AITA for telling my mom I deserve a say in my own Sweet 16 after I paid for most of it?

Picture a 16-year-old girl, her piggy bank cracked open, pouring hard-earned cash into a dream: her Sweet 16, a cultural milestone shimmering with promise. This teen, raised in the shadow of a controlling mother and her meddling best friend, scraped together funds from an under-the-table job to secure a venue and a dress, only to watch her plans vanish. Without a word of discussion, her mother and friend canceled the party, dismissing her efforts like pocket change. When she dared to demand a say, her phone was snatched, her social media erased, and her voice branded “ungrateful.”

This isn’t just a party gone bust—it’s a clash of autonomy against control, a teen’s fight to be heard in a home where her voice is muffled. Reddit’s AITA community rallies around this young trailblazer, unpacking parental overreach and the weight of standing tall at 16. Can she reclaim her moment, or is she doomed to silence? Let’s dive into this fiery family saga.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for telling my mom I deserve a say in my own Sweet 16 after I paid for most of it?’

I’m 16F and I’ve basically been raising myself emotionally for years. My dad was never really around and he passed away, so it’s been just me and my mom (45F). She loves to constantly remind me that she “put a roof over my head” like that’s some prize-winning achievement for a parent.

Anytime I speak up, she flips it into how she’s the victim and I’m this horrible, ungrateful child. Since I was little, she’s let her best friend co-parent me which really just means they’ve treated me like garbage together. Her best friend has always been controlling and rude, and even thinks I’m gay and has literally tried to punish me over it.

My mom just goes along with it. Now here’s the kicker: for my Sweet 16 (which is a big deal in my culture), I’ve been saving up from an under-the-table job. I helped to pay for the venue. I paid for the dress. I’ve put in way more effort and money than a child should ever have to.

ADVERTISEMENT

And once everything was almost ready, my mom and her best friend decided they’re going to cancel the whole thing. No discussion. Just canceled. So I said, “Hey, I helped pay for this, and this is supposed to be MY party, I deserve a say.” Apparently that was me having an attitude.

She took my phone, made me delete social media, and said if I want the party so bad, I should pay for everything and “get a real job.” Except here’s the plot twist—she won’t let me get a work permit, a license, or even go to interviews without a fight.

I finally got interviews anyway and now she’s calling me “ungrateful” and saying I’m trying to raise myself like that’s a bad thing. I feel like no matter what I do, I get punished. I try to stand up for myself, I get silenced. I try to work, I’m disrespectful. I try to take control of my own life, and suddenly I’m the villain? So yeah. AITA for telling my mom I deserve a say in MY Sweet 16 after I basically paid for it?

ADVERTISEMENT

At 16, funding your own Sweet 16 is a badge of grit, but having it yanked away by a parent screams control, not care. The teen’s mother, backed by her overbearing friend, didn’t just cancel a party—they erased their daughter’s agency, a move that stings deeper than a lost deposit. Punishing her for speaking up, with phone confiscation and social media bans, escalates this into emotional coercion.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychology expert, notes, “Adolescents thrive when given autonomy over meaningful milestones, especially when they’ve invested personally” . The friend’s involvement, including baseless assumptions about the teen’s identity, adds a layer of intrusive overreach.

The teen’s resilience—securing interviews despite barriers—shows strength, but her mother’s “ungrateful” label is gaslighting, designed to guilt her into submission. Dr. Damour advises teens in such dynamics to seek allies, like teachers or relatives, to advocate for them. This teen could document her contributions to the party and share her story with a trusted adult, potentially shaming her mother into accountability. Long-term, saving for independence at 18 is key.

ADVERTISEMENT

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit roared in like a protective big sibling, slinging support, strategies, and some righteous anger. It’s like a pep rally where everyone’s cheering for the underdog. Here’s the unfiltered buzz:

philautos − You would deserve it even if you hadn't paid for it. As it is, if this has resulted in her having your cash, she is (morally, but unfortunately perhaps not legally, speaking) a THIEF. . It doesn't sound like your mother has earned any respect.  Forcing you to delete your socials should be recognized as abusive,

but unfortunately the people who get to decide what's recognized as abusive are likely to be parents. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. Try to remember, when you are an adult, what it was like to be a minor, so that you can speak up, as I am doing now. . Meanwhile, happy birthday! Sixteen down, two to go before you are free.. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

Iataaddicted25 − Your mother sounds like a narcissist. Tell her that you will tell everyone that you worked to pay for your party but she cancelled it. Also, tell a trusted adult (as teachers or other relatives) about the abuse. Better, tell everyone about the abuse. Shame her. Narcissistic people are all about appearances, so make her abuse public.

