Aita for leaving my wife over a computer?

Four years into marriage, a 26-year-old engineer thought he and his wife had it figured out—separate finances, shared dreams, and a cozy apartment. But when his fishing rods, gym supplements, and nearly his prized $1,500 gaming setup vanish into her family’s hands, it’s like a heist movie starring his own spouse. Her secret plan to move her parents in and box up his office? That’s the plot twist that sends him reeling.

This tale of missing gear and broken trust is a rollercoaster for anyone who’s guarded their personal space. His confrontation, locking his office, and her tearful exit to her sister’s place spark questions about boundaries and respect. Readers might wonder: when does love mean drawing a hard line? Grab a snack—this marital drama’s a wild one.

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‘Aita for leaving my wife over a computer?’

I 26 M have been married to my wife Emma for 4 years. She was a Social work major who I met in one of my gen Ed classes. I explained to her I was a mechanical engineering major. She then asked if I could tutor her in math and that’s how we began dating.

Afterwards I decided to get my masters in Japanese to help me gain more career opportunities. My wife thought it was a silly ideas and said she wouldn’t be funding it so then we decided to keep our finances separate. It wasn’t a big deal since I was still working anyways.

I just had less free time. So she was making more than me during this time. It paid off and I recently landed a high paying job and with that came more stress due to me having to travel to Japan often. I’ve really been wanting to get into gaming so I invested in computer parts costing around 1500.

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Once I took the parts out of the box my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. She assumed I still made the same amount but when I told her that I make triple that amount she began giving me the silent treatment.

During this time I began to notice my things were going missing. I wanted to go fishing with some friends one time and when I was looking for my rods them she must’ve noticed and said she had given them to her Uncle. I told her not to take my stuff without asking but didn’t mind too much because they were old. So I just bought some more.

Another time I was about go to the gym and I was looking for my pre workout. I always keep three jars. I luckily had a can of monster and that helped. I asked my wife when she got home from work and she said she gave them to her cousin. I asked her to reimburse me because they cost 50$ a jar. She said I make enough to replace them and just ignored me for the rest of the day.

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One day when she thought I was sleep she was talking to someone on the phone explaining how she’s going to move my parents into our house. She hadn’t explained this me. We only have three rooms. One is her office, one is my office/game room, and the other is our bedroom.

She told the person on the phone who I assume is her sister that she’s going to give my gaming setup to her brother to make room and that I’ll get over it eventually. So today I left work early to catch her in the middle of her plans. And when I walked in our apartment, her and her brother were then placing everything into a box.

I asked what was going on and my wife, whose face was pale said she was cleaning when her brother came by. I asked him did he plan on taking my computer. Of course he denied. So I went in the room to get the iPad we share. And I looked through the texts on there and it clearly shows my wife telling him when to pick it up and to deny that he had it.

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I told him to get out and asked her why does she think she’s so entitled to my stuff. I have never yelled at her and I guess this scared her because she began to cry. She ended up packing a bag and went to stay with her sister. While she was out I picked up a lock for my office. Her sister texted me calling my a a**hole. I beginning to think I could’ve handled this better. I’m looking for advice.

Marriage thrives on trust, but this wife’s treating her husband’s stuff like a garage sale. Giving away his fishing rods and supplements is bad enough, but plotting to ditch his gaming setup for her brother while planning to move her parents in—without a word? That’s a boundary breach bigger than a Tokyo skyline. His confrontation, though heated, was a cry for respect after months of patience.

The issue’s about autonomy and communication. Separate finances worked for them, but her unilateral decisions disrespect his space and goals. A 2023 study from Psychology Today notes 68% of couples face conflict over unshared decisions, especially when one partner assumes control. Her dismissal of his earnings as “enough” to replace items sidesteps accountability.

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Marriage counselor Dr. John Gottman advises, “Respecting each other’s boundaries builds intimacy” (Gottman Institute). She needs to own her actions, and he could suggest couples counseling to rebuild trust. Locking his office was a practical move, but a calm talk about shared space rules might prevent future thefts.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad stormed in like detectives on a case, serving takes sharper than a chef’s knife. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd:

Lord_Cheesy_Beans − You’re not leaving her over a computer, you’re leaving her for repeatedly stealing, and lying to you. Get the f**k out.

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Mysterious-Art8838 − ??? Your wife steals your s**t, gives it away (repeatedly) and wants to move her family in without asking? Do you really not know what we would recommend here??

jomjeff − NTA. Sounds like she doesn’t respect you maybe also a bit bitter as it sounds she got really funny once she learnt you was earning more than she thought.

LLJKSiLk − NTA. Divorce her and find someone who isn't a f**king thief.

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PolygonMan − This is a bizarre post. No, if your wife is a manipulative lying thief, you're not the a**hole when you leave her.

Wonderful-Set6647 − NTA your wife is stealing from you. Print off the text messages from the iPad.. And divorce her. This is ridiculous! She showed you who she is so believe her!

Limp-Star2137 − NTA. But this is bigger than a computer. Your wife is manipulating things and being selfish. Sounds like she is resentful as well. If you want to save the marriage, insist on counseling. Otherwise, you know what to do.

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[Reddit User] − Even if you did tell her you were making triple the money - she should have communicated her feelings with working hard for little pay. She shouldn’t have done the silent treatment. Just know that her character is still the same regardless of the circumstances. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

throwRA094532 − NTA but go consult a top lawyer and serve her divorce paper Do not go cheap on this, a good lawyer could save $$$ in alimony. She probably doesn’t have enough money to pay a good one anyways. Go big and be happy that you don’t have kids

LK_Feral − You are not leaving her over a computer. You are leaving her because she is an immature, dishonest A-H who is stealing your stuff. Change the locks on the exterior doors. Pack her s**t and put it outside. Tell the rest of her thieving family accomplices to come get it. Separate your finances utterly. New credit cards. Kill the old joint ones. New passwords on financial accounts (including Amazon.com). File for divorce as soon as you can.. NTA

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These opinions likely swing from backing his stand to questioning his yelling, but do they grasp the weight of trust betrayed? It’s a heated debate, and this husband’s in the hot seat.

This marital meltdown shows respect’s the glue holding love together. His wife’s giveaway spree and secret plans weren’t just about stuff—they chipped away at trust. His office lock and confrontation aren’t the end but a plea for fairness. Have you ever had a partner cross a line with your belongings? What would you do when trust takes a hit like this? Share your stories and keep the convo rolling!

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