[UPDATE] AITAH for transferring assets to my daughter before my marriage?

A woman’s bold move to protect her daughter’s inherited wealth before marriage unraveled her engagement when her fiancé demanded equal sharing for his children. After a candid talk, their incompatible financial priorities—her duty to her daughter versus his push for household equality—led her to return the ring. As they pause marriage plans, she reaffirms her grandfather’s legacy while grappling with love and fairness in a blended family.

This poignant update to a financial feud hums with emotional depth. How does a parent balance love for a partner with loyalty to a child’s future?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

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‘[UPDATE] AITAH for transferring assets to my daughter before my marriage?’

I had a much needed conversation with Max. I showed him the post, replies, advices and experiences. He looked defeated to see this.. At the core there were two issues.. 1) How much do I trust him?. 2) How do we handle finances moving forward? He told me he was ready to sign a prenup before I even asked.

If that would alleviate my worries. He said all he wants is to have everyone in the household to feel equal. To not make his kids feel resentful. To make it fair to everyone.. I understood that. The fact is there is no way it can be made fair to everyone. If I want to give my daughter the best of everything, I should give same to his kids too.

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But that is not always possible even with our combined incomes. For example if her love for riding stays, both me and her would prefer she attend a private school providing equistrian sports. Tuition for that and related costs can be availed from her trust. But we would not be able to afford to pay tuition for his kids out of our combined income.

Trust is already set up and even I cannot withdraw money for their tuition. Even if I could, I would be reducing my retirement funds or my daughter's inheritance. Same goes for car, tuition fund, and all other expenses my daughter will have covered but even with our incomes, we can't give equally to Max's kids.

Further, marriage is a big risk. Even with a prenup, if he takes on debt during course of marriage, I would also be liable. A lot of the comments have instilled a lot of fear in me. I am also worried about the resentment finance is going to build. I love Max. I really do. But I love my daughter million times more.

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She is my life. I have to accept that her future and oppurtunities is more important to me than a marriage. Atleast for the next 9 years. (Who am I kidding, till my daughter can fully be independent) And I cannot fault him for wanting the same for his kids. He is just being a dad.

But I cannot take away from my daughter to give to his kids. I can only give equal love and care to them. Equal attention.. Financially we are just not compatible. Long story short, I gave back my ring. Engagement and marriage is off the table for now. After all, there is no real necessity to get married.

We are both sad about this turn, but the fact he did not kick up a fuss is a bit reassuring. I really do believe our companionship is just as valuable to him as to me. Just that we are also parents who wants the best for our children. We don't know where our relationship is going. I would still like to have him in my life.

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But he is also free to leave and find another person. I did not ask him to leave and he is staying for now. I will try to keep normal stuff equal between all. Whatever I can afford to do out of my income. My daughter is still getting a pony. Its a gift from her great grandpa, after all. I would not compromise her life and choices.

My grandpa took me in for her sake. He left it all to me for her. I cannot compromise on that. And there is no need for 3 ponies. Neither of his kids know or has shown any interest in riding. If they want one after seeing my daughter with hers, we will be getting them riding lessons. And they can share.

They will be getting the best birthday presents we can afford that alligns with their interests for their birthdays. If Max sticks around till then. I will also be protecting the house and land as well. He cannot make claims on it as far as I know. But I will still be discussing it with my estate lawyer.. Thankyou for helping me see what I refused to. Love had me blind.

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Blended families often face financial fault lines, and this couple’s clash over inherited wealth exposed a fundamental mismatch. The woman’s trust funds, safeguarding her daughter’s future, reflect her grandfather’s intent and her primary duty as a mother. Her fiancé’s push for equal treatment, while understandable, overlooks the unique nature of inheritance and his lack of equivalent assets, revealing an entitlement that could fester post-marriage.

Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow notes, “Financial disparities in stepfamilies require transparent agreements.” Studies show 70% of blended-family conflicts involve money, as here, where the fiancé’s vision of equality clashes with the woman’s legacy obligations. His willingness to sign a prenup is positive, but his initial anger and her fears of future debt highlight deeper trust issues.

