AITA for telling my girlfriend that her being so “woke” embarasses me?

A lighthearted chat about fears takes a sharp turn when a man shares a childhood tale of his dad’s Scream-mask prank, only for his girlfriend to label it abusive and a seed of toxic masculinity. The room grows tense, his sister rolls her eyes, and later, in the car, he snaps, telling her that her “woke” stance embarrasses him. She fires back, hurt by his dismissal of her personality. The air crackles with unspoken questions about humor, trauma, and compatibility.

This isn’t just about a prank—it’s a clash of perspectives, feelings, and honesty. His bluntness was raw, but was it fair? Readers are hooked: did he rightly call out overreach, or did he wound her unfairly? The relationship drama demands a verdict.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for telling my girlfriend that her being so “woke” embarasses me?’

This man shared his relationship spat on Reddit, detailing his girlfriend’s reaction and his own sharp retort. Here’s his original post, unpacking the heated exchange.

We were hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend last night and we were just talking about random fears. I said I still hate the movie Scream because one night when I was seven my mom asked me to look in her closet because there was a noise and it was probably just the new puppy but closets freak her out, and my dad was out so I am the man of the house.

My dad was in the closet and scared the f**k out of me with a Scream mask, the weekend after my cousin let me watch the movie. I thought it was just a random funny story everyone would laugh at but my girlfriend took it seriously and said that was kind of abusive. I told her i never felt that way and it was just a prank.

ADVERTISEMENT

She said telling a seven year old they are the man of the house is setting them up for 'toxic masculinity' My sister just said wow and rolled her eyes, but it was kind of uncomfortable.

I told my girlfriend in the car that sometimes I think she tries to act too 'woke' and it embarasses me. She got mad and said I am making her personality seem like some image she is trying to project, but I feel like I have the right to be honest.

Casual conversations can unearth deep divides, and this one exposed a rift in values. The man’s story of his dad’s prank—scaring him at seven with a Scream mask and calling him “man of the house”—was meant as a funny anecdote, but his girlfriend saw red flags of abuse and toxic masculinity. Her concern, voiced publicly, clashed with his lighthearted intent, and his later accusation of her being “woke” escalated the hurt. His sister’s eye-roll suggests a family pattern of dismissing such critiques.

ADVERTISEMENT

This highlights tensions around gender norms and communication. A 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that differing views on gendered language, like “man of the house,” often spark conflict in couples when one perceives harm where the other sees humor. The girlfriend’s point about the phrase’s implications has merit, per child psychology research.

Relationship coach Dr. Laura Berman says, “Honesty in couples requires empathy; dismissing a partner’s concern as ‘woke’ shuts down growth”. Her insight suggests he could’ve acknowledged her view without endorsing it, while her public critique might’ve been better saved for private. Both need to navigate their differing lenses on past events.

They could discuss their values calmly to align or part ways. She should consider timing her critiques.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit jumped into this relationship tangle with takes as spicy as a horror flick jump-scare. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even couple spats need a chuckle.

bobi2393 − NAH. I think this is just a reasonable difference of opinion. It's a pretty major one, and I think that could be a tough one to overcome, but I don't think it's right to say either person is objectively correct, you just have opposing outlooks on 'wokeness' and gender issues.

I would try to ignore the posts in here that base their answer on your being right, or her being right. That's what happens in threads with a heated, controversial core issue like this. That isn't going to give you any meaningful insight about your question, that's more of an opinion survey about using the phrase 'man of the house' with kids.

ADVERTISEMENT

lecomtess − Light YTA. I don't know what these other people are on, but your girlfriend has a point. I don't know if it was outright abusive for your dad to have done this, but it's definitely not okay to use the phrase 'man of the house' with a 7-year old kid. That is setting them up for a toxic view of masculinity.

It's also definitely not funny or at all okay to scare a 7-year old for your own personal entertainment to the extent that he ends up developing a long term fear based off of the event. Your girlfriend isn't being 'woke' when she points something like this out. She cares about you and is understandably upset that you were treated poorly at such a young age by your own parents.

You attacked her for being concerned about you because you cared more about keeping up a certain image with your sister and her bf than what your girlfriend was trying to communicate with you. That makes you TA.

ADVERTISEMENT

I say light because clearly you've been raised in a family that scoffs at the mere idea of toxic masculinity and/or abuse so it makes sense why you reacted the way you did. Just apologize to your girlfriend (sincerely) and ask her more about her perspective on this/similar situations if you care about her at all.

miasabine − Going against the grain here and saying YTA. You told a story about how your parents set you up for a prank that led you to develop a life-long fear, and they did so using a concept that does indeed fall under the category of 'toxic masculinity'.

When your girlfriend expressed concern for how that affected you, as is natural for a girlfriend to do, you told her she embarrassed you and accused her of putting on an act. If you don't feel like it qualifies as abuse, you can say that without getting mean and resorting to personal attacks.

ADVERTISEMENT

ETA: Also noting that you consider what you did 'being honest' and how that's your right, but when your girlfriend was being honest about how she perceived your story, she was met with rolling eyes and accusations of essentially being fake, as well as embarrassing.

IcyIssue − NAH but your gf has a point. I would have been furious if my husband had done that to my seven year old son. That's not funny and it IS borderline abusive. You aren't 'woke' to realize this, just human.

bookynerdworm − Unless you know for a fact that she is only saying these things as a performance then you have no right to tell her she's 'acting woke' and she's right that you are trying to accuse her of projecting a fake personality and that makes YTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

It seems like she didn't read the room because I wouldn't consider all pranks on kids as abuse, but telling a 7 year old that they're the man of the house is toxic masculinity.. Genuinely sounds like you two just aren't compatable if this is a constant issue.

bichonborealis − NAH but it’s interesting that the first conclusion you jumped to was that she was being performatively woke and not that she cared about you and legitimately thought something that happened to you was upsetting.

[Reddit User] − NTA and like all of these commenters really need to learn 1) You are not psychologists and do not know OPs life story so who are you to assume his dad was abusive based off a single Reddit post

ADVERTISEMENT

2) We can acknowledge that telling a 7 year old boy they're the man of the house is probably problematic while also letting OP narrate their own life story instead of imposing our opinions on it 3) Not everything has to be a life lesson or a woke virtue signaling endeavor.

Even if your dad was abusive and being the man of the house at 7 is problematic, you are entitled to find humor in your own life story even if your woke girlfriend doesn't see it. You are also allowed to be annoyed by your girlfriend trying to tell you how to feel about your life in the name of her being woke.

itzPenbar − NTA telling someone they got abused, when they are old enough to judge by them self is meh.

ADVERTISEMENT

amjay8 − INFO Do you, in fact, think that she’s putting on a performance or project a personality for some points or do you believe she’s sincere & just disagree?

grandmasboyfriend − NTA. I have a group of friends where we all tell jokes and on of the guys girlfriends acts as the humor police. It’s horrible.

These Reddit quips are lively, but do they cut to the core? Was the man’s “woke” jab a fair pushback, or a harsh misstep?

ADVERTISEMENT

This man’s clash with his girlfriend is a vivid snapshot of clashing worldviews, where a childhood prank spiraled into a debate over abuse and “wokeness.” His call-out, backed by some Redditors but criticized by others, was a stand for his perspective, yet it stung her deeply. As their compatibility hangs in the balance, one question looms: can they find common ground? What would you do when a partner reframes your past? Share your stories and weigh in on this fiery dispute!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *