WIBTAH for breaking up with my bf because he wants to be a father to his nephew?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Four years into a cozy romance, a 24-year-old woman thought she and her boyfriend were on the same page: no kids, just vibes. But after moving in together, his heartstrings got tugged by his sister’s baby, personally liable for the child’s upbringing. For a gal who’s staunchly childfree, this plot twist feels like a rom-com veering into family drama territory, complete with a lease and a moral quandary.

Her boyfriend’s noble quest to be a father figure is sweet, but it’s left her staring at a future she never signed up for. As he pours his wallet and soul into his nephew, she’s wrestling with whether love can bridge this gap. Readers might feel her tug-of-war: when does supporting your partner mean sacrificing your own path? Let’s unpack this heartfelt mess.

‘WIBTAH for breaking up with my bf because he wants to be a father to his nephew?’

I tried posting this on another sub but I think it got marked as spam. Throwaway for the usual reasons. I(24F) have been with my boyfriend(27M) for a little over 4 years now. We recently moved in together 2 months ago.

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My boyfriend has a younger sister (20F) who had a baby boy last year and the father isn’t in the picture.  The day he was born my boyfriend opened up some savings accounts for him and has been putting money in them and investing it regularly.

The baby’s 1st birthday was a few weeks ago and we went and had a great time with his family. After getting home from the party he asked me if we could talk, he proceeded to tell me that he was heavily considering moving back in with his parents so he could be there for his sister and her baby.

He said it was upsetting to him knowing that his sister’s BD wasn’t in the picture and he wanted to do everything he could to be there for him and be the father he needs. He continued saying that the baby’s party made him realize how quickly time flies especially with young kids and if he wanted to be the good father he planned to be he needed to be there for his “son” as early as possible.

Him referring to his nephew as his son caught me off guard as I’d never heard him refer to him that way before, but that’s not really the issue here. The thing is I’ve never wanted kids, when we met I told him I didn’t want kids and throughout the years we’ve been together that hasn’t changed.

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He has also told me that he doesn’t really want kids either. I guess things changed when he saw his sister have to go through the motions of being a single mother and being the loving brother he is wants to be able to be there for her through it all. I know that this means that I’ll have to be a guardian for him by proxy, and I really don’t want that.

I cannot stress enough how much I really don’t want kids, and don’t want to be around them 24/7. He also said that he would feel bad about breaking the lease since it’s only been two months, and that he would continue paying his half of the rent but will be staying at his parents house most of the week in order to be a present “father”.

Ever since the baby was born not only has he been putting money into his savings account but he has been spending basically all of his disposable income on everything the baby needs. He hasn’t bought anything for himself like clothes, shoes, video games, or anything that he would normally buy for himself.

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He says that he plans on being fully financially responsible for him because that’s what a father does. I know most people would think that this is such an amazing quality to have, and I’m not saying it’s not but it’s just not where I am in my life right now to have a child or be with someone with a child.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m valid for feeling this way but it’s been bothering me. My bestie said I would be the a-hole because he’s doing a good thing. Do I need therapy? Am I wrong for thinking this way? Should I just get over it and stay with him and live my life with my boyfriend and a bonus son? WIBTAH if I broke up with him over this?

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Talk about a curveball in coupledom! This woman’s boyfriend is all-in for his nephew, calling him “son” and eyeing a fatherly role, which is admirable but a total 180 from their kid-free pact. Her discomfort’s valid—she didn’t sign up for co-parenting by proxy, especially not 24/7. His plan to live elsewhere while paying rent is a Band-Aid on a deeper rift: their life goals are diverging faster than a fork in the road.

The issue’s about alignment. She’s childfree; he’s stepping into dad mode, driven by his sister’s single-mom struggles. A 2023 study from Pew Research found 44% of couples split over differing views on parenting, often when one partner’s priorities shift. His financial and emotional commitment to the baby shows love, but it sidelines her needs.

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Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Shared dreams are the glue of relationships” (Gottman Institute). Here, the boyfriend’s new dream clashes with her core values. She could propose a heart-to-heart to explore compromises, like him supporting his sister without fully relocating. If he’s unwavering, breaking up might be kinder than forcing a fit. Therapy could help her process this, but her feelings are valid.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit squad rolled in like a lively book club, serving opinions spicier than a taco truck. Here’s the raw buzz from the crowd:

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EmergencyPainting616 − NTA - honestly I find the whole situation pretty strange, especially your partner referring to his nephew as his son. There’s nothing wrong with supporting his sister and her child, but I feel like your partner is getting carried away.. This will 100% impact you and your relationship if you choose to stay with him

fucksiclepizza − NTA does his sister know he's referring to her kid as his son and calling himself the father coz that's fuckin weird.

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coppeliuseyes − NTA. There's something about this dynamic that is deeply unsettling to me and to be honest, I think you're better keeping clear of this situation and ending the relationship.

Crafty_Special_7052 − NTA it does seem weird that he’s referring to his nephew as his son. But besides that obviously his opinions regarding kids probably has changed. With his nephew entering the picture he may now want kids of his own. There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with him because you do not want kids.

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bino0526 − That's his kid.

No-Bet5755 − I would also like to add that since that conversation about three weeks ago he’s been spending M-F at his parents and the weekend here at the apartment with me, I genuinely feel like I’m hallucinating and have been stuck in freeze mode since the convo took place I haven’t been able to find the courage to say anything.

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sadsun2day − No you won't be TA. I think your bf is too attached to his nephew, he probably have lots of affection for his sister and it got passed to her child especially in his vulnerable situation. He could've secured a better future for him and been a good father figure while staying an uncle with a separate life, yet he is basically trying to be the kid's father by moving closer and calling him his son.

He is free to adopt a father role as long as his sister allows it, and this isn't something you can help with, so what you are left with is whether you want to be involved in this rather unconventional dynamic or not and you obviously don't, so unfortunately the relationship between you and him is now over.

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If you wish to have a conversation with him about it you need to focus on you and your relationship with him, don't let him make it about his nephew or his sister and you. Tell him that you understand his decision to be more involved and making his nephew a priority and that you can't decide for him what to do with his family but you decide what to do with your relationship.

Bring up how you not wanting to have a child extends also to this situation as it puts you in a caregiver role even if it's part time. I am sorry your relationship has to end like that but I hope you meet someone who shares your same views.

Born_Rain_1166 − Is his sister's name Cersei? just curious.

ashleeasshole − … did he f**k his sister?

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Idobeleiveinkarma − The BF is going overboard here, and it's kind of unsettling.. OP, he wants kids, and you definitely don't. Your relationship is doomed. Also, when BF sister starts dating again, and eventually marries, what does BF think will happen? He'll be cast aside as he's no longer needed.

These takes range from praising his heart to backing her boundaries, but do they capture the full weight of love versus lifestyle? It’s a heated chat, and this woman’s caught in the middle.

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This tale of love and unexpected duty reminds us that relationships thrive on shared visions—or flounder without them. Her stand for a childfree life isn’t selfish; it’s honest. His devotion to his nephew is noble, but it’s redrawing their future. Have you ever faced a partner’s sudden life change that rocked your world? What would you do if love meant living someone else’s dream? Drop your thoughts and keep the convo flowing!

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