OooooorahNZ − NTA - She's controlling you deliberately and using her parental authority to flex, regardless of what it costs you.. For future reference, there is a subreddit r/EstrangedAdultKids. I'mma just leave this here for no apparent reason....

nigrivamai − NTA. I relate to this so much omg. My Father is the same way. You can't do nun right in this kinds person's eyes. They swear you owe them something before being brought into this world and them doing the bare minimum to take care of you.

ADVERTISEMENT

He literally forced me multiple time to say thank you for providing me housing, food etc. I wish I had advice for you but this is really the kinda situation where you just get your life in order DESPITE them holding you back and cut ties as soon as you can. I couldn't wait to move away from that mf and never interact with him again.. You're very headstrong, love that for you. Good luck kid

Alternative_Fill_420 − NTA, this sounds just like my mom. Narcissist. Always playing victim and trying to control everything. I was told I had to “worship” the ground she walked on because she brought me into the world. I should be kissing her feet because she was my mom. I left the house at 18 and never looked back.

Do the same as soon as you can. Only gets worse. I’m 32 now and even though I’ve tried having a relationship with her it just doesn’t work. Going no contact with her is the best thing I’ve ever done for my own mental health. Run for the hills!

ADVERTISEMENT

catpogo2 − 2 short years to freedom. Work under the table. Hide all your money. Do not tell your mom about your money or job. If she finds out about your job tell her you make less than what you actually make so you can hide some money to move out. Next thing you know your mom will start charging you room and board. I am sorry that you have a mother like this!!

mu5tbetheone − So your mother and her best friend think it's ok to steal from a kid? Because you don't mention that you got your money back? Then get pissy because they cancelled the party you paid for without reason? And you're wondering if you're an AH. No, absolutely not.

And so f'ing what if you we're gay? As a lesbian, I would never want my children to be gay because I know firsthand life just isn't as easy for when you are, but I wouldn't punish my child because they were.

ADVERTISEMENT

They will get enough stigma and judgement from the rest of the world without their parents chiming in, too! These women sound disgusting. If they think you're gay, they should be supportive and help you navigate your emotions, not punishing you.

Sassquatchhh2 − NTA. You’re literally being gaslit in your own life. You paid for the party, you put in the effort, and your mom + her friend are acting like it’s their event to control or cancel? That’s wild. And then taking your phone and cutting off your independence for standing up for yourself? Yeah, that’s not parenting, that’s control. You sound incredibly strong for handling all of this at 16. Keep standing up for yourself you’re not the problem here.

ZookeepergameWise774 − NTA. Two choices, and the second one does depend on whether or not you have a friend or a family member you could stay with, because it IS a nuclear option, and would only work if you have somewhere to go.

ADVERTISEMENT

One is to accept this situation, start saving every penny you can, and walk out the door on your eighteenth birthday, and never look back. It will be a hard two years, and I have no doubt your mother will do her best to sabotage you, constantly.

The other is to tell your mother (and her abusive friend) that if they don’t change their minds on this,you will tell EVERYONE, all your friends, the neighbours, any family members you’re in touch with, the people you work with…. everyone. You tell them how much you paid. You tell them about the “friend” having power over you.

Ruin their reputation. And when they start screaming…. ask them to tell you ONE THING you are lying about. Ask your mother to pinpoint ONE OCCASION that she stood up for you. As I say, this would only work if you have somewhere to go.. Only you know your life. Only you know what your situation is.

ADVERTISEMENT

elolvido − this appears to be AI generated rage-bait, based on the long dashes and quotation mark usage

These Redditors crowned the teen a hero, called her mother’s actions theft, and urged her to plan for freedom at 18. Some suggested public shaming to flip the script; others saw echoes of their own battles with narcissistic parents. But do these fiery takes fuel her fight, or just fan the flames of family tension?

The teen’s stand for her Sweet 16 wasn’t just about a party—it was a cry for respect in a home that drowns her voice. Her mother’s control, paired with a friend’s toxic meddling, turned a milestone into a battleground, but this 16-year-old’s grit shines through. As she navigates punishment and plots her path to freedom, she’s asking Reddit: Was she wrong to demand a say in her self-funded celebration? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this bold chat blazing!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *