AITA for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family’s cabin?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The creak of a rustic cabin’s porch swing promises summer memories, but for one couple, a family tradition turns into a financial flashpoint. Inviting his girlfriend to join a cherished getaway at his grandparents’ cabin, a man lays out the catch: a $200-400 fee to cover upkeep, per a family rule for all over 20. Her refusal to pay sparks a heated argument, unraveling their summer plans and leaving him questioning fairness.

This tale of love and ledger balances teeters on the edge of hospitality and obligation. As Reddit swings in with sharp critiques, the story tees up a modern dilemma: when does a family rule clash with guest courtesy? With a weekend of family bonding on the line, it’s a rustic row that hits close to home.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family’s cabin?’

My grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them have enjoyed annual family vacations. Due to the cabin's age, there is constant maintenance that needs to be done. Every time we've replaced, fixed or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing.

We also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. These costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead.

This has caused them to implement a fee system. The rule is as folllows; every person from the age of 20 years old need to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin. The size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin, and how big the upkeep costs were the previous year.

ADVERTISEMENT

I've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented, and so have my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up.

I decided to invite my girlfriend along as I want to introduce her to this tradition, as she is someone I'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with. She was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot.

Naturally, I sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay, as everyone else paid, and it was only fair for her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. This year's fee is around $200-400 (depending on how many people use the cabin) due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage.

ADVERTISEMENT

The idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. The rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone, I don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it.

My brother told me I should just pay her fee for her as my extended family really would like to meet her, but I really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. AITA?. ​ Edit: The cabin is not leaky anymore. All the damages were fixed this spring. My uncle handles the finances for this and usually pays for everything before calculating the individual costs at the end of the year.

Inviting a partner to a family retreat shouldn’t feel like handing them an invoice, but for this man, a cabin fee fumbled his gesture. His girlfriend, expecting a warm welcome, balked at paying $200-400 for a single weekend at a dated cabin with no personal stake. The family’s rule—fair for invested relatives—feels like a cold demand for a first-time guest, and his insistence risks alienating her before she’s even family.

ADVERTISEMENT

Shared family properties often stir financial friction. A 2023 survey by the American Property Owners Association found 35% of co-owned vacation homes face disputes over guest policies, especially when costs are passed to non-owners. The cabin’s fee system, while practical for family, ignores the etiquette of hosting: guests don’t pay unless pre-agreed. The girlfriend’s reaction—opting out—reflects a boundary, not entitlement.

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman advises, “Hospitality means absorbing costs to make guests feel valued, not burdened” (The 5 Love Languages). His insight highlights the man’s misstep: springing the fee post-invitation undercuts the spirit of inclusion. The brother’s suggestion to cover her fee points to a solution the family rule lacks—a guest policy.

To salvage this, the man could apologize, offer to pay her fee this year, and propose a family discussion on guest rules, like a free first visit or a nominal daily rate. Couples counseling, via platforms like BetterHelp, could rebuild trust if resentment lingers. This balances family fairness with relationship warmth, proving traditions can bend without breaking.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit stormed in like a summer squall, dishing out shade and solutions for this cabin clash. From slamming the fee as inhospitable to urging a guest exemption, here’s the raw scoop:

[Reddit User] − YTA. She's perfectly within her rights not to want to spend 200-400 dollars for a weekend at a shared, broken down cabin. It's not her family's property, she has no emotional attachments to it, and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up.

telepathicathena − YTA, she's your guest, not a family member who agreed to pay into the communal fund. Paying $200-400 to stay in a s**tty cabin for a weekend with a bunch of strangers is an absurd ask.

ADVERTISEMENT

ThomasEdmund84 − YTA - why on earth are you pinging GF for the ANNUAL FEE when obviously at this stage she would be a guest of the family only staying for a big family weekend??. ​ Sure down the track if you both expect to use as intended going forward then yep annual fee. OMG WTF

Ok_Yesterday_6214 − YTA, you are not renting the cabin out, you are contributing to your family's accomodations. She, on the other hand is a guest, not family yet (and with all this may not even be your girlfriend for too long), so it isn't fair to ask her to contribute to smth that is your family's gain, not hers.

You either had to exclude her out of the payment plan for this year at least or untill you go fiancee or wife level so she'll be contributing to her future family accomodations, or pay for her from your own pocket if your family insists on paying her share. Inviting her over and then asking to pay for smth your family will keep in the end is not okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

VoyagerVII − YTA. You invited her -- as your *guest* -- and then only brought up the cost of an annual fee (for somebody who has no way of knowing whether or not they're ever going to be invited back again, or would want to go if they were) after she'd said yes. What she thought she was saying yes to was an*offer of hospitality*.

Nobody is asked to pay for those. If there are associated costs, the host who invited you pays your way. What you should have done was to arrange for a plan up front with the rest of your family that included a guest policy.

Example: everyone in the family shall be, as part of their own yearly dues, permitted to invite one guest per year without cost (or more than one, as the family consensus agrees). That guest is responsible for nothing except participating in basic chores on an equal basis with other visitors to the cabin at the time.

ADVERTISEMENT

If anyone new wishes to become a member, at the invitation of an existing member, that person must first be a guest. During their stay as a guest, the whole agreement among members and all policies surrounding the use of the cabin will be explained.

