AITA for telling my friend to help pay his biological daughters tuition?

Picture a swanky restaurant, plates clinking, and a reunion turning sour faster than a bad dessert. That’s where Mark, a devoted dad, found himself when his wealthy friend—the biological father of Mark’s adopted daughter—offered to cover 20% of her college tuition. What should’ve been a generous gesture blew up when Mark pushed for more, sparking a fiery clash that left his daughter in tears and family ties in tatters. Was Mark out of line, or just desperate?

Mark’s Reddit AITA post is a raw dive into adoption, obligation, and the messy lines of parenthood. With his friend living a cruise-ship life while Mark scrapes by, the tuition tug-of-war hit a nerve. Reddit’s got plenty to say, and it’s not pretty. Let’s unpack this drama that’s got everyone picking sides faster than a Black Friday sale.

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‘AITA for telling my friend to help pay his biological daughters tuition?’

This all started 17 years ago when my friend and his girlfriend (now married) gave birth to my daughter Jasmine. They had a baby they didn't want  and gave it to me. I was friends with this guy for a couple of years and my wife was infertile, and was devastated we couldn't have kids.

So they gave us the baby and life was good until the pandemic hit. The pandemic hit hard for us and my wife lost her job. Thankfully, I got a better job and make money now enough to support needs and barely scrape by for my Daughters tuition. Now on the other hand, my friend and his wife is living on cruise ships.

He makes a lot of money so much that he basically lives on cruises and owns a nice condo in Honolulu. They wanted to visit my daughter and during dinner (fancy restaurant payed by them) offered to pay 20% of my daughters tuition.

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My daughter said why not more and they told her that she wasn't their responsibility as they gave her to me and my wife. Dinner was very awkward after that and outside I called my friend an AH for not paying my daughters tuition. I said he makes very good money and he can afford to pay the tuition. He told me off and left and went back to his fancy condo might I add.

While my daughter was in her room crying claiming she hates her father. So much that she blocked all contact with her biological parents and claimed she hates them and never wants to speak to them again.. I dont know how I will cover the 50 grand. (its basically half my salary over 2 years). So, AITA?

Mark’s tuition showdown is a tangle of adoption dynamics and misplaced expectations. By adopting Jasmine, Mark took on full parental responsibility, yet his demand for her wealthy bio-dad to foot more of the bill suggests a lingering sense of entitlement. The friend’s 20% offer—plus dorm and spending money—was generous, not stingy. Mark’s push for more turned gratitude into greed.

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Adoption expert Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao says, “Adoptive parents must fully embrace their role, without expecting biological parents to fill gaps” . Mark’s frustration is real, but his friend isn’t a cash machine.

Mark should apologize to mend ties, focusing on Jasmine’s emotional needs. Dr. Pavao suggests exploring financial aid or part-time work for Jasmine to cover the $50,000 gap. Mark could also seek budgeting advice to ease the strain. His heart’s in the right place, but expecting a cruise-hopping friend to bankroll his daughter’s future crossed a line.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit posse charged in like bargain hunters, slinging shade and tough love at Mark’s tuition tantrum. It’s a virtual courtroom where everyone’s a judge, and the verdicts are brutal. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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[Reddit User] − YTA you wanted their child which means she is your responsibility. 20% was very generous. Good job for being entitled and raising an entitled daughter.

FoolMe1nceShameOnU − Of course YTA.. Edit: IMPORTANT FROM COMMENTS. OP also neglected to mention the following - they didn't just offer to pay 20%: They offered to pay 20% of the tuition and to pay off her Dorm on campus or an apartment off campus.

They also wanted to give her 5 thousand dollars to spend on food, which I think they need to send more. Oh, and apparently they also paid for 75% of his daughter's car. They have been INCREDIBLY generous despite having no financial obligation to him, and he still demanded more..

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These people gave you the gift of parenthood when you were struggling with infertility and not sure if you would ever have a child, they literally GAVE YOU THEIR CHILD, entrusted you to be a good parent to her rather than giving her up for adoption elsewhere . . . and now you're acting like they're AHs for not BANKROLLING you as a parent?!

Either your child is yours or she isn't. If you love her, and you consider her to be your daughter, then it is not any other adult's responsibility to financially provide for her education, including the adults whose egg and sperm created her

And that's the grossest part of all of this: that you don't even see that you are literally negating your own parental connection to your daughter for a money grab. You're saying that she's your daughter - except when you want money from your well-off friend, and . . . then she's his? It's beyond horrifying.

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Do what every other parent who does not have a wealthy friend does to manage their child's education. You should have been saving money, or take out student loans, or apply for scholarships. That man is NOT her parent. If he were, you wouldn't be. YTA.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Did you adopt the child? Have you been raising the child? Have you been asking for their input in making decisions for the child? Do you treat them like parents to your daughter in any other respect but this one?

Then I think you know that they're right. She's not their daughter she's yours, and her tuition is your responsibility. You should get grateful they offered to cover a part of it, and if you still can't afford tution, then you need to pick a different school.

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Little-Martha31204 − YTA. If you and your wife had been able to conceive, who would have paid for the tuition? Secondly, you will pay for the tuition the same way the majority of people pay for college...grants, scholarships, and loans.

[Reddit User] − YTA. The key word here is *your* daughter. Covering college expenses is something you should have considered and planned for when you adopted her seventeen years ago. Offering to contribute anything after they relinquished her to your custody is generous and entirely optional on their part,

so say “thank you” and work with the school’s financial aid office on figuring out where the rest is going to come from, or with your daughter on looking at cheaper schools before they decide to make it nothing.

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HCIBSW − Did you know before the dinner that your friend was going to offer to help pay tuition?. Did you encourage Jasmine to ask for more? Or did you raise your daughter to be rude and/or greedy?. YTA

Regular-Tell-108 − Info: you say “gave” you their daughter. Was there not a legal adoption? What do the adoption papers say about what they owe you? Was support addressed at all? You seem to simultaneously want this to be a foster child when it benefits you,

and an adoption when that does, and I’m completely unclear on which is true. If you adopted her, they are NOT her parents, they are people offering you a gift - one you seem incapable of taking without sabotaging it.

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BlueClouds42 − YTA. She's your daughter, not theirs. They have zero responsibility to help and the fact that they offered 20% on their own should have been taken as blessing.

mdthomas − If you adopted her, she is YOUR daughter. He may have been her biological father but he gave her up for adoption.. He is not responsible for her.. Take the 20% as a nice gesture.. YTA

Mabelisms − INFO: have you legally adopted your daughter?

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Redditors roasted Mark for acting entitled, praising the bio-parents’ generosity while slamming his money grab. Some questioned Jasmine’s outburst, others his parenting. But do their fiery takes balance the scales, or just fuel the drama?

Mark’s clash over tuition is a stark reminder that adoption means full responsibility—cash and all. His push for more from Jasmine’s bio-dad backfired, hurting his daughter and burning bridges. This saga resonates with anyone navigating family ties and tight budgets. What would you do if you were stretched thin and a wealthy friend offered a partial lifeline? Share your thoughts and stories below!

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