AITA for refusing to taxi my children to see their Dad?

A mother’s patience snaps when her ex, behind on child maintenance and hurling vile insults like “money grabbing c*nt,” demands she drive their teenage kids 8 miles for his visitation day. Offering that he or his partner, who has a car, pick them up, she holds firm, only to face accusations of blocking access. Reporting him to the Child Maintenance Service prompts payment and a pickup plan, but his abuse lingers. Reddit cheers her stand, but the emotional toll raises questions of duty and defiance. This isn’t just about a drive—it’s a clash of respect, responsibility, and resilience. Was her refusal fair, or too harsh? Readers are hooked: should she have driven them, or stood her ground? The co-parenting drama demands a verdict.

‘AITA for refusing to taxi my children to see their Dad?’

This mother shared her co-parenting standoff on Reddit, detailing her ex’s abuse and her refusal to drive their kids. Here’s her original post and edits, unpacking the heated dispute.

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Today is his day to have them, and he expects them dropped off at his house (a 20 minute drive away, around 8 miles).. He owes child maintenance money which he is withholding.

Is messaging me constant abuse calling me a “money grabbing c*nt”, and other vile words, even though it’s not me who has asked him for more money, it was determined by The Child Maintenance Service..

He says that by me not chauffeuring them around, I’m stopping him seeing them.. I’ve said he is welcome to come and pick them up, his new partner has a car. I’d never refuse him access, but I will no longer drive them to him, surely it’s his responsibility to come and get them?. So, AITA, because he makes me feel like one.. Thanks.

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EDIT: He has now called the children and said he’ll be over to collect them later this afternoon, I assume, with his partner driving. Thanks everyone x

Edit 2: I reported him to CMS and requested to switch to collect and pay from his wages (he’d have to pay an additional 20%), and he paid what he was supposed to directly to me.. I really appreciate everyone’s advice and support with this. Thank you 🙏. My children are teenagers.. Their Dad doesn’t drive, he has no license.

Co-parenting requires mutual effort, and this mother’s refusal to drive her teens to their father’s house is a justified boundary against his financial delinquency and verbal abuse. His failure to pay court-ordered child maintenance, coupled with misogynistic insults, undermines his claim that she’s blocking access, especially since she offered pickup as an option. His eventual compliance after her CMS report shows her stance worked, but his behavior, as Reddit noted, reeks of entitlement and control. Her willingness to allow visitation, provided he arranges transport, fulfills her legal and moral duty.

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This reflects common co-parenting power struggles. A 2023 study in Family Court Review found that non-paying parents often use visitation disputes to exert control, with abusive language escalating tension. The father’s lack of a license doesn’t absolve him; his partner’s car or public transport are viable, as Reddit suggested.

Family law expert Dr. Karen Bonnell says, “Transportation for visitation is a shared responsibility; one parent’s failure to contribute doesn’t obligate the other to compensate”. Her insight validates the mother’s boundary, though discussing the change with her teens could ease their adjustment. The father’s abuse warrants a co-parenting app, like Our Family Wizard, to limit direct contact, as a Redditor advised.

The mother should maintain her boundary, document all abuse for CMS or court records, and communicate pickup plans clearly with her teens.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit dove into this co-parenting clash with takes as fierce as a custody hearing. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even bitter disputes need a chuckle.

ElizaPickle − NTA for not taking on 100% of the transport responsibility, presumably he is managing to get around elsewhere without a car or your help so there is no reason he cannot work out picking up his kids.

Having said this, if your sole reason for not driving them is because he is being a n**ty b**tard and doesn’t deserve your help and not because it is an inconvenience /added expense for you then please also consider your kids before making this stance. How will they feel if they don’t get to go?

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Is there any way you could speak to him and the kids about the fact that you need to scale back and eventually stop taking on the transport responsibilities for both parents, thus giving him (and showing the kids that you are giving him) ample time to come up with alternative arrangements?

_throwaway_wifey_ − I have six children with my ex-husband, and in the decade we’ve been apart, I have not one day, not one time, transported them to him for his visitation time.  No court has ordered it, no court has encouraged it, and in fact, he was court ordered to buy a vehicle big enough to manage transportation all by his grown up self.

