[UPDATE 4] AITA for calling the cops on my brother after he stole from me?

A month after a woman turned to the law to address her brother’s theft, the family home simmers with unspoken grudges. Her brother skates by with superficial gestures, her mother pleads for reconciliation while sidestepping accountability, and she quietly signs a lease to reclaim her peace. As she prepares to leave, the tension lingers like a storm waiting to break.

This slow-burn family saga crackles with the weight of betrayal and boundaries. Can trust ever rebuild when no one owns the damage?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post, Update 2, Update 3

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‘[UPDATE 4] AITA for calling the cops on my brother after he stole from me?

It’s been about a month since my last update and honestly, I was hoping things would just settle. Spoiler: they didn’t. Things have been quiet on the surface, but super passive-aggressive underneath. My brother is still doing the bare minimum to avoid direct conflict with me, but he hasn’t apologized properly.

Just a few fake nice moments, like offering me a snack or acting like everything’s chill. No actual accountability. The real twist? My mom recently asked me if I’d consider “moving past it” and trying to rebuild the relationship. She said he’s “maturing” and “feeling isolated” because of the distance between us.

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I said sure, I’ll move past it—as soon as someone acknowledges that what he did was straight-up wrong and not just a dumb teenage mistake.. She didn’t really respond to that. Just got quiet and walked away. At this point I’ve got a move-out date. I found a small place and signed the lease last week.

I haven’t told my brother yet, and I’m lowkey curious how he’ll react. I think part of him still believes I’m bluffing. Anyway, didn’t think I’d still be updating a month later but this whole thing has turned into the longest slow-burn family drama I’ve ever seen.

Appreciate everyone who stuck around and reminded me I’m not the villain for expecting basic trust and boundaries. I’ll update if anything wild happens when I move out. Fingers crossed it’s uneventful, but with my family? Who knows.

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Family ties can fray when betrayal goes unaddressed, and this woman’s ordeal highlights the cost of enabling. Her brother’s refusal to own his theft, paired with her mother’s push to “move past it,” dismisses her valid pain. By planning to move out, she’s prioritizing her mental health, a move experts endorse when family dynamics turn toxic.

Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Enabling shields offenders but alienates victims.” Studies show 60% of family conflicts persist when accountability is dodged, often pushing members to distance themselves, as she’s doing. Her mother’s silence when pressed for acknowledgment reveals a pattern of prioritizing harmony over justice.

This situation reflects broader issues of family dysfunction. Dr. Coleman advises, “Victims must set firm boundaries, even if it means distance.” She should protect her new space, limit contact, and freeze her credit to safeguard against future theft.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit dove into this family feud with the intensity of a courtroom drama. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

Limp_Pipe1113 − He's not maturing or he would have apologised and taken accountability. Your mom is still enabling him, still blaming you for what happened, the sooner you move out and limit or go nc with your mom, brother, father, and anyone siding with them the better.. They do not respect you at all.

Tennis-Wooden − Dude, the same thing happened to me. I actually got arrested and taken to jail multiple times, he cleaned out my bank account, was using my license when he got pulled over and never showing up to court. My mom begged me not to report him. He’s struggling with d**g addiction and he just needs a time, etc. etc. etc…

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The first time I didn’t report him. I thought I was being a good brother and a good son, boy was I being an i**ot. It was after the cops threw me in handcuffs while I was taking care of my three month old baby by myself, with me having to throw my child at a neighbor and beg her to call my wife,

That I decided I’d had enough of the b**lshit - and a friend of mine told me something really valuable: when someone is like that- helping them is really just enabling bad behavior.. He ended up going to jail for about a decade for a variety of things. He never really apologized, he always kept trying to pretend like we could just “move on.

Why dwell in the past? That was so long ago.” F**k that noise. I am now very low contact with him in general, pretty much just information about Mom as needed, and I realized that if he felt the same way about me as I felt about our relationship, then he would never have done any of this in the first place.

