AITA for finalizing my deceased mothers divorce to my dad?

In a quiet Montana town, a young man sits at his kitchen table, staring at legal papers that could shatter his family. At 24, he’s grappling with the sudden loss of his mother, killed in a tragic bicycle accident, and the weight of her unfinished battle: a divorce settlement against his father. Her estate, now his, hinges on a court-ordered 25% share of the family’s cattle ranch—a legacy his father refuses to pay. Torn between honoring his mother’s wishes and preserving a fragile bond with his only living parent, he faces an impossible choice.

The ranch, a sprawling symbol of his father’s pride, is at the heart of the dispute. His mother fought for a modest share to protect her sons’ future, but his father’s resistance—and a history of infidelity—clouds their relationship. As Reddit rallies behind him, the young man wonders: will justice for his mother cost him his father and brother? This emotional saga pulls readers into a storm of grief, duty, and fractured ties.

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‘AITA for finalizing my deceased mothers divorce to my dad?’

This Reddit post captures a son’s heart-wrenching dilemma as he navigates grief, duty, and a fractured family. Here’s his story in his own words:

Background: So I (24m) just had my mother pass away in July from a bicycle accident, and found out I was the sole heir to her estate. She was a stay at home mom for my whole life to my brother (now a 22m) and I, and three years ago she found my dad cheating on her and started to process for getting a divorce.

This was a lengthy process and ended up with me being on my moms side and my brother on my dads. My dad has quite a large cattle ranch in Montana that he and my mom bought from his father while they were married and this ranch is the main point of contention for the divorce.

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My mom had mostly finalized the divorce, and to avoid forcing my dad to have to sell his ranch, she only went after 25% instead of the 50% deemed fair and equitable per state law. This was against the advice of the court but she went with it anyways. She won the initial court case, and then my dad appealed it the the Montana Supreme Court, and she won there too.

My dad never paid the amount ordered to her, so right before her passing she was working on filing for contempt to get the amount she was owed. It should be noted that she went after the 25% to ensure the ranch wouldn't have to be sold, so my little brother could inherit it from my father.

Since my dad testified that he wasnt going to give me anything to inheirit, (partly due to the fact that I don't want the ranch, nor have any desire to be a rancher, but also because I took my mothers side) she left everything she had to me. Fast forward to the present, and now I am the one that is having to take the burden of taking my dad back to court for the amount he hasn't paid.

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This is after I had to handle all the funeral preparations as well as my mother's medical bills. This has been a super emotional time for me, and I am realizing that my dad is my only parent left, and I dont want to lose my chance at a relationship with him.

He claims that even paying the 25% will cause him to have to sell the ranch, which while I believe is false (he owns it free and clear of debt and I dont think it would be terribly difficult for him to come up with the money without selling the ranch) I'm worried that following through with this case will make me TA to him and ruin my chances of a relationship with him and consequently my little brother as well. So AITA?

Tldr: I am having to take my father to court to get him to pay the amount he was ordered to by the court in his divorce with my mom who recently passed and left her estate to me. Will following through with the case make me TA in his eyes and ruin any chance of a relationship I may have with him?

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This young man’s struggle is a gut-punch of grief and moral conflict. Pursuing his mother’s divorce settlement feels like honoring her memory, but it risks burning bridges with his father and brother. The ranch, a financial and emotional anchor, complicates matters—his father’s claim that paying 25% would force a sale adds pressure to an already tense situation.

The son’s loyalty to his mother clashes with his longing for a relationship with his father, who cheated and disowned him in court. This reflects a broader issue: family estrangement often stems from unresolved financial disputes, with 52% of estranged families citing money as a factor (Family Process Journal). Dr. Joshua Coleman, a family estrangement expert, notes, “Financial conflicts can deepen emotional rifts, especially when trust is already broken” (Dr. Joshua Coleman). His perspective highlights how the father’s refusal to pay fuels the son’s sense of betrayal.

Legally, the son, as executor, has a fiduciary duty to uphold his mother’s estate, as Reddit users pointed out. Emotionally, though, he’s stuck. Coleman suggests mediation to address both financial and relational needs, preserving some connection. The son could propose a payment plan to avoid a ranch sale, showing empathy while pursuing justice.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit brought the heat, offering a mix of legal savvy and heartfelt advice. Here’s what the community had to say:

Notmiefault − NTA, your mother's estate is entitled to what your father owes.

iaincaradoc − You're in quite the pickle if you're the executor/personal representative for the estate. If you are, you're acting as a fiduciary, and it does not matter what your personal interests are. You are to act in the best interests of the estate and its inheritors - which may also be yourself, but that's a separate hat.

