AITAH for telling ex’s fiancé she can FO for asking me for decor tips?

A woman’s phone lights up with a message from an unexpected source: her ex-husband’s fiancée, the woman who helped end her marriage, cheerfully asking for decor tips about the home they once shared. The 42-year-old, now living abroad and free from a dead marriage, feels a spark of indignation. Her sharp retort—“f**k off” and figure it out—sets off a firestorm, with her ex calling her out and her loved ones split on her reaction.

This isn’t just about furniture—it’s a clash of boundaries, past betrayals, and moving on. Her blunt dismissal was a stand for her peace, but was it too harsh? Readers are drawn into the drama: did she rightfully shut down an intrusive request, or overreact to a misguided compliment? The tension begs for a verdict.

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‘AITAH for telling ex’s fiancé she can FO for asking me for decor tips?’

This woman shared her fiery exchange on Reddit, detailing the audacity of her ex’s fiancée and her unapologetic response. Here’s her original post, unpacking the drama.

My (42f) and my ex (47m) divorced 1 year ago. Shortly thereafter, his girlfriend (aka affair partner) moved into the home we previously shared. I told him to keep whatever because I went to live abroad and basically just wanted out. I wasn’t even mad at him for cheating.

It was a dead marriage and his affair being exposed became the catalyst for our divorce. So we got divorced and she moved in. We hadn’t talked after because there was nothing left to discuss post divorce. Then a week ago I get a message from her. It was really upbeat and “oh I like the style of the house so much.

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Where did you get this fixture and this pieces of furniture”. I sat with it for a day and finally decided to message her that since she had it all figured out, she could figure it out. She asked what I meant and I told her she obviously had everything my ex could ever want and I was the one he didn’t want, so she shouldn’t try to imitate me.

He clearly had a taste for something different. She messaged me back saying she way trying to pay me a compliment. Then my ex text me saying we were amicable before and he didn’t understand why I was causing an issue now. He’s right that we were both over our marriage, but I felt like her trying to take over where I left off aesthetically was too much. My friends and family are divided. AITAH?

Divorce leaves scars, and this woman’s wound was poked by an unexpected message. Her ex’s fiancée, living in their former home, asked for decor tips, stirring feelings of intrusion and disrespect. The woman’s sharp response, telling her to “f**k off,” was fueled by the fiancée’s role as the affair partner and the audacity of the ask. Her ex’s defense and family’s mixed reactions complicate the fallout.

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This highlights post-divorce boundaries and the emotional weight of infidelity. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that interactions with ex-partners’ new partners often trigger unresolved pain, especially when boundaries are unclear. The fiancée’s request, even if well-intentioned, ignored this context.

Relationship expert Dr. Stan Tatkin says, “Post-divorce civility doesn’t mean tolerating oversteps; clear boundaries protect healing”. His insight validates the woman’s reaction, though a calmer response might have avoided escalation. The fiancée’s claim of complimenting was tone-deaf, given their history.

The woman’s decision to block both is a healthy boundary. The fiancée should respect her space, and the ex should address his partner’s actions.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit jumped into this divorce drama with takes as bold as a mid-century lamp. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even messy breakups need a laugh.

dryadduinath − Sounds like she’s trying to make friends! Which is pretty messed up, tbh. I would go ahead and block her.  And if your cheating ex doesn’t have any reason to be able to contact you, like shared assets or children, I would go ahead and block him too.

Just because you’re not mad (or weren’t mad) that he cheated, doesn’t mean he didn’t do something awful and it doesn’t mean he’s a good person to have in your life. Much like his sidechick. . NTA. 

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bestbettsie − That is just plain weird. Why would your husband's affair partner even *think* you would want to talk to her? She contacted you over nonsense; she deserved whatever you chose to tell her. NTA.

wickskit − I think I would have answered her with absurd answers such as the lamp was from The Side Chick Boutique, the sofa was from The Furniture Whorehouse, and the rug was from the Secret Affair Store. So no wonder you like it!

FireBallXLV − She wants something but it's not decorating advice. I suspect she thought complimenting you woulds give her an opening to ask about whatever she really wanted to know/pursue. NTA.

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CandylandCanada − NTA. I'll just bet that she was trying to make nice. She didn't care about your feelings or input last year, so what's changed? It would be entertaining to have Mr. Wonderful explain, in detail, how you declining to help her is 'causing an issue'. They deserve each other. I wouldn't solicit the opinions of your friends and family any longer if this is the type of response that you could expect from them.

PsychologicalTea5387 − 'I like the style of the house (that I live in because I fucked your husband and took your spot) so much'. NTA.

[Reddit User] − No that is definitely weird behaviour. You should have definitely telled her to f**k off imo.

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bakatari − She didn’t need any decorating tips to get your ex in bed while you were married to him, there’s no reason she should expect anything from you except chilly civility at best. She can f**k right off with the decorating questions, and when she gets there she can f**k right off again with whatever it was she really wanted to ask you.. NTA.

RedHolly − NTA. You should have just blocked her. Honestly I wonder if he’s already cheating on her and she was trying to reach out to you for advice. Once a cheater always a cheater.

TheRealSugarbat − INFO: Why does she have your number?

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These Reddit quips are fiery, but do they light up the truth? Was the woman’s sharp retort justified, or should she have kept it cool?

This woman’s clash with her ex’s fiancée is a sizzling tale of boundaries, betrayal, and a home left behind. Her fierce rejection of decor tips, rooted in the pain of infidelity, was a stand for her dignity, cheered by Reddit but debated by her circle. Blocking both signals a fresh start, but was it the right call? What would you do when an ex’s partner stirs old wounds? Drop your stories and weigh in on this fiery standoff!

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