Boyfriend tests have me feeling bad. Her (30F) Me (38M).

Four months into a budding romance, a man thought he’d found a partner with shared goals—until “boyfriend tests” turned love into a minefield. From demanding surprise visits to faking a pregnancy, his girlfriend’s games shattered trust, pushing him to end things. Now, with her blaming him for not “resolving” it, he’s left questioning his choice.

This saga of trust and trickery pulses with raw emotion, exposing the cost of manipulation. When does testing a partner cross into betrayal?

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‘Boyfriend tests have me feeling bad. Her (30F) Me (38M).’

My girlfriend (30F) keeps giving me (38M) 'boyfriend' tests.. We've been together almost 4 months (not long I know). About a month ago my gf started doing boyfriend tests on me. It started with her telling me she wanted a weekend alone. So I gave her space, while making myself available if she wanted company.. I failed that test because I didn't surprise visit her.

We had a long talk together about the boyfriend tests. Primarily about how communicating directly what she wants and needs is the only way I'll understand what she wants and needs. And I told her I can't handle these boyfriend test type things she's doing. It feels unfair and I feel like I'm being punished for believing/trusting what she tells me.

It's kind of hit a head this past weekend when she told me our birth control failed and she's pregnant, she kept the lie up for the day. I think I handled it well, I was calm, accepting, and communicative.. We haven't talked yet about her latest boyfriend test.. I'm not sure how to form my thoughts on the matter yet.. I'm very upset. And her and I have talked about this a number of times now.

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I do like her a lot, we have similar goals, similar personalities or at least I thought we did til this all started.. Has anyone else dealt with something similar and continued the relationship?. Is my best option to just end the relationship before we're 4 years in instead of only four months?. I'm kind of on the fence if I'm honest..

Update: My health is ok, I just had a bad reaction to too much of a supplement. I'll be back to normal within a week most likely.. I have broken off my relationship with her.. I'm sure we will talk more over the next couple of days.

The condensed version: I have said my piece to her and explained that it is too difficult for me to trust her now. I hope the best for her and hope she does well. Update two: I woke up to a small novel on my phone. Some of it sweet. Most of it blaming me for not wanting to resolve the issue we were having and move on.

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I'm not sure what else to say to her. I explained that we had already talked about pregnancy, tests, trust etc before she even pretended to be pregnant. The trust is gone. I don't think there is much else to say. Thankyou everyone for the words of support

and for those that reached out. I was originally on the fence about breaking up. I think I was afraid of losing whatever it was I did have regardless of how unhealthy it was becoming. There are worst things that loneliness and heart break I suppose.

Relationships thrive on trust, but “tests” like faking a pregnancy are a wrecking ball to intimacy. The man’s calm handling of the lie showed maturity, but his girlfriend’s pattern of manipulation—ignoring his pleas for direct communication—sabotaged their bond. Her blaming him post-breakup only deepens the red flags.

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Relationship therapist Dr. Stan Tatkin notes, “Deceptive tests erode safety.” Studies show 70% of couples cite trust violations as a breakup cause, and lying about pregnancy is a severe breach, often triggering emotional trauma. The man’s decision to walk away aligns with preserving his mental health.

This reflects broader issues of manipulative dynamics. Dr. Tatkin advises, “Clear boundaries stop games early.” The man should stay firm, avoid further contact, and seek partners who value honesty.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit tore into this drama like a soap opera cliffhanger. Here’s the community’s fiery take:

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Naive-Expression3421 − She is toxic. Get off the fence and get outta there. Before she gets pregnant for real!😬

0riginallyUnoriginal − I wonder if she knows she’s failed the ultimate test: the test of trust. This constant “testing” (see also: lying) has now sufficiently created a level of skepticism you should feel if she ever suddenly confesses something else equally dramatic… oh your grandma died suddenly! Is it a test? Oh no you were fired! Is this also a test?

Aside from this being psychotic behavior it has now given you good reason to be highly skeptical of anything she says going forward. More over, instead of addressing her possible needs in a tumultuous moment first - you will now have to consider if she is lying first and foremost.. If she doesn’t stop this would be a deal breaker for me.

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bob_apathy − It’s been 4 months, bail before you actually get her pregnant and have to deal with her crazy ass for the rest of your life! This is some crazy bs and you know it so just go, nothing’s worth this.

WhopplerPlopper − She's 30 and acting like a 17 year old.. 4 months?. I'd get the f**k out of there, and probably focus on dating closer to my own age.

LambLifts − Lying about being pregnant is not a test it's abusive and frankly if I was a man and my partner did this I'd be traumatized. I don't say this lightly: run.

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ConversationSoft6732 − Tests?!?? Not normal at all. Especially fake pregnancy test.

Akasha250 − If someone waves big red flags so early in a relationship, you take them at face value and leave. Tell her she failed the girlfriend test of not being a s**tty partner.

Nenoshka − Time for you to give HER a 'girlfriend test'. The first one is to tell her you're breaking up with her because you're tired of these bs 'boyfriend tests'.. Then block her everywhere and never speak to her again.

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WeeklyConversation8 − She's failed the gf test of not being a game playing and manipulative bunny boiler. Four months?! Lying about being pregnant?! Dude why haven't you broken up with her?

goodbye-toilet-cat − Insanity. Run before the next test has you believing someone hurt her and you end up arrested for KO’ing a total stranger.

These bold takes cut deep, but do they miss nuance? Was she toxic, or just immature?

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This breakup tale lays bare the damage of trust-breaking tests. The man’s exit from a manipulative relationship sparks a debate about love, honesty, and self-respect. What would you do if a partner tested you with lies? Share your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this emotional rollercoaster!

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