AITA for uninviting my friend’s plus one to my wedding by after they broke up?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a bride-to-be, her desk scattered with seating charts and floral sketches, dreaming of a drama-free wedding day bathed in June sunlight. But a text from her friend’s ex-girlfriend throws a wrench into the plans, stirring up tension faster than a misplaced RSVP. This 30-year-old woman, caught between loyalty to a longtime friend and an awkward request, faces a choice that could ripple through her big day.

Her decision to uninvite the ex, a plus-one no longer tied to her friend, ignites a spark of conflict. The ex is hurt, but the bride prioritizes peace and her friend’s comfort. Readers are drawn into the fray: was she right to draw a hard line, or should she have let the ex crash the party? This wedding dilemma demands a verdict.

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‘AITA for uninviting my friend’s plus one to my wedding by after they broke up?’

This bride-to-be turned to Reddit to unpack the messy situation with her friend’s ex and the wedding invite. Here’s her original post, laying out the drama.

I (F, 30) am getting married in June. One of my friends/coworkers of almost 10 years just broke up with his gf last week. They’ve been slowly breaking up for the past year, but finally called it last week. They’ve been together for 6 years I think, so I know the ex decently well.

She was friends with a couple of the girls in the group, but she and I never hung out one-on-one or even as two couples, I just saw her at group events. I also don’t like her very much. She is kind of a mooch and overall a very negative person. I also didn’t like how she spoke to my friend on numerous occasions (talking down to him) but was willing to be supportive while they were together.

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She also made my fiancé uncomfortable, like touchy sometimes. Now that they are broken up, she texted me and asked about her RSVP status. The website wouldn’t allow her to RSVP just for herself since she is attached to my friend as his date. She didn’t necessarily ask, she just said, “I am trying to RSVP for myself, if that’s okay with you.”

I replied and expressed some compassion for the breakup, but since I’ve been friends with the male for a long time and I wanted him to be able to enjoy the event with all of our mutual friends who are also attending, I said I’d prefer if just he went.

I also said it was a dynamic I was uncomfortable with on my wedding day, as it would presumably be the first time they saw each other post breakup since she flew back to another state to live with her family and they are no contact.

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I didn’t tell her this part, but I also have a medium sized wedding with many people on the backup list we would like to make room for that I actually want to see and interact with. She’s upset with me, understandably. But we don’t have a relationship outside of her now ex, and I didn’t want drama on my wedding day. Am I the a**hole?

Weddings are a delicate dance of joy and logistics, but plus-one drama can trip up even the best-laid plans. This bride uninvited her friend’s ex, a former plus-one, to avoid awkwardness at her wedding, especially since the breakup is fresh and the ex’s behavior raised red flags. The ex’s push to attend solo feels like overstepping, but her hurt response highlights clashing expectations.

The issue taps into wedding etiquette and boundary-setting. The bride’s loyalty lies with her friend, and her discomfort with the ex’s past actions—mooching, negativity, and inappropriate behavior—justifies her choice. A 2023 article in The Knot notes that 78% of couples prioritize guest list control to ensure a comfortable event.

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Etiquette expert Elaine Swann advises, “Your wedding, your rules—guests should enhance, not disrupt, your day”. Her perspective supports the bride’s decision to prioritize harmony. The ex’s assumption of an invite ignores her plus-one status.

The bride could soften the blow with a kind follow-up, reiterating her reasoning. The ex should respect the boundary.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit waded into this wedding drama with takes as bold as a bouquet toss. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, served with a sprinkle of humor—because even guest list spats need a laugh.

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Elegant_Bluebird_460 − NTA. You did the right thing. She's upset, but a big part of that probably has more to do with realizing her breakup means losing friends rather than just your response to her itself. She's going to have to adjust. That's not on you.

Smarterthanuthink867 − Absolutely NTA. She didn't ever receive an invitation. Your friend did. For all you know she would use your wedding to cause drama. Let her be upset with you. It's your wedding. You deserve to enjoy it.

Impossible_Rain_4727 − NTA: You didn't uninvite her. She was never an invited guest. She was simply an invited guest's plus one. That invited guest is the one who gets to choose who (if anyone) he brings as his plus one to the event.

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lobotomymammi − NTA; you feel bad because you seem like a nice person. However, this person isn’t your friend! It’s also slightly insane to think that she’s still invited to her ex’s friends wedding.

Aware_Welcome_8866 − Why is she understandably upset? Sounds like you were friends only in the context of her being friend’s SO. Maybe it’s understandable to her, but I doubt anyone who knows the situation would say the same. If the invitation went to Mike and Susie, only the briefest kind “no” is necessary.

If the invitation only went to Mike, then you say, “Mike makes the decision about his plus one.” You have been exceedingly kind to someone you’re not fond of and probably will never be in your life again. Props to you, but you can stop worrying about this. NTA. Have a fabulous, drama free wedding!

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Pale_Cranberry1502 − NTA.. You're not friends in your own right. She was a +1. End of story.

coldgator − NTA. It's ridiculous for her to think she's still invited. You handled it as graciously as you could and she probably just wants to go to start drama with her ex.

Clappy_McFrontbutt − 'You can't RSVP for yourself, Susie Cream Cheese, because you were invited by Joe Bag'o Bagels. You were *his* guest, not mine.' There's a greater than zero chance the only reason Susie wants to go is to see who Joe brought instead of her. F**k everything about *that* situation.

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Goodness_Gracious7 − NTA That's wildly bold of her to assume she'd still be invited to a wedding she was never officially invited to (since was was invited as only a +1).

SweetCitySong − NTA at all! She was your friend’s plus one WHILE THEY WERE DATING and now that they are not, you have no connection to her. She was clearly planning to make some unpleasant scene at your wedding (probably would have requested her own “plus one” or start grinding all the groomsmen on the dance floor). You do not need that b**lshit drama on your wedding day. You did the right thing.

These Reddit quips are lively, but do they nail the etiquette? Is the bride’s call fair, or should she have let the ex slide in?

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This bride’s tale is a whirlwind of wedding plans, loyalty, and awkward exes, where a plus-one debate threatens to steal the spotlight. Her choice to uninvite her friend’s ex aims to keep the peace, but it’s stirred up hurt feelings. Reddit backs her, cheering for a drama-free day, yet the question lingers: where’s the line between boundaries and compassion? What would you do in this wedding guest showdown? Share your stories and join the debate!

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