AITA for not wanting to close our open marriage after my wife pressured me to open it and now regrets it?

Picture a cozy suburban home, where dinner plates clink and love once felt unshakable. For one 34-year-old husband, that harmony hit a wild plot twist when his wife of four years pitched an open marriage. Her plea to explore new connections, laced with divorce threats, pushed him into uncharted waters. Now, a year later, he’s found his sea legs with a vibrant new partner, Amanda—only for his wife to demand a return to monogamy. Jealousy simmers, and the stakes feel like a rom-com gone rogue.

The air crackles with tension as this couple grapples with freedom, regret, and clashing desires. His newfound confidence clashes with her second thoughts, leaving readers itching to unpack the mess. Is he wrong to savor this unexpected joy, or is her flip-flop a fair cry for reconnection? Let’s dive into this spicy saga of modern love.

AITA for not wanting to close our open marriage after my wife pressured me to open it and now regrets it?

I (34M) and my wife (32F) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. About a year ago, my wife brought up the idea of opening our marriage. She said she had been feeling like she needed to explore her sexuality and connections with others, and that she might consider divorce if we didn't try this.

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I was completely against the idea. But after a month of her bringing it up constantly, I agreed, thinking maybe it could bring some new energy into our relationship too. Since we opened up, she's met several men and seems to be enjoying the freedom. I struggled initially. I didn't have any matches or success on dating apps, and it really started to affect my self-esteem.

But about six months into this, I met Amanda at a work party. Amanda is aware of my open marriage, and we've really hit it off. We've been seeing each other quite frequently, and honestly, she's fantastic. I've discovered a new side of myself with her, and the no-strings-attached arrangement is something I've come to really enjoy.

Here's the issue: my wife has become increasingly jealous and uncomfortable with my relationship with Amanda. Despite her ongoing connections with other men, she's asked me to close our marriage again.

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She even apologized for pressuring me into opening it up in the first place and admitted she thought it would be different. She thinks I'm in love with Amanda which is clearly not the case. Amanda is seeing other people too but she is not exclusive with any one as far as I can tell.

Now, my wife wants to go back to being exclusive, but I don't want to. Amanda has been great for me in ways I hadn't anticipated, my self-esteem is really through the roof and the sex has been the best I had in my life and I feel like I'm finally experiencing something that I didn't even know I was missing.

My wife is really mad about it and insists we close our marriage immediately. So, AITA for not wanting to close our marriage now that I've found someone who makes me happy, even though it was originally my wife's idea to open it?

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This tale of open marriage gone awry is less about who’s right and more about mismatched expectations. When one spouse pushes for freedom, only to recoil when the other thrives, it’s a recipe for relational chaos.

The Core Conflict: The husband, initially coerced into an open marriage, found empowerment with Amanda, while his wife’s jealousy reveals her miscalculation. She expected to control the dynamic, enjoying her flings while assuming he’d flounder. Her demand to close the marriage, as The Gottman Institute notes, ignores mutual consent, a cornerstone of non-monogamy. Her threats of divorce, followed by regret, suggest emotional manipulation rather than partnership.

Expert Voice: Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a polyamory expert, states, “Successful open relationships require ongoing communication and renegotiation of boundaries” (Psychology Today). Here, the wife’s unilateral push and sudden reversal sidestep this. Dr. Sheff’s insight suggests the husband’s reluctance to close the marriage is valid—he’s finally benefiting from an arrangement she championed.

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Path Forward: Couples therapy, as recommended by BetterHelp, could help them navigate this. The husband should articulate Amanda’s positive impact without dismissing his wife’s feelings. She must own her role in opening the marriage and commit to honest dialogue.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit peanut gallery served up a buffet of shade and sharp takes, slicing through this marital mayhem with gusto. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Totally_overwhelmed − Lol it cracks my ass up how much the “open the relationship or I’ll leave” spouse hates f**king around and finding out.

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DevilsAdvocate8008 − NTA. Your wife was most likely cheating on you and at best case scenario she basically blackmailed you into an open relationship and when you find happiness she wants you to end it. She is very selfish and this isn't going to end well. Now that you got your confidence back I think it's time for you to look at divorce.

Choice_Pool_5971 − NTA. Typical case. Your wife wanted her cake and eat it too and was fully expecting that she would be able to sleep around and you don’t. She threatened to divorce you if you didn’t open the relationship, now you have all the right to shut her down and if she threatens to divorce you, say “go ahead”..

Do you have kids? If not, might be worth to just divorce her anyway. But do make sure you let everyone in your friend and family circle know about her demanding to open the relationship. She is the kind of person that might start to smear you telling family and friends you are cheating on her.

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[Reddit User] − You do not have a marraige.. Your wife does not love you, she loves only herself.. I am in a similar situation, just at an earlier stage.. If you do not have kids, hit the eject button immediately.

Sakent − Your marriage is already over.

[Reddit User] − I feel like this exact same thing has been posted recently. Like word for word.

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Head_Photograph9572 − She already had a dude picked out or was already f**king him. You should have divorced her on the SPOT when she brought it up.

Adept_Ad_473 − NTA.. she's leveraging control over the relationship in ways that are hurting you, under threat of divorce.. That doesn't sound like a loving relationship, OP, that sounds like emotional manipulation. If this is a relationship you intend to keep (and you should be very clear on your 'why' for that),

you should probably go to marital counseling before making any more changes on wifey's whims.. Experienced swingers tend to do a pretty good job of maintaining open relationships.. For everyone else, the mere proposition of opening a marriage would be a huge, huge red flag for me.

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[Reddit User] − Think you should divorce and pursue Amanda

JeanPolleketje − Generic story…

These Reddit zingers are spicier than a chili cook-off, but do they nail the heart of this drama, or just fan the flames?

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This saga of open hearts and sudden U-turns is a masterclass in relationship roulette. The husband’s glow-up with Amanda collides with his wife’s buyer’s remorse, leaving their marriage on shaky ground. It’s a vivid reminder that love’s experiments need trust and talk, not ultimatums. If you were in his shoes, would you close the door on newfound freedom or keep exploring? Drop your thoughts—let’s stir this pot of modern romance!

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