AITAH for not giving my ex-girlfriend any money after we broke up?

A two-year romance ends amicably, but the aftermath stirs a thorny dilemma. A 30-year-old man, flush with wealth, supported his ex-girlfriend’s move to the US, covering her rent, car, and tuition. Now, post-breakup, she’s in a bind and asking for a financial settlement to offset the life she left behind. His refusal, grounded in the absence of a marriage or legal obligation, leaves her struggling and him questioning his choice.

Her request tugs at heartstrings, but his stance feels firm: love doesn’t come with a payout clause. As she faces an uncertain future, readers will wrestle with the tension between empathy and fairness. Did he dodge a bullet or leave her in the lurch? This story dives into the messy gray area of love, sacrifice, and money.

‘AITAH for not giving my ex-girlfriend any money after we broke up?’

So my ex 28F and I 30M were together for about 2 years We broke up a couple months ago on good terms no drama no cheating just felt like we were heading in different directions Thing is she moved to the US from overseas to be with me and when she did she left a lot behind including dropping out of school.

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While we were together I paid for pretty much everything.. I mean rent bills her car lease her tuition visa stuff etc I was in a position to do it because I had come into a good amount of money through investments and inheritance and a win on Stake US that set me for life. And I never minded covering things while we were together.

And she wasn't working because I was happy for her to run the home. She never worked while she lived here we always kind of treated it like “my money is our money” but only in the sense that I was happy to support us Now that we’ve split she’s asking if I’d be open to giving her a financial settlement to “recognise what she gave up for me”.

Like she feels she should be compensated for the time and sacrifices she made To be clear I didn’t ask her to drop out or move she chose to and I supported her the whole time I do feel bad that she’s now in a rough spot but at the same time we’re not married and I don’t think I owe her money just because we broke up. AITAH for saying no?

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Breakups can expose the hidden costs of love, especially when one partner uproots their life. The man’s ex made a bold leap, leaving school and stability to join him, only to face hardship post-split. His refusal to pay, while legally sound, raises questions about moral responsibility. Was her dependency a mutual choice or his unspoken expectation?

Relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “Financial dynamics in relationships often reflect unspoken power imbalances” . Here, the man’s wealth enabled a lifestyle where she didn’t work, potentially limiting her independence. A 2021 Pew study found 25% of women in cohabiting relationships face financial instability after breakups (source).

Offering to cover her flight home or visa costs could be a compassionate middle ground, easing her transition without setting a precedent.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s take? A lively mix of support for the man’s stance and nudges to consider her plight, served with a dash of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

DamiaSugar − Perhaps fund the ticket to return her to her home

Virtual-System-4324 − i was pretty invested in this story.. i demand compensation!

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moderatenormal − NTA. It's icky for her to even ask. Let grown adults do the grown adult thing.

EntertainmentClean99 − See this is why you don't give up everything for someone you're not gonna marry... NTA

Plus_Competition3316 − The only thing I’d have been willing to do before she even asked would’ve been to pay for her flight to her home country. What I will say is though, you built her environment for her where she was handed everything to her. So it’s not surprising she’s asking.

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Bartok_The_Batty − I’m guessing that she was on a student VISA. If so, how was she going to work?

Anxious-Ad-5048 − I would say no, you have no children and no marriage, no mortgage or joint savings = so no obligation to her from the point you are broken up. 

RockApeGear − There's the way you tell it, the way she sees it, and the way it happened. Sounds like she was your wife without the benefit of legal protection. Giving her enough to get home and in a safe environment is the least you should do. She's not entitled or deserving of half of your wealth, but taking care of her to know she's in a safe place would be the right thing to do.

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MorningLanky3192 − I'm reluctantly going with NAH rather than N-T-A as I'm wondering exactly how reliable you are as a narrator. Reddit loves to jump on people who appear to be leeching off their partner - often justifiably so - and you've certainly phrased your post to pose her in that light. But I do wonder: did she choose not to work or was she unable to due to visa restrictions?

Yes, she made the choice to leave her home without a safety net and that was unwise. But does 'happy to support her' maybe translate to multiple conversations where you assured her you were planning on marriage (and a visa that would enable her to continue to study and work) and pressure to move because you absolutely had enough for both of you and you were building a life together.

You're not obligated to pay anything. But, if any of the above is true, the kind thing to do would be to at least pay for her flights and other expenses to help her get back on her feet. She did make a much bigger sacrifice for your relationship which you were happy to reap the benefits of.

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She is now also the one paying a much higher price for the breakup, and having to unravel her whole life after 2 years (which, in my experience, is just about how much time it takes to feel settled after an international move).

Sea_Dot_1765 − ESH (borderline INFO): first off what were the two of you thinking? You really thought you could have this woman move overseas, not work, take care of your home, and then just walk away if you decided you didn’t like it anymore? Even if she can work that’s a hell of a position to put someone in and a hell of a position she put herself in.

Both of you should have thought about this as a possible outcome and had a plan. Her not having any financial independence was a huge risk for both of you. Second, if you imagine for a minute that her taking care of the home was her “job” then it’s reasonable that she would be entitled to a severance package.. Third, IF you were married, this is a textbook example of why alimony exists.

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Because she wasn’t actually employed and you weren’t married you’re right you don’t owe her anything nor are you obligated to give her anything. But man.. I hope you both learn from this experience. At the very least help her get home and/or find stability. You don’t need to support her completely or long term but to say you don’t owe her anything is harsh.

These Reddit hot takes are sharp, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe she misjudged her risks, or perhaps he underestimated her sacrifices.

From a breakup to a bold cash request, this man’s story peels back the layers of love and financial entanglement. His refusal to pay his ex for her sacrifices sparked a firestorm of opinions, balancing legal rights against human compassion. Was he fair or cold-hearted? It’s a question that probes the heart of relationships and responsibility. What would you do if an ex asked for money after a split? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this debate rolling!

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