AITA not forgiving my sister despite her coming out a horrible marriage?

A woman’s trust shatters when her sister, Addy, shares a deeply personal trauma with her husband, who mocks her, followed by a vicious text—sent by him but from her phone—saying she deserved it. Five years later, after cutting Addy off, the woman faces parental pressure to reconcile, as Addy escapes an abusive marriage. Unmoved by her sister’s plight and unapologetic stance, she holds her ground, even threatening to sever ties with her parents. The wound of betrayal festers, raising questions of forgiveness and loyalty.

This isn’t just about family—it’s a clash of trust, trauma, and accountability. Her resolve is unwavering, but is it too harsh? Readers are hooked: should she forgive her sister, or protect her peace? The family drama demands a verdict.

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‘AITA not forgiving my sister despite her coming out a horrible marriage?’

This woman shared her painful estrangement on Reddit, detailing her sister’s betrayal and her refusal to reconcile. Here’s her original post, unpacking the raw conflict.

I cut my sister Addy off five years ago, after I found out she told her husband (Kip) about a traumatic experience. Kip brought it up at some point and joked that I attract drama.

I told them to leave and blocked her on everything. I can't say what the incident was, on here, because it got blocked before.

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But it involved drunk men and things I am still in therapy for.  I told Addy that I never wanted to speak to her again. She sent me a scathing text message about how I was a b-word and deserved what happened. It was 100% Kip on her phone, but I blocked them both and told my family I was done trying to make it work..

Kip ended up leaving Addy, and they divorced. Addy has tried to speak to people in our family and the only people speaking to her are cousins, our aunt, and my parents. My brother knows what happened to me and refuses to speak to Addy for telling Kip.

My parents have asked that I speak to her. I told them that I would cut them off if they tried to force this. I didn't care if Addy was in a scary marriage, she should never have told him about it.... AITA?

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Betrayal over trauma is a deep cut, and this woman’s decision to maintain distance from her sister is a valid act of self-preservation. Addy’s choice to share a private, traumatic experience with Kip, who weaponized it, breached trust irreparably, especially with the follow-up text—likely from Kip but unaddressed by Addy—blaming the victim. Addy’s lack of apology, as Reddit notes, and her abusive marriage don’t erase her agency in the betrayal. The parents’ push for reconciliation dismisses the woman’s pain, risking further alienation.

This reflects the lasting impact of violated confidences. A 2023 study in Journal of Traumatic Stress found that sharing a survivor’s trauma without consent often deepens their sense of violation, hindering healing. Addy’s actions align with this, compounding the original harm.

Trauma therapist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says, “Healing requires safety; forcing reconciliation with unrepentant betrayers re-traumatizes”. His insight supports the woman’s boundary, though a mediated talk—if Addy shows genuine remorse—might clarify intent. The parents’ interference ignores the gravity of the breach.

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The woman should continue therapy to process her trauma and hold her boundary unless Addy offers sincere accountability. The parents need to respect her autonomy.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit dove into this family rift with takes as sharp as a broken bond. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even deep wounds need a chuckle.

fluffsnail − NTA. sure it might've been a controlling relationship but that's not an excuse for her to be sharing your traumatic experiences with him. They aren't hers to share.

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peanutbuttertango − NTA. She broke your trust and if you can't move forward with her in your life then keep her out.

[Reddit User] − NTA. The one thing abuse does not excuse is being an abuser to others.

FelixandFigaro − NTA no one forced her to share a traumatic experience involving you. I also agree about your stance with your parents. Them trying to pressure you in talking to her is a lack of loyalty toward you. Stick to your guns OP. And be happy you have a brother taking your side. I was left with no one.

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sezit − NTA. She not only exposed you to an attack from him, she told you you deserved it! The exposure of your a**ault was horrible, but to me her bigger sin was attacking you for being attacked. She is a bad person. You owe her nothing, certainly not another opportunity to hurt you on purpose. She needs to work out her issues without your help.

ExcitingChange2007 − INFO: Has she tried to apologize in any way?

ProfPlumDidIt − NTA. Your sister made choices, and those choices have had consequences. She has to live with those consequences.

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majorannah − NTA. Your feelings are valid too.

ObviouslyObsessed18 − NTA. Given the information in your comments this wasn't something that would have come up, or that he could have seen a text about. It was something that happened before she even met Kip and she had no reason to be talking about it. She made that choice..

Also, she's never expressed any remorse, let alone apologize to you, instead she makes excuses. She doesn't sound like someone I would really want in my life either. And you have made it clear that you just don't feel comfortable with her given the past and that is totally understandable.

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StunnedinTheSuburbs − NTA. And if Addy wants to come to you, she will. Your parents shouldn’t be interfering in this as you are both adults. You are NTA if you can’t forgive Addy, but this is very separate from your post where your family wants you to approach her: completely not their place or appropriate in this situation.

These Reddit quips are fierce, but do they heal the truth? Was the woman’s refusal to forgive a justified stand, or too rigid given her sister’s struggles?

This woman’s estrangement from her sister is a searing saga of trust shattered and boundaries upheld. Refusing to forgive Addy for exposing her trauma, she stands firm against parental pressure, backed by Reddit’s call for self-protection but haunted by family fractures. As Addy’s divorce adds complexity, one question looms: can trust ever mend? What would you do when a sibling betrays your deepest pain? Share your stories and weigh in on this raw drama!

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