AITA for telling ending my friendship because she said I am not a real mom because I send my kids to daycare?

Two college friends, now 44, sit worlds apart: one a career-driven mom, the other a staunch housewife. Their bond, weathered by years and distance, frays when Maddie brands her friend a “fake mother” for choosing daycare and epidurals, insisting real moms must struggle. Stung by judgment, the career mom fires back, blocking Maddie and ending a 20-year friendship, but guilt lingers like a shadow.

This isn’t just a falling-out—it’s a clash over motherhood, identity, and respect. The woman’s stand was fierce, but was it too final? Readers are pulled into the drama: did she rightly defend her choices, or overreact to a friend’s bias? The rift demands a verdict.

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‘AITA for telling ending my friendship because she said I am not a real mom because I send my kids to daycare?’

This woman shared her friendship’s end on Reddit, detailing Maddie’s harsh words and her own breaking point. Here’s her original post, unpacking the emotional fallout.

This is a long story. My friend, Maddie (44f) and I (44f) have been friends since college. However, she had other plans as she always wanted to be a housewife. So, she dropped out of college and got married. I, on the other hand, have worked my way up. I wanted to build my own career before starting a family.

That is why I didn't date much in my 20s. I put all my focus on my business and making it work. Because of that I lost touch with a lot of my friends, including Maddie. She has 5 kids, so she is also busy with her own thing. Over the years, Maddie has pressed a lot that I should get married, I will not find a good husband if I wait till 30s.

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She knows my trauma with relationships in the past. I wanted to heal properly before I started dating. Also this is one of the reasons why I lost touch with her. I finally met my husband a little later. We decided to try for kids and it was a miracle that I got pregnant so easily at the age of 39 (My mother's side has a history of infertility).

Maddie was happy for me. We decided to try for another kid and then another miracle and we ended up having twins. My twins are now 14 months old so we decided to put them in daycare. When my friend got to know about this she told me it is wrong for a child to stay away from their parents for a long time.

She suggested that I should quit my work and be a full time mom now. And since we are financially well off we can afford it. Yes we are financially well off. And I have already taken a step back from my career till my kids go to preschool. But I do not want to quit my job. She accused me of being a 'fake mother'.

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Because 1) I used epidural during both my delivery. 2) I hired nannies. 3) I put my kids in daycare. She thinks if you are not struggling as a mother, you are not a real mother. She said some pseudo science stuff that kids who go to daycare end up becoming a spoiled brat and disrespectful because they do not feel a mother's warmth.

This was last straw. I told her to mind her own business and that her kids are no better since they always get in trouble. I know what is best for my children. There were a lot of arguing but the end result was that I blocked her and told her to not talk to me. I feel bad because we have been really close friends.

We have known each other for more than 20 years. I do feel like an A-hole. I finally met my husband a little later. We decided to try for kids and it was a miracle that I got pregnant so easily at the age of 39 (My mother's side has a history of infertility). Maddie was happy for me.

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We decided to try for another kid and then another miracle and we ended up having twins. My twins are now 14 months old so we decided to put them on daycare. When my friend got to know about this she told me it is wrong for a child to stay away from their parents for a long time.

She suggested that I should quit my work and be a full time mom now. And since we are financially well off we can afford it. Yes we are financially well off. And I have already taken a step back from my career till my kids go to preschool. But I do not want to quit my job.

Friendships can buckle under the weight of judgment, and this one collapsed when Maddie shamed her friend’s parenting. The 44-year-old career mom, using daycare and nannies to balance work and twins, faced Maddie’s accusation of being a “fake mother” for not struggling. Her decision to block Maddie was a boundary against toxicity, but the loss of a long friendship stings.

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This reflects broader tensions in motherhood ideals. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that judgmental attitudes about parenting styles, like daycare use, often strain female friendships, especially when life paths diverge. Maddie’s rigid views dismissed her friend’s valid choices.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner says, “Friendships thrive on mutual respect; shaming life choices signals a need for distance”. Her insight supports the woman’s boundary, though a calmer confrontation might have clarified intentions. Maddie’s pseudoscience claims about daycare lack evidence, as studies show quality daycare fosters social skills.