The responsibility for his visitation has been laid solely on him, and he has waived it PLENTY of times by not showing up.  The eventual distance he created by his absence is his fault, not mine.

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Additionally, we are court-ordered to communicate solely through a co-parenting app called “Our Family Wizard” to prevent similar vitriol coming from him to me.  Something similar might be helpful for you.  Hang in there.  NTA.

warclonex − NTA. Responsibility is 50/50 and access is not the same as transportation. For example...i have 'access' to a 24/7 gym, but its my responsibility to get off my lazy ass over there.. The father has access to his kids on the given days...OP is not locking them up and denying him that...he just has to put in the effort to get off his lazy ass to get them.

Scottish_squirrel − NTA. Your kids are teenagers. Your ex is an adult. This is a good time for them all to learn some independence. You're not an unpaid taxi for anyone, kids included. He steps up. Pays his share and makes the effort to see his kids. If not, I'd be pursuing whoever deals with this and notifying them of everything.

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IcyObject479 − He’s looking for any excuse to not take responsibility.

aItereg0 − NTA. He's a lazy ass and resorts to abuse when you dont cater to him. No surprise at all that he's an ex. I bet this attitude extended to plenty of other things while you were together.. Your kids are probably better off not spending too much time with him anyway.

KuriousKttyn − OP I can't add to what others are saying about transport but from the £ signs you are adding I take it you're in the uk? Just contact the cms and report a missed payment and they'll set up the collect option that will take it directly from his paycheck. Plus it will cost him an extra 20% for the privilege. Yeah you lose 4% a month but it's better than not getting anything?

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Lyzab77 − NTA. It's not like it was temporary. And he should get a license. He may need to drive one day if his GF can't drive him. His children may need him to drive them to places. But it's his problem. On your part, you don't refuse he sees his children, you're not his wife ! you don't have to make things for him.

Sure, it's a problem for his children, but no judge will tell you that you must become a UBER for your ex ! On the contrary, a judge will say that if your child has a little injury and must go to the doctor, your ex should have a license to bring him to the doctor, and not call an ambulance !

I'm not sure of the word (I'm French) but I will try : your ex is useless. And one day, his children will understand that he made no effort for them. Paying a child support is the bare minimum to do. But the most important, is to spend quality time with your children. Your ex doesn't care. Or he would pay a uber to come and take them.

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NeedaVent286 − If you're UK, you can speak to CMS about the travel costs too. Especially if you have it in writing that you've asked him to meet halfway and he's refusing. Or to alternate pick up/drop off (ie you drop them to him, he drops them to you). You're NTA. He is very much the AH. He's literally using your kids as a method of controlling you.

Also, if there's a court order, it says to make the children available, not turn into CAOUber. If he's not willing to do his share, but you've made sure they're ready, that's on him. You're not breaching a CAO.

Just say something like 'the kids will be ready at 11am on Saturday for you. They can be collected from xxx.' If he then refuses, you've made the kids available, he has chosen not to. If he wants to see the kids, he will find a way to get them.

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DireStraits16 − NTA. I had a similar scenario with my ex, though he wasn't vile and n**ty about it like yours. He was more whiny. It's a 25 mile each way trip and I've never got a penny from him to support our child. He's broke.

When our child was younger, if he wanted to go see his dad, I'd take him once a month for the weekend and collect him after.. As he got older, he wasn't bothered so I didn't take him.. It's not your responsibility to solve your exes transport issues. He could get a bus/taxi/lift with a friend.

These Reddit quips are bold, but do they steer the truth? Was the mother’s refusal a rightful stand, or too tough on her kids?

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This mother’s stand against her ex’s demands is a gritty tale of boundaries over bullying. Refusing to chauffeur her teens to a deadbeat dad who hurls vile abuse, she wins Reddit’s NTA nod and forces his compliance, but the scars of his words linger. As she navigates co-parenting, one question remains: can she shield her kids without softening her spine? What would you do when an ex mixes insults with parenting duties? Share your stories and weigh in on this raw drama!

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