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In retrospect, I hurt myself and my family by trying to extend a helping hand, and he was incapable of appreciating that or doing right by me in any meaningful sense. Your brother’s inability to take responsibility is no longer your problem. Your unwillingness to put up with it is the mature and correct thing to do.

I love my brother and I want him to do well, but he can do all that anywhere away from me. If your brother genuinely wants to fix the mess he made, he can figure out how to do that, it’s not your responsibility to clear the lane, lay down the track, and push him to the finish line.

Your mom means well, but she’s lost and is grieving, so she’s not making rational decisions, she’s making emotional pleas. You need to let her know how deeply offensive it is, and how fundamentally wrong it is- demanding the victim make all the effort

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and take responsibility for something the offender won’t make any effort to fix isn’t what a responsible parent would demand of their child.. Feel free to show this to her and ask her what she thinks.. Getting your own space is probably a good move. Best of luck to you.

Careless-Image-885 − NTA. Stick to your boundaries. Make sure you don't allow your brother in your new place. Edit to add: Don't tell your parents/brother where you live. Your parents should be ashamed of their actions as well as your brother's. Your brother is not mature. He's a thief. Your parents are teaching him that it's okay to take something because he wants it. Looking at his actions, sounds like he has a d**g addiction.

Mean_Muffin161 − I still love that everything is on you. Stole from you, stole from mom, never said sorry. He matured in one month but only on the inside? I can’t wait to hear what happens when you leave

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FeekyDoo − In one of your previous updates you said that you mom was not going to tackle things with your Brother incase it pushes him away, you need to tell her that she has successfully pushed you away.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 − NTA. Op, don’t give a spare keys to your parents or honestly your new address. Now that you’re out of the house your brother may think there is no reason why he can’t steal from you again don’t give him the opportunity. Get a camera doorbell they make holders for renters, and give your parents a PO Box let them forward you mail there.

I fear now that you moved out they know you’re serious and the pressure to ‘let it go ‘ will increase that’s why not letting them know where you live is a plus , let their harassment stay confined to calls and texts. The plus side is with you gone , he only had your parents and the neighbors to steal from, and once that starts happening they can really deny there is a problem and I doubt the neighbors will let it go either.

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Working-Paramedic912 − Honestly proud of you for standing your ground this long. Moving out sounds like the best kind of peace you can give yourself right now. Hope the new place brings nothing but quiet and freedom

Bjnboy − Your brother is an immature, spoiled, entitled brat, and your parents are solely to blame for how he turned out. As soon as you move out, go very, very low contact, and stop being the family doormat/punching bag. Let them deal with him when he inevitably turns on them.. Good for you in getting out of that messy situation.

Intelligent_Read_697 − NTA and a lot of folks are focused on the brother here but OP your mother's reaction is more telling. Your pain and suffering will never be acknowledged in this family it seems

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Astyryx − OP, FREEZE YOUR CREDIT RIGHT NOW. Call all four credit agencies (Experian, Equifax, TransUnion, and Innovis). It takes only a couple minutes. When you need to apply for credit (apartment, car, credit card), you give them a quick call, thaw your credit, then freeze it again.

Get your social security number somewhere safe. Divert ALL mail to your own post office box. Change banks to one where your parents and brother do not use. He's stealing money for a reason. Your parents are negligent and letting him do this.

The reason (drugs, alcohol, gambling) will get worse, and he'll be looking for ways to 'get you back' for holding him accountable. He's got a long, expensive way down, he's clearly going to drag your parents with him, so save yourself. 
These fiery takes cut to the core, but do they miss subtleties? Is the mother grieving, or just enabling?

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This ongoing saga of theft and trust exposes the cracks in family bonds when accountability falters. The woman’s move-out plan signals a bid for freedom, but her family’s refusal to face the truth keeps the wound fresh. What would you do if a loved one’s betrayal went unacknowledged? Drop your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this slow-burn family storm!

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