If the potential new member has no objections to any of these, and the current membership approves their admittance, they'll be a member after their initial visit is over. That way, each new prospect gets hospitality once, first, in order to see what it's like there and meet the other people who go there.

They can find out what they think of the whole thing before committing their money. They also know about the money long before they are expected to say either yes or no about it, so they can decide based on real information about the place, and without a time crunch or pressure from their partner who wants them to be able to go in order to meet the family.

ADVERTISEMENT

Or you can set any of a range of other ways to handle the option for members to invite guests. But you can't reasonably blame your GF for being annoyed that she was told she was being invited as a guest, and only found out afterwards that she was expected to pay several times the cost of a hotel, just for the privilege.

[Edit] Oh yes, and one thing I missed: you need to set a *fixed* annual fee. Make it a little more than is typically necessary to cover the annual maintenance costs, and then put the extra in a bank account for the purpose of covering the occasional extras like replacing the roof when it gets soggy.

That way you don't have to accept that the annual amount bounces around radically from year to year, with no way for members to know what to expect next year. When you need to raise the annual cost due to inflation, you either have a reliable, set percentage by which it goes up every year, so members can count on that;

ADVERTISEMENT

or else make decisions about increases by a meeting of members, who decide collectively what it will go up to, but have the new price take effect at least one more full yearly cycle in the future. For example: it's currently July 2022, the next dues are expected on January 1, 2023,

and the new price that was agreed on in today's meeting will take effect when the next dues are expected on January 1, 2024. That way everyone has at least a year to decide whether or not they still want to participate, and can drop out without being hurried on whether they want to stay at the cost now required.

If you manage the money properly, you won't ever have to gather up more money suddenly because of a roof problem or similar emergency. You'll have the money to repair those when they come up except for the totally unexpected events, and those will likely be covered by insurance (You do have property insurance on this place, don't you?)

ADVERTISEMENT

Potential_Speech_703 − You INVITED her as your guest. You told her about this (ridiculous high) fee later, so yeah YTA. And $200-400 for a stay there is ridiculous, sorry. I'd make other plans too if I were her. And if You would tell me this, I'd think you're joking lol.

Pay this stupid fee for her or if the rule is only for family members, let her come as your guest for free. I mean it's YOUR family cabin. Maybe you guys should repair the roof and everything else at once, and divide the costs through your family members and that's it.

This way the cabin will last longer than let it mold for a year or longer.. and you've to pay this much for staying in a molding cabin?.. wow. And this only for a weekend??? You get nice places to stay where I live for this price for a week or longer lol. Why not let her pay one month of the yearly fee? So 200-400 / 12? She's only there one time a year? Or break it down through the weeks of a year...

ADVERTISEMENT

Moulin-Rougelach − YTA. The family members who plan to vacation throughout the summer pay a fee to cover ongoing maintenance for the family cabin.. A single visit guest of a family member should not be charged the fee.

Do you charge both parts of married couples the fee? If so, then if you and she marry, and she enters the family, the two of you would pay a double fee.. Charging your girlfriend when she is coming to meet the family for the first time is outrageous.

Johnny-Fakehnameh − 'as she is someone I'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with' Don't hold your breath.. YTA. She's your guest, not your tenant.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − YTA - if she's paying the 'annual membership fee' and not just coming on a 'guest pass' then she should be guaranteed access for the year. Oh, she has no reasonable expectation to ever be invited back to the cabin? Then STFU with 'annual fees'.

That's a fee levied against people who use it regularly and who have a vested interest (emotional, financial, whatever) in the owners not selling. She has no stake in the cabin. She has no expectation that she'll ever use it again. She has literally no reason to invest in your grandparent's not selling.

I'm also 90% sure if she's going to spend $200-400 she would prefer a place that isn't 'dated,' or undergoing renovations, that she won't have to share with a bunch of relative strangers, and that isn't going to have a roof leak if there's a surprise summer storm.

ADVERTISEMENT

You (or your family, idk who is pushing for this) are incredibly entitled if you think she wants to spend that much to stay at a run down cabin whose only redeeming quality is that it holds a lot of sentimental memories for you.

It sounds like you (or the grandparents?) Are trying to make a dime off of your girlfriend to subsidize future vacations. You want your GF to meet your family? Host a dinner. Maybe multiple if not everyone can make it.

Or just introduce her to your parents and then bring her with you to future free family events, like normal people.. Asking her to contribute towards your family vacation home is BS and you know it. EDIT TO ADD: You're expecting her to pay up to $400 for the privilege of meeting your family. You realize that's dumb right?

ADVERTISEMENT

fatsoq8 − You make your guests pay tobuse the cabin? Yta of course. If she pays the annual fee does that me she can use the cabin herself alone?

Redditors largely sided with the girlfriend, calling the fee absurd for a one-off guest and the man’s stance entitled. Some suggested he cover her cost, while others questioned the cabin’s appeal for the price. Are these takes a fair ruling, or do they miss the family’s financial strain?

This cabin conundrum shows how family rules can trip up even the best intentions. The man’s push for his girlfriend to pay a hefty fee turned a warm invite into a cold transaction, risking their summer and beyond. As Reddit calls for hospitality over hard cash, the story challenges us to balance tradition with tact. Have you ever faced a surprise cost that soured a family invite? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this guy’s shoes?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *