AITA My Wife is “Embarrassed” of me?

A sun-soaked backyard held the promise of a relaxing pool day, where a husband hoped to host his cautious cousin. His eight-months-pregnant wife initially agreed, but swiftly reversed her stance, citing health risks, leaving him disappointed yet compliant.

Then came the twist: she announced plans to attend a friend’s lively barbecue, dismissing the same safety concerns. Leaving with their toddler, she left him alone, stung by her inconsistent standards. This clash of priorities sets up a relatable tale of frustration and unspoken tensions.

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‘AITA My Wife is “Embarrassed” of me?’

So a few weeks ago, I had asked my wife if it was OK for my cousin and his wife to come over for a pool day. She initially said yes and I told my cousin as such. The next day my wife comes up to me and says, 'You know what? I thought about it and I don't think its safe to get together with them because I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm still concerned'.

Mind you my cousin is an extreme hypochondriac and started quarantining at home 1 month before the rest of us. Anyway, I said OK and called him to cancel. The very next weekend my wife tells me that on Saturday her 'best friend' was having a barbecue at her house (They are a family of four and another family of 3 were attending) so not to make plans.

I then responded 'Well we need to be social distancing because you're 8 months pregnant and I wouldn't feel comfortable' She then proceeded to go nuclear and tell me how petty and immature I was. I calmly explained that what was true on Monday is true on Tuesday and her friends aren't any less contagious then my cousin.

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She then threatened to go alone to the BBQ and leave me alone at the house with my 2 year old daughter. I then told her that she was the one who was pregnant and she shouldn't go. When Saturday rolled around she got dressed and left. Despite my protests she also took my daughter with her leaving me alone for more than 8 hours that day.

Today she told me that shell never forget that I made her go alone to a BBQ and chase around a 2 year old by herself and that she was embarrassed of me as husband. I now ask you Reddit... Am I the a**hole?

The wife’s shift from canceling a low-risk pool day to attending a crowded barbecue reveals a jarring inconsistency. Her actions—ignoring her husband’s concerns, leaving with their toddler, and claiming “embarrassment”—suggest a struggle to balance personal desires with shared agreements, heightened by pregnancy’s emotional strain.

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This reflects a broader issue: communication breakdowns in relationships. A 2021 Gottman Institute study notes 69% of couple conflicts stem from poor communication, worsened by stress. The husband’s push for fairness clashed with her defensive outburst, hinting at deeper insecurities behind her “embarrassment” claim.

Dr. John Gottman observes, “Successful couples engage conflict with empathy and curiosity”. The husband’s logic missed an emotional connection, while her unilateral choice created a power imbalance. Both need open dialogue to realign their priorities and rebuild trust.

To move forward, they could set clear boundaries, like agreeing on social limits during pregnancy, and check in regularly. If tensions persist, couples counseling can unpack underlying issues, ensuring mutual respect. This story underscores the need for clarity over ultimatums in relationships.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s community rallied behind the husband, viewing the wife’s actions as a clear double standard. Her barbecue outing, while enforcing safety concerns on his plans, struck many as hypocritical, especially since she took their toddler, leaving him isolated for hours.

Commenters urged the husband to stand firm, some suggesting he revive the pool day to restore balance. The wife’s “embarrassment” claim was seen as a deflection, pointing to deeper issues. These candid takes highlight a collective call for fairness and communication.

The_biters − NTA - she’s being a h**ocrite.

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Thejmax − NTA, you wife definitely is. Either she didn't wanted your cousin around and should have said so, or she's applying double standards, both make her TA.

DesertEagleBennett − That's a horrible thing she did there. Told you you couldn't hang out with your friends and turned around to hang out with her own. You should've had your cousin over that day after she left. You aren't the a**hole

ibelieveintechno − Nta, your wife is seriously risking her health for a BBQ.

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debt2set − NTA. She's a h**ocrite. She wants to do what she considers fun but doesn't care about what you want to do. And you didn't make her do anything, she's a big girl and made her choice - which out you all at risk.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − NTA. Invite your cousin over for that pool day. If she still has objections, then this marriage is heading south, and you should probably see a marriage counselor.

nannylive − NTA. That is ridiculous. She is being very unfair to you and irresponsible with your children.. You should set your boundaries as a couple and stick to them.

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Veridical_Perception − NTA she told me that shell never forget that I made her go alone to a BBQ and chase around a 2 year old by herself. Well, if she wants to get petty, then you can tell her you'll never forget her hypocrisy.

But, more seriously, you need to nip this before it escalates further. Anyone with two eyes can see the blatant double standard she's set. The question is WHY did she not want your cousin to come over and why she didn't tell you the truth.

If she really is this ridiculous, there are a lot bigger problems and this is merely another example of her controlling, unreasonable behavior. Pregnancy and hormones don't even come close to explaining the untenable nature of her position.

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[Reddit User] − NTA- She literally playing the victim. Also has she ever been like this?

MabelUniverse − INFO: Can you elaborate on what the pool day entails?. - What kind of prep and care (cleaning, snacks, babysitting, etc.) are required for pool days?. - Who is responsible for those chores?. - How often are pool days?

This suburban drama reveals the fragile balance of fairness in relationships. The husband’s stand against hypocrisy was principled, but his wife’s resentment hints at unspoken tensions. Their story calls for honest talks to rebuild trust, ideally over coffee, not a crowded barbecue.

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Have you faced a partner’s contradictory choices? Share your experiences below and let’s explore how love and logic can find harmony in this messy, human moment.

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