Aita for telling my sister it’s too late to keep entertaining the lie about her daughters paternity?

In a quiet family home, a 22-year-old secret hums like a ticking time bomb, ready to disrupt lives with a single DNA test. A young woman, eager to uncover her father’s identity, stands on the brink of unraveling her mother’s carefully woven lie—a tale of a fictional romance hiding a one-night stand and a past love. The OP, caught between loyalty and truth, faces a moral crossroads as her sister clings to deception. Was it right to call for honesty, or should the past stay buried?

This Reddit saga pulls us into a tangle of family loyalty, hidden identities, and the weight of long-held lies. As the niece’s quest for her roots threatens to expose a painful truth, we’re left wondering how far one should go to protect—or reveal—a secret. Let’s explore the original post, consult an expert, and hear Reddit’s take on this delicate family drama.

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‘Aita for telling my sister it’s too late to keep entertaining the lie about her daughters paternity?’

My sister is bisexual and 22 years ago, her and her girlfriend at the time were trying to have a baby. No sperm bank would take two broke college students seriously so they decided to separately hook up with two different guys they would meet at a bar. At the time I thought the idea was so stupid but they didn’t really care.

My sister got pregnant, her girlfriend didnt. They both raised the baby until she turned two when they broke up. Ever since my sister has been raising her alone until she got remarried to her husband when my niece was ten. My sister doesn’t identity as gay anymore and calls that a “phase” and refuses to talk about it.

My parents were ashamed of it and were happy that she turned “straight”. My sister made me swear we would tell her daughter that her father and my sister dated and were together for a while but broke up when he moved to a different state and that he never wanted to be a father. That was her story.

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I was sixteen when all this was happening so I didn’t really think much of it. My niece is now 22 and is planning on taking a 23 and Me test fo find her dad. My sister gave her a fake name (she doesn’t remember the name of the guy she slept with) so her lies are about to come unraveling because obviously the guy has a different name.

And if my niece speaks to him he’ll obviously confirm my sister was a one night stand and they didn’t date for years. My sister plans to tell her daughter he’s lying and was ashamed because he hid a girlfriend from her and that’s how she’s going to explain it off to her daughter. But I think it’s too late to keep lying.

I think it’s because her husband is conservative and wouldn’t accept her seriously dating a woman, planning a baby with her, and even naming my niece after her girlfriend deceased mother. My sister says I’m an a**hole for not wanting to back her up after keeping her lie for all these years.

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Family secrets can fester like unopened mail, and this paternity lie is no exception. The OP’s push for honesty challenges her sister’s web of deception, but it’s a messy unraveling. Let’s dissect this drama with a knowing nod and some expert insight.

The sister’s lie—claiming a long-term relationship with a man who was actually a one-night stand—protected her from judgment about her past bisexuality and relationship with a woman. Now, with her niece’s DNA test looming, the sister’s plan to pile on more lies risks shattering trust. The OP’s refusal to comply reflects a desire to shield the niece from betrayal. This taps into a broader issue: family transparency. A 2021 Psychology Today article notes that 70% of adults report family secrets causing emotional distress when revealed.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, writes in The Dance of Connection, “Truth, even when painful, fosters trust and healing in families.” The sister should share a simplified truth: the niece was conceived from a brief encounter, and the father’s identity is unknown. This respects her privacy while empowering the niece. The OP can support by encouraging this conversation privately, avoiding judgment, and helping the niece process the truth. Honesty, not more lies, paves the way for family healing.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crowd jumped into this family fiasco like detectives on a cold case, tossing out support and shade in equal measure. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got a theory and no one’s holding back. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

Lacroix24601 − NTA but I’d stay as far away as possible from this big ole bomb. Why can’t she just say she had a one night stand for fun & 9 months later, there niece was. that’s not even a lie. She doesn’t have to talk about the relationship she was actually in if she doesn’t want to.

AmethysstFire − NTA. The problem with lies is you have to keep telling more lies to cover up the existing lies.. Your niece will find the truth and be pissed at your sister for all the lies.

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impostershop − Well, I don't think YTA necessarily, but why are you hell bent on butting your head in? I would back way way way off even if you disagree. When you have your own kids, you can s**ew them up however you like, but your niece isn't your daughter.

If the niece asks you, refer her back to her mother. The niece is a grown up and will figure it out. AND - let's say a silent prayer for the biological father who probably doesn't know she ever existed and is about to get his life blown up. I really don't like your sister. How would you feel if you found out you had a 23yo you never knew about.

Belf17 − NTA, your sister lied and you are not forced to participate in that lie. She lied to her husband for 12 years and to her daughter for 22 years, of course she is too deep in it to abandon the lie, but she is stupd.

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nyorifamiliarspirit − NTA. Your sister is a giant a**hole in so many ways.

MandaDian − For being honest with your sister you are NTA. But overall the only two people in this story who aren’t AHs are your niece and her biological father. Even if your sister doesn’t want to acknowledge that phase of her life, she could have kept it to a watered down truth “I had a one night stand and came away with the blessing of my daughter.”

But she decided on an all out lie and everyone supported it. Now the truth is going to come out and the person who will be most hurt is your niece, who is going to realize that the people she loves and trusted most have been lying to her for her entire life.

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ParsimoniousSalad − It's not necessary to give all the details (particularly if they could blow up her marriage), but she also absolutely shouldn't compound the lie with additional lies (especially ones that try to paint the biological father in a bad light).

She became pregnant from a nice man she met but wasn't actually dating him, so didn't keep in touch. She wanted very much to have a child and was excited to have and raise your niece.. That's all that needs to be said.

Don't compound lies with more lies! If the current marriage weren't at risk, I'd say why hide the rest (it might be nice for niece to know that she wasn't an accident but was actively wanted), but sister has a right to protect her relationship with omitting details (just not making up further lies). NTA

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This isn't your lie. You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

queenhadassah − NTA for telling your sister that, but YWBTA if your niece does discover her father this way, and you don't step in to tell her the truth. All these 'stay out of it' comments absolutely baffle me. She's your niece!

If you care about her at all, the right thing to do is to help her get a relationship with her father without all the drama, confusion, and pain your sister's continuing lies will inflict. She and her father, the only innocent ones in this scenario, deserve that. And if she does have to figure it out on her own, she will probably be hurt and angry at you for never telling her once she realizes you knew.

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While if you step in before your sister can cause more damage, she will feel significantly less betrayed. Just give her the basic details that her father was a one night stand that her mother doesn't remember the name of, and that he doesn't know about her. You don't even need to go into her mother's relationship history

stevedresnor − NTA, but I wouldn't get involved. This is between your sister and her daughter. If your niece asks you about her father, I'd tell her to talk to her mother.

Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming the sister’s lies while urging distance from the fallout. Some suggested a partial truth to soften the blow; others feared for the niece’s pain. But do these fiery takes see the whole picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

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This AITA tale reveals the heavy cost of family secrets, where lies meant to protect can wound the deepest. The OP’s stand for truth challenges a fragile facade, but it’s the niece who may pay the price. Expert advice points to honesty as the path forward, while Reddit’s chorus demands accountability. It’s a stark reminder that truth, though messy, builds stronger bonds than deception.

Have you ever faced a family secret that changed everything? Would you push for honesty or let the lie linger? Share your stories and thoughts in the comments—how would you navigate this paternity puzzle?

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