This reflects broader challenges of equity versus legacy in blended families. Dr. Papernow advises, “Couples must align on financial boundaries before marriage.” The woman’s decision to prioritize her daughter avoids future resentment, but cohabitation risks common-law claims, depending on state laws. She should consult a lawyer to protect her assets and clarify her relationship’s terms.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dove into this breakup drama like it’s a financial soap opera. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

ThatWhichLurks782 − I'm glad this came to an OK conclusion for everyone involved. I am also glad your daughter still gets her pony, lol. Good luck for the future, darling. ❤️

cthulularoo − When his thinking was 'You must pay for ponies for my kids just because your daughter is love with them' That was enough of a red flag for me. His need for equity was unreasonable in this sense.

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WyomingVet − Pick that pony carefully lol. My grandparents had several Shetlands, they can be mean little shits and they are stronger than they appear.

PrideofCapetown − I’m not familiar with U.S. law. Have you checked what the rules are for common law partnerships in your state?. Apologies if this issue has already been raised and dealt with. I haven’t seen your first post yet

ScubaCC − I don’t think anyone is wrong here. I think OP is correct that her child is her priority and she would know best what her grandfather would have wanted.. I think Mark is correct that his children shouldn’t feel like 2nd class citizens in their own home.. Thus, incompatible.

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[Reddit User] − Don't get married to anyone who's children you refuse to raise as your own. Is that not a f**king given? Better off staying alone with your wealth then becoming some poor child's wicked stepmother. People resent such wealth inequality in society and you thought you could make it into a marriage? Cmon.

Successful-Pie-5689 − It does sound like incompatibility, and it would be best for all to move on. While different bio families are very likely to lead to different college funding arrangements and inheritance, where there is no co-parent situation dictating the differences (e.g. attending and paying for private schools per a divorce decree),

kids that share a household should have equal day to day experiences, or there will certainly be destructive resentment. There is simply no way you can choose to pay for a posh private school (with an equestrian program!!) while your step kids go to a public school due to cost.

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It’s untenable. Better to walk away now. Edit: Removing reference to potential future bio kids and apologizing to OP because I didn’t see the comment to the last post where she explained that she can’t have additional bio kids. I am sorry.

kaitero − I think you have every right to put your kid first, and I'm glad you and your ex-fiance realized and shared what your priorities were. However, I believe that anyone who's entertaining marriage to another parent has to come to terms with the fact that any and all juvenile/underage children spending a majority of their time under the same roof have to be treated equally to the best of *both* parents abilities,

or else the marriage shouldn't happen in the first place. They're no longer ~just~ your spouses' kids, they're **your** kids now, too, whether you like it or not. You're NTA, but you sure would've been (maybe even an ESH) had you two gone through with this marriage in spite of this 'minor fight' (not so minor in hindsight, is it?)

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heibo123 − This man stood up for the future of his kids... Cant blame him. Your irreversible actions have already shown that his kids will always be second to your kid. If your dad wanted your kid to have all the money, he would have done exactly what you did with the money.

The pony is not a gift from your dad to her, its a gift from you to her and by saying you cant afford 3 ponys you already labeled his kids secondary over a stupid gift. Lets say you grow old together, your kid will get every chance in life to succeed, but his kids will always have less chances and they will grow up knowing the difference.. IMO YTA if a man would do this to the future wifes kids the reddit YTA-Army would go bananas

[Reddit User] − I think that if the genders were reversed, and a man was buying an expensive gift for his son and made it very clear that he would not spend any of his money on his fiancée or her daughters that the responses would be a lot different.

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These passionate takes resonate, but do they miss nuances? Is the fiancé selfish, or just protective?

This engagement-ending saga weaves a story of love buckling under the weight of financial incompatibility. The woman’s choice to secure her daughter’s inheritance, met with her fiancé’s demand for equality, sparks a debate about legacy, fairness, and parental priorities. What would you do if a partner’s financial expectations clashed with your child’s future? Share your stories in the comments—let’s unravel this blended-family financial fracture!

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