AITA for telling my parents to stop expecting my wife to babysit for them or we’re not coming at all?

The clatter of board games and baby bottles fills a family visit, but for one couple, the warmth of reunion sours fast. When a husband and his wife, juggling a newborn and a toddler, arrive to share their kids with grandparents, they’re blindsided by an old habit: the assumption that the wife, once a babysitter, will drop everything to watch her brother-in-law. Her husband’s fed-up ultimatum—stop treating her like hired help or no more visits—ignites a family firestorm.

This tale of loyalty and exasperation brews a relatable clash of expectations, where love for family battles the need for respect. As the Reddit community cheers and chides, the story pulls us into a messy truth: sometimes, standing up for your spouse means drawing a hard line with those closest to you.

‘AITA for telling my parents to stop expecting my wife to babysit for them or we’re not coming at all?’

Family visits shouldn’t feel like a nanny contract, but for this couple, it’s a recurring script. The husband’s parents lean on his wife, Michelle, as if her babysitting days never ended, ignoring her new reality as a mother of two. His ultimatum—no visits until the requests stop—is a bold boundary, but their “habit” excuse and focus on their own needs show a lack of respect for her role as family, not staff.

This dynamic reflects broader family tensions around outdated roles. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues notes 48% of young parents report in-laws imposing unfair expectations, often tied to gender or past roles. Here, the parents’ reliance on Michelle may stem from seeing her as “the help” rather than an equal, possibly tinged with subconscious sexism, as they don’t ask the husband to step in.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, advises, “Healthy boundaries in families require mutual respect and clear communication” . His insight suggests the parents need to acknowledge Michelle’s shifted role. The husband’s stand is a protective move, not punishment, but their defensiveness blocks progress.

To resolve this, the couple could propose a family meeting to clarify expectations, emphasizing Michelle’s current responsibilities. The parents should explore local babysitting services—many cities offer affordable options through platforms like Care.com. This shift respects the couple’s time while preserving family ties, showing boundaries can strengthen, not sever, relationships.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up applause and sharp takes on this family feud. From praising the husband’s backbone to roasting the parents’ gall, here’s the unfiltered scoop:

Redditors rallied behind the couple, hailing the husband’s defense of his wife and calling the parents’ behavior manipulative. Some saw the “appointment” as a deliberate trap, while others urged a permanent end to babysitting favors. But do these fiery opinions nail the issue, or are they just stoking the flames?

This family saga shows how old habits can sour new bonds, turning a joyful visit into a standoff. The husband’s line in the sand—respect his wife or miss out—highlights the cost of taking loved ones for granted. As grandparents face losing time with their grandkids, the story asks us to weigh duty against fairness. Have you ever had to set a tough boundary with family? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this couple’s shoes?