The woman could focus on supportive connections and self-care. Maddie should reflect on her judgmental stance.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit dove into this motherhood drama with takes as fierce as a protective parent. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even friend feuds need a chuckle.

PsychologicalBit5422 − There is nothing more annoying than a self righteous Mother who thinks her way is the only way. Losing a long friendship is hard, but let me tell you after a while you wonder why you didn't do it sooner. It's like losing a mental weight.

[Reddit User] − NTA but I wonder if she is jealous of you and how you planned motherhood. Considering she got married way too young, she barely had time to plan anything. You seem like you planned things ahead. And in your comments, you mentioned you and your husband is well off. So, I wonder if she is jealous that you have and can afford help unlike, she did when she had kids.

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Good_Ad6336 − NTA. She’s not a friend. Friends support and encourage you. They don’t tear you down to make themselves feel better.

Livid_Refrigerator69 − NTA. You’re a mother who has to work, mortgage/rent needs to get paid, bills & utilities need to be paid & unless you can live on love & fresh air, food needs to be bought, if she can afford to be a SAHM good luck to her but the last thing working Mums need is other mothers tearing you down, because they don’t have to work.

You’re a real mum, a super mum because you have to do double duty.. You don’t need mean spirited toxic people in your life, she is no friend of yours.

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PancakeRule20 − I was waiting for the epidural point since reading the title. Hi girl, a woman SHOULD NOT struggle just because someone decided to, we do not live under a rock anymore. NTA.

Readsumthing − NTA and ffs. What a judgmental ridiculous woman. There’s no “right” way to mother your children. The right way is what works for you. Good grief. Just to add, I was a SAHM to my 2 boys. The first I had all natural, the second with an epidural. I’ll shout it from the rooftops, epidurals are a gift from the heavens!

Pain doesn’t grant you bonus cookies from a fairy godmother. 34 years later, my youngest is doing married, happy, great career, making loads of $$$ and my eldest is a homeless d**g addict lost in his addiction- somewhere.

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Being a SAHM, being a career mom, being a single mom, a working mom, we are all moms; trying our best to raise our kids in a tough world. It’s too bad some women try to stand on others, trying to find their own self worth by tearing down others.. Cut this toxic chick out like the aggressive cancer she is. NTA.

AnxiousRoutine5526 − NTA. Maddie has issues and needs to stop dictating how everyone else should live their lives. You are different people and need to be free to do you. Her agenda is fine for her, but shoving it down your throat is a total d**k move.You're living your life and raising your family in a manner that works for you. That needs to be respected.

GlassMotor9670 − Time to bin that loony.. People who spout pseudo science need to be kept well away from sane society.. NTA.

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Verkielos − My country pretty much has no stay at home parents, and here we take for granted that kids will be in daycare. Actually, we consider daycare good since it teaches kids social interaction, how to share and a lot of other important things.

CrabbiestAsp − NTA. Maddie is not a true friend if she so easily judged you and your parenting style. It's woman like her that make mums scared to make the right choices for their families, that make mums feel guilty for choosing daycare etc. I was so excited to be a stay at home mum after 2.5yrs of infertility and a high risk pregnancy.

I ended up with pretty bad PPD. Had intrusive thoughts and I just wanted to be free. When we finally got a spot at daycare and I returned to work part time, I was a better mum because I wasn't depressed all the time. My daughter is 6 now.

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She is a very happy, healthy, polite, loved up little girl. Doing to daycare was great for her. She got to do so many more things during the day that I could offer and I would pick her up and we would both be so happy.

These Reddit quips are bold, but do they capture the full story? Was the woman right to cut ties, or could she have salvaged the bond?

This woman’s story is a poignant clash of friendship and motherhood, where a friend’s cruel judgment—calling her a “fake mother”—severed a 20-year bond. Her choice to block Maddie, backed by Reddit’s cheers, was a stand for her family’s path, but the ache of loss lingers. Can such a rift ever mend? What would you do when a friend shames your parenting? Share your stories and weigh in on this heartfelt showdown!

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