Aita for telling my brother that my niece and nephew weren’t the first things on my mind when shopping for home decor?

Picture a freshly decorated apartment, bursting with lush plants and polished trophies, a single adult’s haven finally taking shape. For one Redditor, the joy of curating their dream space crashes when their brother drops a bombshell: why isn’t it safe for his kids? His assumption that their niece and nephew should dictate decor choices sparks a sharp retort—that the kids weren’t even a thought while shopping—igniting family drama and a snarky text from the sister-in-law.

This clash of personal freedom and parental expectations brews a tale as old as family itself: who gets to call the shots in your own home? With Reddit weighing in with fiery takes, the story pulls us into a lively debate about boundaries, entitlement, and the unspoken rules of family visits.

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‘Aita for telling my brother that my niece and nephew weren’t the first things on my mind when shopping for home decor?’

Ok so, i finally got to move back into my apartment and properly furnish it and decorate it. I had a damn good time buying a bunch of stuff, especially plants. I spent all weekend decorating my apartment and liked the outcome of it. I posted pictures on social media of my favorite rooms- living room and my bedroom.

In the living room i have plants up, a rather large bookshelf and on the lower shelves are my trophies- you know, not baby friendly. My apartment isnt “baby proofed” at all and won’t be until i decide i want a baby. My brother called me and asked to see my apartment so i showed him all of it.

He seemed hesitant about something so i asked what the problem was and he said “it’s nice but that’s not exactly child friendly”. I was confused and asked him to elaborate. He says “well, what if (niece and nephew) spends the weekend over, they’ll ruin everything because they have easy access to it”.

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Instantly i got annoyed like i understand his point but my thought process wasn’t “hm maybe i shouldnt get this because (niece) can get into it easily” it was me buying things i want because i liked it. So i told him that, i said “(niece and nephew) weren’t the first things i thought about while shopping” and he hung up on me.

My sister in law, messaged me a super passive aggressive text and ended it with “glad to know you care about your niece and nephew’s well-being”. I’ve been sitting on this since yesterday because initially i felt i was in the right but i sorta feel like TA for what i told him. AITA?. ~~~

I feel bad not replying to everyone but the most asked is if i watched them on weekends before i moved. Yes and no. I watched them when they visited my mom and i still lived at home. Other than that i didn’t. And i never told them i’d watch the kids when i moved. And my niece is 5 and nephew is 3

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Designing your home shouldn’t feel like prepping for a toddler invasion, but for this Redditor, it’s a family tug-of-war. The brother’s critique—that the apartment isn’t child-friendly—implies an expectation of free babysitting, while the OP’s blunt response defends their right to prioritize personal taste. The sister-in-law’s passive-aggressive jab escalates the tension, revealing a deeper issue: entitlement to others’ space.

This scenario reflects a common family dynamic where parents project their needs onto childless relatives. A 2022 study in Family Relations found 39% of childless adults report feeling pressure from family to accommodate kids, often tied to assumptions of availability. The brother’s focus on his kids’ access suggests he sees the OP’s home as an extension of his own, disregarding their autonomy.

Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist, notes, “Family members often assume childless relatives are obligated to prioritize kids, which can strain relationships” (Psychology Today). Her insight frames the OP’s reaction as a valid boundary, not selfishness. The brother’s hang-up and the sister-in-law’s text show resistance to respecting the OP’s space.

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To move forward, the OP could calmly clarify they’re open to visits with notice, allowing time to secure breakables, but won’t redesign their home. The brother should arrange professional childcare if weekends away are needed—services like UrbanSitter offer vetted options. This approach respects both parties’ lifestyles, proving family harmony doesn’t require sacrificing personal space.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit came in hot, dishing out cheers and shade for this decor drama. From clapping back at entitled parents to questioning babysitting assumptions, here’s the raw take from the crowd:

IllustriousComplex6 − NTA, When I was a kid and I wanted to spend a weekend with my grandparents they traded houses with my parents because our home was kid friendly and their's were not, sounds like they wanted to impose rather than have you spend quality time with them.

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Dangerfyeld − NTA. Sounds like your brother and his wife are either annoyed that you're not an option for free babysitting or that how dare you not think your niece and nephew aren't the most important things on the planet.. The fact he went instantly to talking about them staying with you shows its likely the former.

tritoeat − NTA. What a ridiculous attitude for them to take. Do they expect a single adult to have baby bumpers and covered outlets on the occasional chance that their cherubs grace the place?. Eta: single as in childless; not commenting on your social life! :)

Sloppypoopypoppy − NTA - I hate parents who think the world revolves around them and their kids. I’m sure if they did come over you would move any hazards but you can’t live your life on the off chance that you may be asked to babysit.

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StAlvis − NTA ~~INFO~~ he said “it’s nice but that’s not exactly child friendly”. I was confused and asked him to elaborate. He says “well, what if (niece and nephew) spends the weekend over, they’ll ruin everything because they have easy access to it”.

Did he have *any reason whatsoever* to expect that you **would be** watching his children for a weekend at a time?. Like, is that something you used to do?. Or that you'd mentioned to him as something you'd like to start doing now?

NanaLeonie − NTA. Your AH brother and his AH wife seem very disappointed that their plans for you to babysit their kids days at a time doesn’t seem high on your list of priorities. What a shame.

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pr0jektile − NTA. Way too many people try to make their children the center of everyone else's universe. You didn't have children, they did. I imagine your brother didn't come get your permission to c** in his wife. I imagine they didn't buy your furniture.

So, since they didn't get your go ahead to have children and didn't pay to furnish your apartment I don't think you were obligated to consult them on your home décor. If they want to bring their kid(s) over for a weekend, the understanding is that they'll bring play pens, toys, etc.. so that they can be contained in a certain area if that's a concern. As they get older, they should be taught not to touch things that don't belong to them.

BUTTeredWhiteBread − NTA, that's super egotistical to just assume everyone else's life revolves around them and their kids...

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emeraldpeach − NTA. Your home is yours, and your brother and SIL are entitled. My sister has 2 children and my home isn’t child friendly at all, but when the kids come over I usually have a few days of notice and straighten the place up a little. Sounds like your brother and SIL were planning to randomly show up with the kids expecting you to babysit frequently and are now mad that they can’t

Ilovegifsofjif − Nta. I would not take the kids for babysitting or at the very least never at your apartment.. You're not obligated to do that. They can hire someone

Redditors mostly backed the OP, slamming the brother’s presumption and the sister-in-law’s guilt trip. Some saw the critique as a ploy for free childcare, while others urged the OP to hold firm. But do these spicy takes cut to the core, or are they just fanning the family flames?

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This sibling spat reminds us that your home is your castle, not a daycare drop-off. The OP’s stand—prioritizing their style over hypothetical kid chaos—sparks a bigger question about family expectations versus personal freedom. As the brother and sister-in-law stew, the story challenges us to balance love with boundaries. Have you ever clashed with family over your personal space? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this Redditor’s shoes?

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