AITAH For Telling My Sister She Doesn’t Deserve Our Mom’s Attention And Sympathy After Finding Out Her Fiancé Cheated?

A family fractured by infidelity faces fresh wounds when a 26-year-old woman calls out her younger sister, Bayla, for seeking their mother’s comfort after her fiancé’s betrayal. Years ago, their father’s affair tore the family apart, yet Bayla embraced his mistress, dismissing their mother’s pain with quips like “cheating happens.” Now, stung by her own partner’s cheating, Bayla expects sympathy, only to be rebuffed by her sister’s blunt truth.

The sister’s words, sharp as a winter wind, ignite a family firestorm, with their father and his allies branding her cruel. As Bayla grapples with her pain, readers will feel the weight of old scars and new betrayals. Was the sister’s honesty a justified jab or a step too far? This tale dives into loyalty, hypocrisy, and the long shadow of family secrets.

‘AITAH For Telling My Sister She Doesn’t Deserve Our Mom’s Attention And Sympathy After Finding Out Her Fiancé Cheated?’

I (26f) have a younger sister 'Bayla' (23f) and we've had a tense relationship for the past ten years. Back when I was 6 and she was 3 our dad (47m) cheated on our mom (47f) which destroyed the family.

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My mom was working hard in med school and while also trying to parent me and my dad was the type of man who was resentful that my mom had the audacity to find a way to continue school instead of dropping out and being a wife to him.  Instead of talking to my mom, became passive aggressive, would try to sabotage, and eventually started his affair with my stepmom 'Judy' (44f).

Something my mom find out about after coming home and catching them in her bed. Bayla and I were really young so my mom decided to not to tell us the truth and Judy used that to get in our good graces. I was always polite and but distance but Bayla was young enough for it to work and it wasn't long before she started calling Judy 'mom,' which really ticked off my mom but Judy and my dad loved it.

I found out the truth when I was 10 and became a lot more cold and angry whenever I had to good to my dad's place. My mom tried to put me into therapy but Judy and my paternal grandma didn't think it was needed so my dad wouldn't consent to it which my mom had to take him to court over.

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When Bayla was 13 she started getting on me about refusing to want to do anything with Judy for Mother's Day as well as not helping convince our mom to share the day with Judy since they were both our moms, and I snapped and told her the truth.

She didn't believe it at first but when Judy's brother confirmed it she did sulk about it for about a week but then went back to being loving towards Judy. In her words 'it was a long time ago,' 'cheating happens,' 'you can't stop love,' and 'that everything worked out in the end.'

She said that frequently to mom and started a campaign to try and force our mom to forgive dad and accept Judy. She actually said that she would be a bad mom if she hated our dad and Judy more than she could love her. To her credit my mom did try but Judy was such a passive aggressive mean girl witch that mom just washed her hands of the situation.

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When it was time for Bayla's high school graduation she gave our mom and ultimatum, either sit next to Judy for the entire ceremony and pay for her and our dad's share of the bill for dinner (my mom would going to pay for everyone else but them) or she won't be invited to her graduation at all.

Our mom sat out the graduation and didn't attend the dinner. Judy made a post about how evil some mothers can be for not putting their child first which Bayla liked and shared, and mom took back the car she gave Bayla. It was still in her name. Our mom still paid for Bayla's college tuition but she wouldn't pay for her room and board like she did more me and accused our mom of favoritism.

After that Bayla and mom went VLC and that's how it's been for years. During this time Bayla met, dated, and got engaged to Ethan (26m). She did send mom an invited but I think that was just to get some money out of it, but unfortunately the engagement was off because Ethan ended up cheating and Bayla found this out after going to the doctor and finding out she caught something from him.

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Bayla reached out to mom but she got was a 'I'm sorry you're going through this' text. Bayla was furious, but I told her given how she treated our mom and dismissed what dad and Judy actions she shouldn't expect much. Bayla, my dad, Judy, and some paternal relatives are calling me an A but am I?

Family rifts rooted in infidelity can fester for years, and this sister’s confrontation with Bayla unearths deep wounds. Bayla’s dismissal of their mother’s pain, paired with her cozy bond with the affair partner, set a stage for hypocrisy when her own relationship crumbles. The sister’s harsh words reflect frustration but also a fierce loyalty to their mother, who endured years of disrespect.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner explains, “Unresolved betrayal in families often fuels cycles of blame and disconnection” (source). Bayla’s past minimization of cheating likely stung harder given her current plight. A 2022 study found 40% of young adults struggle to reconcile parental infidelity, impacting sibling bonds (source).

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The sister could foster healing by calmly discussing her feelings with Bayla, perhaps acknowledging her pain while reinforcing boundaries. Family therapy might help.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit lit up with support for the sister, tossing Bayla’s own words back at her with a side of biting sarcasm. The community’s takes are as bold as the sister’s stance—here’s what they said:

Artistic-Tough-7764 − NTA - the Forgiveness Bus is a ride set up by people who do awful things and don't want long term consequences.

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LeoTheStrange − In her words: 'cheating happens' 'you can't stop love'. Think I would have harshly reminded her of those words.. Your sister can go cry to the cheating dad for sympathy.. You and your mom are definitely NTA's here. Ps. I think your mom is an absolute star for going through studies, raise kids and deal with a cheater plus the one he cheated with.

No_Cockroach4248 − NTA, why is Bayla upset? If she can insist your mom should forgive your dad and Judy, she should forgive Ethan and his AP and attend their wedding and send a very expensive present or pay for their wedding dinner.

Beneficial_Test_5917 − Dad and his relatives, and Bayla who's been brainwashed from an early age, think you're the bad one. Everyone else without a bias rightly thinks you are NTA. Stick with Mom in this whole mess.

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Juan858585 − NTA. If its not important that your father was cheating its not important her fiance cheated

LittleStarClove − Why is she so bitter? Cheating happens.  You can't stop love. Throw back all her lines into her face. 

MrsJingles0729 − NTA - your sister needs to buy the ex and his new love dinner now.

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[Reddit User] − Oh how lovely for Bayla's partner that he found love because after all you can't stop it and it seems like everything will work out in the end because cheating happen right? It'll all be a long time ago soon enough.'  It's karma. Bayla threw a lot of hate into the world with her relationship with her mother and that karma came back to her experiencing the pain her mother went through.

She's lucky she didn't have kids with the guy and a stepmom/new wife to deal with. Take your mom out for a spa day. Fancy meal the works. Post a picture about it and say how this woman means the absolute world to you. She has been put through so much crap but despite that she is such a loving a kind soul. . Bathe in your sister's karma and quietly gloat from the sidelines. 

exmo82 − Poor Bayla. Just tell her it’ll all work out in the end. She can’t stop love. It just happens like this sometimes. Just look at how happy it made her and Judy. (I’m being sarcastic here. Just thought I’d disclose that so no one gets mad at me.)

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[Reddit User] − You and your mother are great people. The other members of your family are trash. And it’s time to dispose the trash. NTA

These Reddit zingers pack a punch, but do they miss the deeper pain in this family? Maybe Bayla’s youth shaped her views, or perhaps her hypocrisy earned this wake-up call.

From a father’s affair to a sister’s sharp rebuke, this story weaves a tapestry of betrayal, loyalty, and karma. The woman’s refusal to let Bayla’s hypocrisy slide sparked family fury but also shone a light on old wounds. Was she a truth-teller or too harsh? It’s in the gray area of family ties and tough love. What would you do if your sibling dismissed your parent’s pain, then sought their sympathy? Drop your thoughts in the comments—let’s keep this conversation alive!

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