My fiancé pushed my brother into a pond and my family is boycotting my wedding?

A warm evening at her parents’ home promised a joyful family photo after a birthday dinner. For a 23-year-old bride-to-be, it was a rare moment of togetherness, until her drunk brother’s antics turned the night sour.

His crude remarks and a sudden threatening gesture toward her triggered her fiancé’s swift reaction, sending her brother tumbling into a pond. Now, with her family boycotting her wedding over a “ruined” suit, she’s caught between love for her fiancé and frustration with her family’s favoritism, setting up a tale of loyalty and tension.

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‘My fiancé pushed my brother into a pond and my family is boycotting my wedding?’

I understand when I put it like that (the title) it does sound bad.. But hear me out.. I'm 23F and my fiancé is 25M. My brother is 28M.. My brother is an abrasive person to say the least. I am East Asian and I only mention my ethnicity because I genuinely feel that some of this is a cultural issue, where my brother being the older male child, gets all the slack in the world. He is very much favored.

It was after we went to dinner with my family to celebrate my mom's birthday. My parents invited us back to their place (where my brother still lives at home). We went out to the backyard to take a family photo. My mom wanted to change her clothes first so she went to go do that. I don't remember where my dad was (probably on the toilet lol)..

My fiancé, brother (obviously drunk), and myself were standing outside.. My brother received a dating app notification. It was loud and it was Grindr. No one acknowledged it or cared, but my brother chose to make a comment. He said something like 'I'm just trying something new because I'm curious.

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You know how it is' and nudged my fiancé. My fiancé raised a brow. My brother added 'being in the military and all, you experimented right?' My fiancé just replied with: 'Wrong'. My brother then said something like 'You give off toxic top energy'.

My fiancé ignored the comment and I was just annoyed at this point so I replied: Who talks like that? What is wrong with you? My brother then made a sudden gesture of raising his arm as if to hit me (backhand) and on instinct, I just flinched and closed my eyes.

Unfortunately, my fiancé's instinct was to block my brother in that same moment and because my brother had drank quite a bit, he staggered backward into my dad's pond. My brother has exaggerated the story in his favor and is now loudly boycotting my wedding (and has convinced my parents to do so as well)

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because I refuse to let my fiancé pay for my brother's expensive custom suit that is supposedly ruined beyond repair.. I am pretty sure he can just dry-clean it.. I love my parents but I'm sick of how blindly they back my brother up.

Am I being petty? My aunt told me to pick my battles, that this isn't a time to hold a grudge and I swear it's not wedding stress that's making me feel this way. I am just fed up with always having to absorb the damage while he gets coddled.

The fiancé’s quick push to protect his partner from a perceived threat reflects instinctual loyalty, but the brother’s exaggerated reaction and family boycott reveal deeper dynamics. The sister’s frustration stems from a pattern of favoritism, likely rooted in cultural norms prioritizing her older brother, which her parents’ support of his tantrum reinforces. Her refusal to fund a new suit signals a stand against enabling his behavior.

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This scenario reflects broader issues of family enmeshment and favoritism. A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived parental favoritism can strain sibling relationships and foster resentment, often persisting into adulthood. Here, the parents’ alignment with the brother’s narrative over a fixable suit amplifies the bride’s sense of injustice, while her brother’s provocative behavior suggests unchecked entitlement.

Dr. Susan Forward, a family dynamics expert, notes, “When parents enable one child’s bad behavior, it creates a toxic imbalance that erodes family trust”. The bride’s flinch at her brother’s gesture hints at past tensions, and her fiancé’s response was a reasonable defense, though it escalated the situation. Her parents’ boycott, however, prioritizes appeasing her brother over supporting her milestone, risking long-term estrangement.

To navigate this, the bride could set firm boundaries, calmly explaining to her parents that their absence from the wedding will have lasting consequences. A family mediator or counselor could help address favoritism patterns, fostering healthier communication. This story underscores the need to balance cultural respect with personal integrity, urging families to confront enabling behaviors to preserve unity.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s community largely backed the bride, praising her fiancé’s protective instinct and condemning her brother’s inappropriate remarks and threatening gesture. Many saw the family’s boycott as an overreaction, driven by favoritism, and urged her to prioritize her wedding’s joy over their drama, with some suggesting the suit could likely be dry-cleaned.

Commenters also criticized the parents’ blind support of the brother, viewing it as enabling his entitlement. Suggestions ranged from securing wedding plans to limiting contact with unsupportive relatives. These perspectives reflect a collective call for the bride to stand firm and focus on her future with her fiancé.

Stakex007 − Your fiancé sounds like a keeper and your family sucks.. NTA and not being petty (they are).

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BasicRabbit4 − Let them miss the wedding and save yourself the embarrassment of your brother's drunk and inappropriate behavior.. One less thing to stress over imo. Nta.

DarthKiwiChris − Social media and family group postings:. 1. So proud of my fiancé from protecting me from my brother assaulting me.. 2. So glad my drunken abusive brother isn't going to my wedding, it will be nicer for us now.. 3. Looking forward to seeing those of you who love us to see us there.. Next advixe: password all your wedding stuff

rong-rite − Tell your parents if they boycott your wedding, they boycott their grandchildren.

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SouthernMeMe_2020 − Listen friend - when they say they aren’t coming tell them not to threaten you with a good time.. You’ll be better off without them there.

Hour-Seat-7630 − Oh well, they will just have to miss it and don’t you let them see you upset because they chose not to come. Matter of fact, “just say oh well that’s your choice.” and leave it at that. I am sure your brother wants a lot of drama from it and to see you hurt, but don’t give him the satisfaction.

Sad he pulled your parents in it and they let him. Go on with your plans like nothing happened and don’t even discuss it with them, it’s their loss. This is a beautiful time in your life, don’t let anyone spoil it.

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Dry_Bowler_2837 − NTA Your brother made inappropriate remarks about your fiancé’s s** life and personality. A lot of people would have pushed him into the pond for that alone. (I would say you/fiancé would be T….A… at that point because that would be escalating.) But then he threatened you with violence.

A push to prevent your life partner from being backhanded is quite tame. On the scale of violent things, I’d say shove << backhand. If your fiancé believed your brother about to strike you, pushing him was the right move. Your brother deserves the pond. (The pond could do better though… nobody should be stuck with your brother, not even a pond.)

ImmigrationJourney2 − I wouldn’t want people like that at my wedding, even if they were family.

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Own-Writing-3687 − Don't argue with stupid. . Go ahead with your wedding.. If they all don't attend, Let them know they won't see their future grandkids.

khairus − People to keep... Fiance. People not to keep... I**ot brother. People to put on probation with the possibility of going NC in the future... Your parents. People who enable s**tty behaviour in others... Your parents,. Your aunt. People who should keep being petty and enjoy your wedding without annoying relatives... You,. Your fiance

This backyard clash reveals the weight of family loyalties tested by favoritism. The bride’s stand against her brother’s antics and her family’s boycott reflects courage, yet their absence from her wedding stings. Their story calls for honest conversations to heal rifts, ideally far from any ponds.

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Have you faced family favoritism during a big moment? Share your experiences below and let’s explore how love and fairness can mend fractured bonds in this raw, human drama.

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