Update 2: AITAH for telling my fiancé I won’t help pay the mortgage?

In a cozy living room filled with the soft hum of family life, a woman faced a heart-wrenching clash that turned her world upside down. Her fiancé’s dream of homeownership unraveled into a battle over trust and fairness, leaving her questioning a decade-long love. With her toddler’s innocent questions echoing in the background, the sting of betrayal cut deep, amplified by harsh words and a glimpse into his troubling new beliefs. The tension was palpable, like a storm brewing in a once-calm sky.

This Reddit tale, raw and unfiltered, captures a pivotal moment where financial disputes meet emotional upheaval. Readers are drawn into her struggle, wondering how love could sour so fast. It’s a story of standing firm, spotting red flags, and navigating the fallout of a partner’s descent into toxic ideologies—a relatable saga that sparks both empathy and debate among those who’ve faced similar crossroads.

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‘Update 2: AITAH for telling my fiancé I won’t help pay the mortgage?’

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. You’ve shown me i’m not alone in this and that other people have gone through the same. I also feel vindicated in my decision to not pay half the mortgage if i’m not on the deed, thank you. Anyways, tonight he and I got to talking about the arrangement again.

He said he didn’t want to do the prenup I mentioned in my last update. So I told him my final offer was couples therapy AND getting married before we buy a house. I told him we should get a rental temporarily until we figure everything out and come to an agreement. He outright refused, again. He said he didn’t want to “waste money” renting.

He then said I’m not entitled to any of his money and he won’t buy a house after we marry because i’ll just “win it in a divorce”. I said fine we won’t get married. He asked if I was breaking up with him and I said I didn’t know, but I needed space. He. Lost. It. Called me a btch and a gold digger and told me I “owe” him $30,000.

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(I don’t know where he got this number from) He said i’m “used up” and no one will ever want me again. He went on ranting, yelling at me, for about 3 minutes until my grandma came over to us and told him to leave. He’s staying the night at a hotel and has called me repeatedly. He’s left a few angry voicemails. I feel so numb.

My baby is confused and keeps asking why I’m upset and where their dad went. I hate this so much. To everyone who mentioned he might’ve gotten in with the manosphere/ red pill content, you were right. I looked at who he’s subscribed to on youtube, sure enough I saw Joe Rogan, Fresh and Fit podcast, justpearlythings, and adin ross.

Safe to say he’s fallen down the manosphere rabbit hole. I know the man i fell in love with is gone and there’s nothing I can do about it. There were definitely signs I didn’t notice, he always said he was saving “his money”, and HE was buying a house. He also said, on more than one occasion, he was the “man of the house”.

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He got really big on being a “provider and protector”. I didn’t put it all together until now. His behavior change has been pretty recently, like the last 8-9 months. That’s it. My life is a s**t show. Writing it out has been somewhat therapeutic. Thank you all again for your support!

This Reddit story reveals how financial disputes can unmask deeper trust issues. The woman’s refusal to pay a mortgage without legal protection clashes with her fiancé’s rigid stance, fueled by “manosphere” ideologies. His verbal abuse—calling her a “gold digger”—signals contempt, which Dr. John Gottman identifies as a divorce predictor (The Gottman Institute). This behavior, paired with his rejection of therapy, suggests a partnership lacking mutual respect.

The broader issue is the influence of toxic online communities promoting rigid gender roles. A 2022 Institute for Strategic Dialogue study notes that “manosphere” content can radicalize men, impacting relationships. Her fiancé’s shift to viewing himself as the sole “provider” aligns with this trend, evident in his YouTube subscriptions. Financial manipulation, as seen here, affects 1 in 5 couples, per Psychology Today, eroding trust.

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For solutions, she should document his messages for legal protection and consult a lawyer for custody and support. Individual therapy can aid emotional recovery. In future relationships, discussing financial expectations early and setting clear boundaries will be key. Her strength in recognizing red flags empowers her to move forward confidently.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support, legal advice, and a few well-placed jabs at the fiancé’s “red pill” spiral. It’s like a virtual group chat where everyone’s got an opinion and a keyboard to share it. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

Bewitchingchick − Keep the voicemails and messages he sends. You may need them. Get ready to go to court to custody and child support. Do not be alone with this man.. Edit: Grandma is awesome.. If he comes back and is yelling and acting up call the cops.

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External_Expert_2069 − Your life is not a s**t show! Imagine if you moved into that house, paid for a few years and actually married him! That would be a colossal s**t show. I'm so sorry you are going through this but you found out before taking these next big steps. You have your degree, family support and your kid. You will be fine ♥️ please talk to a good lawyer.. custody, child support and save and document everything

Anthrodiva − It blows my mind that these guys RUIN their lives over a PODCAST

Fishvv − Im sad for you but at the same time super happy you found all this about his true self before getting married and stuff now you can move on with your life hopefully he will be there for the kids but please leave this man and never take him back.

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AppointmentHot1099 − Mute him on everything so anything he texts you or send via voice you can use in court against him

NYCStoryteller − Welp, based on that rant, I guess you're single again. Do not take him back. Consider it a bullet dodged on the marriage front, and keep all of those texts and voice mails for a protective order + the custody battle.

Equal_Maintenance870 − I’m so sorry. It’s wild how many men will f**k up their whole lives because they start buying into red pill trash. But at least you’re in a good spot with grandma and you saw this before letting him trick you into paying for “his” house. Big time bullet dodged. You’ll be okay, you’ve got this!

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MaGaGogo − I'm so sorry for you and for your baby. You made the right decision, please don't doubt it.

creativekinda − The irony is that he thinks he worked so hard to save money but if it wasn't for your grandmother who is (gasp), a woman, he wouldn't have been able to do that.

monikapearl − Girl, you dodged a bullet. Sorry this is how your 10 year relationship ended but so proud of you! You and kiddo stay safe. Good on grandma for giving him the boot, too

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These Redditors rallied behind her, praising her dodge of a financial trap and urging her to protect herself legally. Some saw his outburst as a dealbreaker, while others cheered grandma’s epic intervention. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama? One thing’s clear: this story’s got everyone buzzing.

This saga lays bare the messy intersection of love, money, and toxic influences, showing how quickly trust can crumble. The woman’s courage in standing her ground, backed by her grandma’s fierce support, marks a turning point. While her path forward is uncertain, her clarity in spotting red flags offers hope for a stronger future. Navigating such betrayals is never easy, but her story resonates with anyone who’s faced a partner’s unexpected shift. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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