AITA for refusing to look after my brother’s children?

Jonathan Hours
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When a medical emergency struck, a woman’s brother turned to her to watch his kids, but her packed day of dog spa visits and mall trips took precedence. Living in a spacious house with her boyfriend and beloved pets, she’s clear about her child-free stance. Yet, passing the kids to a friend without her brother’s okay ignited a family firestorm, with accusations of selfishness flying.

This isn’t just about babysitting—it’s a clash of duty versus personal freedom. Her brother’s rage and her dad’s harsh words raise the stakes: was she wrong to stick to her plans? Dive into this heated saga of family ties and tough choices.

‘AITA for refusing to look after my brother’s children?’

So me and my boyfriend live together in a fairly large rented house, despite the fact that neither of us want children. The house has 4 decently sized bedrooms, one of which is our bedroom, while one is a an office. The other two are empty. Despite the fact that that we don't have kids, we are avid pet lovers, and we own a 3 year old Rottweiler, a one year old Bulldog, as well as a 7 year old cat.

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Yesterday, my brother asked me to watch his children, since he had to go to the hospital due to his wife breaking her leg. I was the only one available at the time, so my brother dropped his children (a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl) off at our house. Unfortunately, this arrangement wasn't suitable for us, since we'd made plans to drop our dogs off at a doggy spa while we went to the mall.

I called my friend, who agreed to look after the kids (I compensated her monetarily, even though she told me there was no need to). My brother has never met this friend, but I'd never leave any child in a dangerous position. While we were at the mall, my brother calls me to ask me where we are. I told him that his kids were at my friends house.

He was furious with me, and hung up on the phone soon after. Around 30 minutes later, my friend calls to say that my brother has picked the kids up, and that he was irate, to say the least. My brother has tried to call me since, but I haven't picked up the phone, since I know he likely only wants to have an argument with me.

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Today, my dad called me to ask me why I'd chosen my 'dumb dogs' over my nephew and niece, which irritated me. I told my dad that while I feel sorry for his wife, it isn't my responsibility to drop everything and look after children that aren't even mine.

I also told him that if he's going to insult my family, then he shouldn't expect to walk me down the isle. I know my choice of words could have been kinder, however, I don't think it's fair to impose the responsibility of looking after kids on me, when I've made the decision to not have any.. AITA?

Dumping a family emergency for a dog spa day? That’s a bold move, but one that left this woman’s brother fuming. Her decision to hand off his kids to a friend—without his consent—escalated a medical crisis into a trust violation. While her child-free lifestyle is her prerogative, the abrupt drop-off of two kids (ages 9 and 7) to a stranger (to him) ignored his need for reliability in a pinch.

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This highlights a broader tension: balancing personal boundaries with family obligations. A 2024 Pew Research study found 44% of adults feel pressured to prioritize family needs over personal plans (source). Her stance—valuing her pets and schedule—clashed with her brother’s expectation of emergency support, especially since the kids were school-aged and low-maintenance.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a family dynamics expert, notes, “In crises, small acts of help build trust; dismissing them can fracture relationships” (source). The woman’s choice to delegate childcare without communication broke that trust. Her defensive snap at her dad, while heated, reflects her frustration at being judged for her lifestyle.

She could mend fences by apologizing for the misstep and discussing future emergency plans with her brother. Taking the kids to the mall, as Reddit suggested, was a viable option.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, unloading some fiery shade on this family drama. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

PoisonOfKings − YTA. Sorry your sister in law didn’t plan her leg break around your schedule? I don’t like kids, I don’t like watching kids. But if I was the ONLY person available to watch them because of a MEDICAL EMERGENCY, you bet your bippity I would. And pawning your brothers kids off to someone he’s never met before? Big nope.

I’d get your reaction if he and his wife wanted a spur of the moment date night, but you’ve basically told your whole family that you care more for the mall than you do for them during their time of need. Nice.

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SaraRainmaker − YTA - Seriously? Family helps out when there is an emergency and you chose to 'go to the mall' and leave his kids with someone he doesn't know. **The a**hole is strong with you.**

fatsoq8 − What does the sizE of your house have to do with watching your niece and nephew for a couple of hours, it's not like he asked you to take them in forever. It was a medical emergency.

I thought they were babies but they are 9 and 7 you can actually take them with you to the mall without any inconvenience to you, just let them walk or run in front of you. 9&7 year olds are independent kids and you don't have to be a helicoper aunt while they are with you. Your selfish and entitled. Yta.

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whatthefuuuudge − YTA So as a parent I 100% agree with your brothers emotions. If you couldn't take his children you should have said so upfront. Leaving kids with someone who is a stranger to the parents with out permission is real messed up, also why could you not bring the kids with you to the mall? Or ya know just not go to the mall?

daydream128 − YTA. It isn't like he asked you to babysit while he and his wife went on a date night. She was in the ***hospital***. He thought he could rely on you in an emergency and you responded by giving his children to a total stranger (to him) and going to the mall.

You've proven that you won't support your family in a crisis. I'm not surprised he was furious. You were a huge a**hole. I don't have children or nieces or nephews, but heck if one of my neighbours showed up and asked me to babysit for a few hours while they went to the hospital, I'd rearrange my doggy spa.

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VonShtupp − YTA Seriously, even taking the whole 'it's family' out of this equation, if someone genuinely needs help, how f**king hard is it to choose to watch mostly self sufficient children over going to the mall?DO you get that now no one, and I mean NO ONE will ever help you out in an emergency. Like not just family, but most people who hear about this.

Sneaky__Fox85 − Jesus, YTA - Your doggy spa day and shopping at the mall are more valuable to you than helping your brother during an emergency. You sound like a terribly selfish, self-obsessed person.

CocoButtsGoNuts − Info: when your brother asked you to watch his kids, what was your response? Did he drop them off unannounced without permission or did you agree to it? Edit: since OP is being dodgy with details YTA.

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You chose to accept the children and didn't voice any discontent to your brother. Turning around and then putting the children in the care of someone else is s**tty.. You're also the a**hole for such a cliche 'child free bad, women selfish' troll.

hellosweetie1 − YTA.. Not going to the mall is not dropping EVERYTHING. I don’t have kids either, but I WOULD drop everything to watch my nephew if my BIL had to go to the hospital… that’s what family does. They aren’t even little kids, you could have brought them to the mall with you.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Are you serious? You *both* “needed” to take your dogs to the spa and go shopping at the mall? Why couldn’t one of you go? Or have the friend go with one of you and walk one of the dogs in. This was an emergency situation. You’re acting like he did this on a whim. You left his kids with a stranger (to him and the kids) because of a spa appointment? Wow.

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These hot takes sizzle, but do they capture the full picture? Was the woman’s mall run a selfish dodge, or a fair boundary?

This babysitting saga swapped family duty for a pet-pampering spree, leaving bonds strained and tempers flared. The woman’s choice to sidestep her brother’s kids in a crisis wasn’t just about time—it was a loud stance on her child-free life. But with her brother’s trust shaken, the fallout begs the question: where’s the line between self-care and family? Ever faced a family favor you couldn’t swing? Drop your story below and keep this convo alive!

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