AITAH For telling my Dad that if he didn’t “Shape up” my Mom was going to leave him?

A teen’s frustration boiled over when her father’s idle comment about dirty laundry exposed his years-long refusal to help her overworked mother. In a heated moment, she warned that his inaction could push her mom toward divorce, a comment that silenced him and fractured family peace. As her apologies go ignored, she grapples with guilt and conviction in a home stretched thin.

This raw tale of family duty and teenage candor pulses with relatable tension. When does a child’s outburst cross into overstepping parental bounds?

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‘AITAH For telling my Dad that if he didn’t “Shape up” my Mom was going to leave him?’

Hello everyone! I posted this on AITAH but figured I might as well post it over here too. I have never posted on Reddit before so sorry if this goes against the guidelines or anything. For context, I am a 16 year old girl and my Dad is a 57 year old man. I love my parents a lot, and I am so grateful for all the things they do to provide for me.

However, me and my Dad have always had a bit of a strange relationship. He is not very good at communicating, and sometimes it feels like I can’t talk to him about anything. This does bother me, but the real issue in our house is that my mom does EVERYTHING. Every day she makes dinner, does the dishes, laundry, etc.

On top of this, she recently started remotely working full time again, AND she is currently going back to college to get her masters degree. I do everything I can to help her out, but I can only do so much. My Dad works full time, and that's it. He never does any chores or helps around the house at all.

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He does work a labor heavy job, and I understand it's tiring, but he could at least give our dog a bath or make dinner for himself or something. Both me and my mom have said many times that we want him to help around the house, and he always says he will, but he never does anything.

He did the dishes a couple times, but he didn’t do it thoroughly enough and there was still food on them so my mom had to rewash them. I’ve honestly gotten really tired of this, as it’s been going on for years. Well, here is where I might be the a**hole. This happened three days ago.

My mom was in class that night, so she hadn’t gotten an opportunity to do the laundry yet, and there was a basket of dirty clothes in my parent's room. My dad offhandedly remarked “Gee, there sure are a lot of dirty clothes laying around.” This made me really annoyed. I told him that he was a grown man and if he wanted clean clothes he could do a load of laundry himself.

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My dad looked surprised at this and told me to calm down. I have a tendency of speaking harshly to people when I’m irritated, and this was unfortunately one of those moments. So I told him that “I swear to God, If you don’t shape up and start doing some actual work around here Mom is gonna want a divorce.”

I knew immediately I shouldn't have said it and he left the room looking really angry. Not sure if it's relevant, but he has been married 2 times before my Mom. I told my mom about this and she says that while he should do more work, what I said was really mean and the divorce comment was completely unnecessary.

When my dad got home from work the next day I tried to apologize, but he completely ignored me and just went outside. It’s been three days and he hasn’t said a word to me, even though I’ve tried to say sorry multiple times. My house is now really tense since my Dad is also mad at my Mom because he thinks she wants to get a divorce . I feel horrible but honestly, deep down I still agree with the comment I said to him. So, AITAH?

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Family dynamics often buckle under uneven household loads, and this teen’s outburst reflects a cry for fairness in a home where her mother bears all. Her father’s weaponized incompetence—half-hearted dishwashing, no follow-through—burdens her mom, whose full-time work and studies amplify the strain. The divorce comment, while harsh, voiced a real fear, but her father’s silent treatment manipulates rather than resolves.

Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Unaddressed resentment fuels family conflict.” Studies show 60% of marital disputes involve unequal chore division, often spilling onto children, as here, where the teen feels forced to advocate. The father’s prior divorces may heighten his sensitivity, but his refusal to engage is immature, leaving the teen caught in adult issues.

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This highlights broader issues of responsibility in families. Dr. Lerner advises, “Teens need space to express frustration without carrying parental burdens.” The girl should focus on supporting her mom, let her dad process, and avoid further marital commentary.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit tackled this family clash like it’s a chore chart showdown. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

Itchy_Radio7306 − NTA. As a daughter of a man very similar to the way you described your father, he is using weaponized incompetence and the silent treatment as manipulation. You weren’t out of the realm of possibilities by saying what you said (I know because after 18 longggg years my mom finally divorced my dad).

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It may have sounded harsh to him but that’s because people with no accountability for their actions will always feel attacked. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your mom would be better off without him. As far as the silent treatment goes,

it hurts and it’s childish and annoying but the best thing you can do is look straight through him. Play the game back. It won’t take long before he’s pretending like everything is fine again as he’s waited on hand and foot.

aj_alva − NTA. My favorite part of this is you voicing concerns you and your mother share about his lack of help around the home.... and his response is to go hide in his shed rather than actually doing anything to fix the problem. (Did he ever do the laundry?)

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I feel like you also have to explain to your mother how this makes you feel - that she is constantly placing your dads feelings and comfort over both of yours... Is this the kind of relationship she wants for you when you are older?

Also, make it clear that it's pretty impossible to drift away from only one parent after moving out - you **don't** want to get to a point (in a few short years) where you stop coming around at all because you don't want to watch/hear/deal with it anymore.

Academic-Exchange864 − NTA. I think you were a little outside of ur bounds but you should realize that ur 16 and you really shouldn’t step into ur parents marital problems. It’s frustrating and unfair but snapping won’t solve anything. He’s acting like a child by just ignoring you so maybe just let it go.

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He as heard ur sorry you don’t have to repeat it. Your only job as a kid is to learn from your parents especially their mistakes and carry those lessons into the future. Just tell your mom you are there for her and do your best to live your childhood without worrying about your dad’s problems. Be a kid and let the adults deal with it. Don’t let this rest on your shoulders.

ChronicDreamer33 − A hit dog will hollar.

am-bi-tious − I mean NTA for what you said to him, and you're right he should step up or she should leave him. It's not fair you are more responsible than your father, both around the house and for his feelings. That's said you did put your mom in an awkward spot by speaking for her without speaking to her. Apologize to her.

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Willing_Airport_7333 − NTA - your dad is a moron. To not speak to your child for three days is wild.

peoriagrace − Don't let his silent treatment hurt you. You've tried to apologize, the rest is on him. He's not your responsibility. Sorry your Dad is being so immature.

awkwardferret421 − NTA. As long as your mom is on the same page. If she’s in agreement with you then your dad deserves to know how lazy he is and needs to be told to help out. Sometimes you can’t get through to men without saying something like this. It’s baffling.

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StellaNoir − NTA. I don't understand these comments saying but you as a child hurt your dad's feelings and therefore you're just as culpable. He's a grown man, tell his Gen X ass apathy isn't cool and you don't get to ignore your child for telling you harsh things. You're literally still in learning mode for how all this works and your father being unable to showcase healthy emotional responses days later is a disservice to you both.

Yes it was harsh, maybe it was even out of line, but you're much more aware of your parents' relationship dynamic than anyone on this forum. Maybe your mom would never leave him, maybe she's thinking about it once you go to college, but dad needs to be able to hear harsh things sometimes and react like the adult in the room.

Moist-Reference3092 − NTA. Childish, selfish people react like that when someone points out a possible consequence of their actions. And that he is ignoring you is toeing the line of mental abuse- not ok to do against anyone and you’re his child ffs! Stop helping him, only do stuff that benefits you and your mom.

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These bold takes scrub deep, but do they miss nuances? Is the dad manipulative, or just stung?

This laundry-fueled family feud exposes the weight of unspoken resentment and teenage truth-telling. The girl’s sharp warning to her idle dad, met with his icy silence, sparks a debate about responsibility, communication, and family roles. What would you do if a parent’s inaction pushed you to speak out? Share your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this tense household tangle!

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