instructions until one day last week I got a phone call from Peter's mother. She was livid that I had cut Peter off without a single word. I asked her when it became my responsibility to feed her son, and she responded that if she had known I wasn't sending Gregory to school with 'too much food,' she would have handled it herself.

I asked if she remembered why I began sending him to school with two lunches in the first place and she hung up on me. I feel conflicted. I know I'm having my kindness thrown back in my face, but did I approach this situation incorrectly?

This parent’s decision to stop feeding Peter tugs at the heart while raising thorny questions about responsibility. For a year, they filled a gap left by Peter’s parents, but financial strain forced a tough call. Instructing Gregory not to share, though, put a 13-year-old in an unfair spot and left Peter hungry, escalating tensions with his mother. It’s a classic case of good intentions clashing with practical limits.

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The broader issue here is child neglect, which affects over 600,000 U.S. children annually (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services). Peter’s lack of lunch and troubling home environment—described by Gregory as foul-smelling with parents absent in the garage—suggest potential neglect or substance issues. Dr. David Pelcovitz, a child psychology expert, notes, “Adults who notice signs of neglect have a moral duty to act, even if it’s not their child” (Psychology Today). His perspective underscores the parent’s misstep in not reporting concerns.

Instead of abruptly stopping, the parent could have contacted the school counselor or Child Protective Services to ensure Peter’s needs were met. A transitional conversation with Peter’s parents or the school about free lunch programs might have softened the blow.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t mince words, dishing out a mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s the community’s take:

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Upset_Barracuda_4499 − I’m thinking you are about 50/50 here. It’s understandable that you can’t take on the burden of feeding Peter. But you didn’t mention that you contacted anyone at the school and made them aware of this situation. They have people who deal with this type of situation. That’s the part of you that is YTA.

harleybidness − Why haven't you reported this to child services. Something is wrong with Peter's home environment. Peter needs help. :-)

whiterice2323 − I hate to say YTA in this situation, but you are. Not for how you handled the mother, but because as far as Peter himself knows, you *did* 'cut him off' without a word. He's the only one who's suffered here.

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And while you're correct that it's not technically your responsibility, and your family absolutely needs to come first in terms of tighter finances, for any reason, yes you did handle this incorrectly.

wolfeye18 − Info- have you gone to the school. Or child services about this ?

ToadseyeGem − ESH, except the kids. Children going hungry is everyone's business, and he was relying on you. You make no mention of trying to contact anyone about this, or trying to find another solution, you just cut off his access to food. If you can't afford it or don't want to feed this child, that's your perogative, but then you reach out to those who can.

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You talk to the school district, you talk to the PTA, you talk to whoever you need to, you don't just turn a blind eye to a child going hungry and say 'not my kid, not my problem'. For all you know that lunch was the only meal that boy was getting every day. Why didn't you reach out to his parents ever?

This is your son's best friend and it sounds like you don't know them or have any idea what their home life is like at all. Why didn't you reach out to the school to see what low income support they might have to make sure this child didn't go hungry? I'm really disheartened to see how many people have said N T A, and that it isn't your problem.

You haven't made any effort to see if this child is neglected/abused or if the family is just extremely poor. You're not TA for not being able to afford to feed a child that's not yours, but you are TA for washing your hands of the situation completely and making your child cruelly withhold food from his best friend.

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Major_Barnacle_2212 − Where I feel you went wrong was cutting off the ‘turkey’ cold-turkey.. His friend had no warning to (ideally) start getting his lunch needs met.. Your quick stop guaranteed he would sit there without lunch at least one day. Why not tell his parents that you can no longer do “spare lunch” but wanted them to know so they could take back over.

Maybe calling them out would have helped solve his long-term issue. Lastly, feeding lunch does not keep a kid alive. Please call CPS. The signs your son saw plus no lunch say that he is in trouble. Help him.. ESH, not not for stopping the lunches, just for some missteps.. Edit, clarity.

Spallanzani333 − YTA for how you handled it. You started packing full daily lunches for him and did it for a year. Nobody forced you to do that, but you chose to, then stopped with no warning. For a child experiencing n**lect and probably feeling a lack of trust in adults, it seems like just another time an adult in his life abandoned him.

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He could very easily be blaming himself and wondering what he did wrong and thinking that he was a burden. At the very least, you should have had a personal conversation with Peter and told him about your financial situation and how you can't keep sending lunch for him, but it's not his fault and he hasn't done anything wrong.

He's 13, he's more than old enough to have that conversation. You could also have contacted the school counselor or social worker to see if they could help.

Edcrfvh − YTA for not telling any authority the kid wasn't being fed. It was great you were feeding him but the real problem is his parents n**lect. You feeding him did not help in that area. Call CPS. Call the school. Maybe they can put him into free lunch program. But don't just stop feeding him abruptly.

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DeepFudge9235 − YTA putting your kid in the middle of that and preventing him from doing what was right. You should have contacted the other adult a year ago so it didn't come to this.

spookykitton − YTA, not for feeding the boy or even for cutting it off when money got tight. YTA because you could have alerted someone else to this situation where a child was literally going hungry each day. The school, the teacher, even CPS, but you didn’t say a word. That’s why YTA.

These comments cut deep, but do they fully grapple with the parent’s financial bind? Is it fair to expect one family to carry another’s burden?

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This parent’s story is a raw slice of real life—kindness stretched thin, a kid left hungry, and no easy answers. Stopping Peter’s lunches was a practical move, but the abrupt cutoff and lack of follow-up left a sour taste. Reddit’s split, torn between praising family-first priorities and decrying inaction on neglect. Where do you land? If you saw a child in need, how far would you go to help, and when would you draw the line? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this messy dilemma!

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