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I'm currently the personal representative for three different estates, one of which is a deceased inheritor for one of the other estates, and things are just kind of FUBAR given that I'm not the only inheritor for any of them.

(One person passed, second person passed without closing out the first person's estate, three of us were inheritors to the second estate, and one of the three died leaving two of us inheriting a third each from the second estate and half each from the third estate. I hope to have all of this wrapped up completely by the end of the year.). NTA.

ETA: I am not a lawyer/attorney. I'm just functioning as the Personal Representative for those estates in informal probate. It's been... educational.

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MiskiMoon − NTA. Follow through in your Mums wishes.

luckycat97 − As someone who is also estranged from her father after a particularly ugly divorce, you would NOT be the a**hole for going after what was rightfully your mother's and is now rightfully yours.

That being said it's a complicated situation, your feelings will likely be complicated the whole time, and ultimately the decision you make will be the right one because its yours to make. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best.

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nsp1177 − NTA in the eyes of a third party... however, you WILL BE TA in the eyes of your father and most likely your brother. This sounds like what concerns you the most.

Unfortunately, you’ll need to decide whether you want the money more or a potential relationship with your dad and brother going forward. Maybe you can negotiate some other form of fulfillment of your mother’s wishes. Either way, absolute best of luck to you.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If he wants a relationship with you, he won't let money get in the way.

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_bone_witch − OP, you’re looking at it as ‘the cost of having a relationship with my father is giving up the money’. Your father should see giving up a relationship with his son as the cost of trying to keep the court-ordered money. In this situation giving up the money means that you’ve just lost your mother and will be hit with the bills!

The stress of medical/funeral bills absolutely colors someone’s experience after losing a loved one—how on earth are you supposed to focus on grieving and healing when half your mind has to be on avoiding medical debt? I’m your age now, I was the primary caregiver and took responsibility when my dad died at 18, so I know from experience:

Especially when you’re young, you feel guilty for thinking about bills at all.After all, you wanted her to have the best care, so it’s natural to feel like you shouldn’t even think about how paying for it will affect your life. But it will affect your life. When I hear you struggling with losing someone, I wish I could make it easier for you.

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And I’m not your dad, and I don’t have money! If your dad is able to see his own kid struggle with grief and bills, and he has the power (and court-ordered obligation!) to take some weight off your shoulders, and he doesn’t want to do that for you...I’m so sorry OP, but I can’t see any scenario where you’d get the relationship you want with your dad, because he is not the dad that you deserve.

If you suck it up, take the financial hit, and try to put on a happy face about it around your dad, knowing that his love for you depends on your performance...I really doubt that that is going to lead to long-term closeness with your dad.

That is going to lead to resenting him and blaming yourself for resenting him for a very, very long time.It’s okay to grieve for the relationship you wanted to have with your dad. But I think doing that now will hurt you less in the long run.. NTA.

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KittyKiitos − NTA.. Your dad TESTIFIED IN COURT that he wasn't giving you anything.. Your mom left you everything she had. I know it's very hard to lose a parent, but your dad put you and your mom through a ton of added stress and sadness before she passed away.

He cheated on your mom and couldn't even give her the decency of a divorce that still heavily favored him. He disowned you in his will over this. He will not be the man you hope he'll be, regardless of whether you back down. Don't give up on the legacy of the parent who cared about you outside of yourself for someone who would disown you out of spite.

BambiandB − NTA - the law doesn’t care about feelings. Your mother went after what she thought was fair when she was alive and as the executor of her will you have an obligation to carry out her last wishes.

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Not to mention your father is now also appealing to your feelings to not pursue it, even though he was the one who cheated and is now trying to s**ew you out of your inheritance because he sounds like a greedy SOB.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You're pretty much screwed though. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

These takes are raw and real, but do they miss the emotional toll of choosing between legacy and family?

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This young man’s story is a raw blend of loss, loyalty, and tough choices. Enforcing his mother’s hard-won settlement feels like justice, but the cost—losing his father and brother—looms large. Reddit backs his claim, yet the heart aches for reconciliation. Can he honor his mother without sacrificing his family? What would you do in his shoes, caught between a parent’s legacy and a fractured future? Drop your thoughts below—let’s dig into this emotional crossroads together!

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