AITA for not making dinner even though I promised to and getting pissed when my gf called me out on it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine juggling a high-stakes work meeting while your girlfriend bangs on the door, demanding the dinner you promised but couldn’t cook. That’s the chaos Tom, a work-from-home guy, faced when a pipe burst forced him to crash at his girlfriend’s spotless apartment. Her OCD-driven need for routine clashed with his work crisis, leading to a blowout that sent him packing to a hotel. Now, she’s calling him a “jerk,” and he’s fuming. Was Tom wrong to snap, or was her meltdown too much?

Tom’s Reddit AITA post is a sizzling stew of love, mental health, and broken promises, with a side of workplace pressure. Reddit’s dishing out verdicts faster than a takeout order, and they’re not siding with the girlfriend. Let’s stir the pot and dive into this dinner drama that’s got everyone hungry for answers.

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‘AITA for not making dinner even though I promised to and getting pissed when my gf called me out on it?’

My girlfriend is diagnosed with OCD. She is medicated and in therapy. She tells me that it used to worse before and she is doing so much better now. One thing she absolutely doesn't compromise on is her apartment. She cleans it in schedule. She cooks and does the dishes on time. She loves my cooking.

Most of the times, I pack her leftovers so she doesn't have worry about cooking or cleaning. The pipes burst in my apartment and the landlord needed a few days to fix the pipes and the floors. Landlord paid me a week's hotel pay, but my gf insisted I should save the money by staying with her.

We have been together a year and this could be a trial run for us moving together in the future. So, I agreed. She had a lot of rules about cleanliness. I am a pretty clean person too, so those were not that hard to accomodate. Things were fine and everybody were happy.

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However, one day, I was supposed to make dinner and I had to fix a critical problem at work. So I sent her a text (she didn't pick up my calls) saying that I cannot make dinner and that she should either cook or bring takeout (I work from home, she does not).

I am in a meeting with my boss, my boss's boss and my entire team and she keeps banging on my door saying that I promised to make dinner. I muted myself and opened the door and spoke to her. She didn't see that text and she insists that I have to cook dinner. I told her that no, I was in a meeting and went back.

She kept banging the door. I was so embarrassed and mad that I ended up just packing my bag and leaving to the nearest hotel without a word and continued my work there and spent the night there. The next day she kept saying that I was a jerk and slacker. She told everyone that I promised to cook her dinner and flaked.

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This made me more pissed and we got into a fight. She told me that it is not wrong to expect what was promised. She likes to plan ahead and have a schedule and I shouldn't make promises if i cannot keep them. I told her that s**t happens and I cannot always plan every second of my life.

My friends are on her side and think I should have done something to calm her down instead of locking myself away. They told me that I knew she likes routine and disrupted it and discarding her hurt feeling. I don't think I am the a**hole here.. Aita ?

Tom’s dinner debacle highlights a clash of priorities under pressure. His girlfriend’s OCD fuels her need for routine, but her door-banging tantrum during his critical meeting crossed a line from distress to disruption. Tom’s exit to a hotel, while heated, was a reaction to feeling cornered, not a rejection of her condition. This isn’t just about a meal—it’s about managing expectations in a crisis.

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Psychologist Dr. Steven Hayes, an expert in OCD, notes, “Flexibility is key in relationships with mental health challenges; rigid demands can strain bonds” . Her public shaming of Tom as a “slacker” only escalated the rift.

Tom should initiate a calm talk, using Dr. Hayes’s “defusion” technique: acknowledge her feelings (“I see how the change upset you”) while setting boundaries (“I need work time respected”). She might benefit from therapy tweaks to handle disruptions. Both could plan backup routines, like takeout options, for emergencies. Tom’s not the villain, but empathy and communication are his next course.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew piled in like a buffet rush, serving up support and shade for Tom’s hotel escape. It’s a virtual diner where everyone’s got a hot take, and the spice is flowing. Here’s the raw scoop:

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JQMuggins − NTA Consider yourself lucky to have glimpse of your potential future.

