AITA for telling my brother I don’t give a s**t about him?

A woman’s attempt to keep the peace with her long-lost half-brother, reconnected after his adoption, crumbles when their stark ideological differences—exposed during the 2020 pandemic—resurface. After two years of silence, his push for family ties and a meme spark a polite rebuff from her, only for his denigrating rant to provoke her to say she “doesn’t give a s**t” about him. When he shares this with their mother, who demands an apology, the woman stands firm, prioritizing her peace over forced kinship. The fallout tests family bonds, raising questions of obligation and authenticity.

This isn’t just about a text—it’s a clash of values, choice, and family ties. Her words were raw, but were they wrong? Readers are hooked: should she apologize, or hold her ground? The family drama demands a verdict.

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‘AITA for telling my brother I don’t give a s**t about him?’

This woman shared her sibling standoff on Reddit, detailing her brother’s outreach and the fiery exchange that followed. Here’s her original post, unpacking the tense rift.

My Mom was barely 18 in the early 70s when she had her first child and she gave him up for adoption. He found her through an Ancestry site in 2019 and they got to know each other. I was her late life surprise, so there is an 18 year age gap between my brother and I. I'm a 35F.

Fast forward to March 2020 and the panini hit, and we found out the hard way that we are on far different sides of any sort of political/ideological spectrum and his entire family stopped talking to me, but would sporadically message our Mom. I realized I didn't really miss anything about him or his family, so I was just happy they talked to her.

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He reached out a few weeks ago, sent me a meme. I browsed his social media, realized that nothing would change, and just ignored it.. Last night, he sent me a long rant about how 'we're family' and that I should at least respond.

So I sent him a nice message back that I hadn't heard from him in 2 years, that I thought our moral and political ideologies were just too big of a gap to bridge, and that I hoped he and his family stayed well, and to have a nice life.

He sent me back a long message, which then started openly denigrating my atheism and political beliefs, so I finally just sent a message back asking him to leave me alone because I just didn't give a s**t about him before I blocked him.

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He sent the message to our Mom and she absolutely lost her s**t. She said he is crushed that I said that and she refuses to believe it. I shrugged and told her it was on her if she didn't believe the truth. Now she's barely speaking to me, and she demands I apologize.

TL;DR: I told my brother that I didn't give a s**t about him after being pressed. My Mom's upset and wants me to apologize, I refuse to apologize for the truth.

Family ties don’t mandate connection, especially when values clash irreconcilably. The woman’s half-brother, reconnected after adoption, showed disrespect by denigrating her atheism and politics after she politely declined a relationship due to their 2020 fallout. Her blunt “I don’t give a s**t” was a reaction to his aggression, not unprovoked, and her refusal to apologize reflects her right to curate her relationships. The mother’s demand for reconciliation ignores her autonomy and the brother’s role, while his tattling to their mom, as Reddit noted, seems manipulative.

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This mirrors challenges in navigating rediscovered family. A 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that ideological divides often strain newly formed familial bonds, particularly when one party disregards boundaries. The brother’s insistence on “family” despite minimal history and clear differences oversteps.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman says, “Family is built on mutual respect, not obligation; forcing connection breeds resentment” . His insight validates her boundary, though a calmer final message might have avoided escalating family tension. The mother’s reaction suggests denial of the rift’s depth.

The woman should calmly explain her stance to her mother, emphasizing her need for respect, and maintain her block on her brother unless he shows genuine change. The mother needs to respect her choice without guilting her.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit dove into this family feud with takes as sharp as a blocked contact. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even sibling rifts need a chuckle.

mdthomas − NTA. You're all adults. You can choose who you want to socialize with. The fact that you have the same mother is irrelevant.

Jerratt24 − NTA. I love how you handled it because I believe it's literally what I would do in the same situation. A 50 year old man dobbing to his mum...that's all you really need to know.

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almondsandrice69 − I love how conservatives are the only ones who say you shouldn't be ending friendships over political beliefs. I stopped hanging out with my high school friend group once I snapped out of that Ben Shapiro-nonsense stage. NTA.

chill_stoner_0604 − So I sent him a nice message back that I hadn't heard from him in 2 years, that I thought our moral and political ideologies were just too big of a gap to bridge, and that I hoped he and his family stayed well, and to have a nice life. NTA you politely said what you thought. It's better than devolving into screaming matches over family dinners. He was incredibly rude with his response.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Just because you are blood related means....actually nothing. You have absolytely nothing in common. He is a bully. You are 35 and can decide whether or not you want to apologize (good for you for not apologizing). This is none of your mother's business. This is between you and him. When she brings it up again, just say, 'this is not open for discussion'....period.

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anonymooseuser6 − The idea that you met when you were 32 and he was... 50 and within a year he was being a d**k and when you were polite he insulted you. Gosh what is there to care about?. I only put up with people's crappy values if they have redeeming qualities regardless of biology.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are not obligated to have any sort of a relationship with him. And your mother has no right to push that relationship onto you. She gave him up for adoption for crying out loud!

If she wants him back in her life that's on her, but you are a grown woman that is not obligated to socialize with so called 'blood relatives' just because your parent forces you to. She needs to apologize to you for that.

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nothingclever4now − NTA. You are not obligated to stay in touch just because you happen to be related. Family is however you wish to define it. None of us are required to associate with people with whom we have deeply moral differences. He has an issue with you being athiest. Fine, but that's his problem.

He pressed you too far with his final communication. I hope your mom eventually sees your side in this. Your relationship with her is the only one in this scenario that you should care about. I too have distanced myself from people who are hard core right wingers.

It's not about politics at this point. And while many of my friends are religious, every one of them respects that I am athiest. If they didn't, we would not be friends. Some don't understand it, and that's okay.

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Senator_Bink − NTA. What was his plan by running to mom with that message? Is he trying to drive a wedge between the two of you?

UnsubProxy − NTA. This isn't some deep and indelible bond you're severing. You've known the guy for three years, two of which he apparently ignored you. Just because you're blood-related to someone doesn't necessarily mean you're family and it definitely doesn't mean you have to include them in your life, especially if they're going to be disrespectful of you and your beliefs.

These Reddit quips are spicy, but do they text the truth? Was the woman’s blunt dismissal a fair boundary, or too harsh a cut?

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This woman’s clash with her half-brother is a raw tale of freedom versus forced family. Her sharp words, sparked by his insults and backed by Reddit’s nod to autonomy, reject a bond that never took root, but her mother’s hurt clouds the fallout. As she holds her ground, one question looms: can she mend ties with her mom without bending? What would you do when a relative demands closeness despite deep divides? Share your stories and weigh in on this fiery drama!

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