Kevin7650 − NTA. Lots of people like to use the fact that they have a mental condition as an excuse for s**tty behavior. The truth is you can be mentally ill and an a**hole at the same time. At the end of the day it was only dinner, and while people with OCD may overreact when things aren’t what they’re used to (not on schedule, etc) you had a legitimate excuse. It’s not your fault she didn’t see the text.

puppyfarts99 − NTA. You had an urgent work issue, and communicated a change in the plans. If your girlfriend's OCD is so severe that she can't regulate her response to unexpected change, then she needs a lot more treatment before she's ready to live with someone.

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I find it hard to believe she'd react like this with her friends, coworkers, or boss. So reflect on why she thought it was ok to react this way with you. Especially concerning is her telling your friends a one sided account of the conflict.

Fangs_McWolf − NTA. Make sure the friends are aware that you were in a job related meeting, meaning that you had no choice but to be in it, and that you didn't know about the meeting beforehand. Your gf needs to talk to a therapist because her OCD is obviously still in need of some work if she believes that you should risk losing your job just to cook dinner.

You made a promise that you were going to keep ***under normal circumstances***. If there had been an accident of some sort and you were in the hospital, would she still have expected you to make dinner because you promised to? What if her place had burnt down?

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If you had died, would she be shaking your corpse in anger demanding you come back to life and make dinner as promised? She needs to understand that there are times to hold someone to their promise, and then there are times to allow an exception.

You gave her plenty of notice and tried to reach her via phone call but she didn't answer. You did the best you could to alert her to the fact that you wouldn't be able to fulfill your agreement on that day. It's not like you said that you'll never cook again, just you couldn't that one time.

Kam_the_devil − NTA, I’m sympathetic to her issues but life happens and you won’t always be able to adhere to a schedule and plans fall through. You did text her as soon as you found out you couldn’t make dinner which was a good move, I don’t know what else you could have done as the thing that came up was involving your job.

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triggerhappypoptarts − NTA. she can be annoyed that her routine was interrupted but youre right, s**t changes. you not cooking ONE night isnt the end of the world. i think you delt with it just fine. she needs to move past it

poeadam − Absolutley NTA. The only complaint she might have been able to make is perhaps you could have just ordered something to be delivered yourself rather than telling her to, but when a work crisis hits sometime you just don't have the mental capacity to handle other stuff. She absolutely should have left you alone once she knew you were on call with your BOSS and HIS BOSS.

[Reddit User] − NTA. And it turns out it was a good trial run for living with her. Now you know what happens if you have to change a plan even a little bit.

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Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. Yes, you made a promise, but you had an issue at work that required your immediate attention. You tried calling, but she didn't pick up so, you let her know via text. It's not your fault that she didn't see your text.

Your gf's behavior was unreasonable and unacceptable. It is *not* your responsibility to manage your gf's mental health issues. Your gf needs to work with her therapist to find coping mechanisms for her OCD that do not include controlling the behavior of others.

You explained the situation to your gf, which was all that you could do in the moment. You have done nothing wrong here. It would not be a good idea for you to move in with her, you may want to reconsider this relationship.

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Piper6728 − NTA. its not your fault that work got in the way. Its not your fault that she doesnt pick up her phone or look at her messages when you try to reach her and explain.. Its not your fault that she apparently cant let something as small as a meal slide.. Its not your fault that she apparently lacks empathy, maturity,

and the comprehension of professionalism in the workplace. She needs to get a harsh dose of reality and learn the world cant always cater to her whims and neuroses. She needs to learn to deal, and to take it like a grown-up, instead of throwing an embarassing tantrum like a 6 year old.

Hopefully you show her this, because red flag on a future if she doesn't know how to learn and adapt to the idea that s**t happens and plans can change. She needs to learn how to compromise (if she does that, then she needs a refresher course.). Plus red flag on manipulating others with her stories instead of properly explaining.

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Redditors backed Tom, slamming his girlfriend’s overreaction while urging her to refine her OCD coping strategies. Some saw her behavior as a red flag for cohabitation. Do their takes dish out clarity, or just heat up the drama?

Tom’s dinner promise flop is a reminder that life’s curveballs test even the tightest routines. His girlfriend’s OCD amplified the stakes, but her public outburst and his hotel exit turned a hiccup into a feud. This saga resonates with anyone balancing love and unexpected chaos. What would you do when a promise clashes with a crisis? Share your thoughts and stories below!

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